No experience with dating, here's my plan, what do you think?

I was very shy and then came out of my shell and made friends (grade 9 and beyond).

Now I'm done college but still have not had my first kiss! I'm 22.

However it wasn't until I got to college that I actually hugged a guy for the first time so sad.

Then, I wondered how to make guy friends, would blush while talking to guys I didn't even like! I'm Indian but born and brought up in Western society. However my parents were very strict and I think that has something to do with my lack of flirtation and interaction permitted with the opposite sex.

Anyways, I forced myself into uncomfortable situations and eventually learned now after 2 years how to become friends with guys and not be all weird/shy/awkward although it happens from time to time still. College guys pretty much rejected me romantically I think as no one ever made a move, except for one guy who I really didn't like.

Last year I went on pof, got like 3 first dates all guys were not my race. Mostly like non-Indian or white guys. These guys I wasn't really interested in after I saw them/got to know them and they didn't feel the same way as I never head back from them and one was a real jerk during the first date I really had.

Now I'm trying to read dating tips more frequently online...

my plan is 1) stop acting like a bitch/ignore guys I find attractive, as they've rejected me but need to stop feeling so bad and reject another guy if he likes me or not...but don't be rude is the motto.

2) try to increase my circle of guys I know (try to be more social somehow even though college is over) ANY IDEAS OF HOW TO GO ABOUT THIS?

3) Try to get my first kiss at club or somewhere lol I need this money off my back seriously, I feel lost. Any advice?

4) Loose weight! I'm current 175 lbs and have a medical condition which I'm monitoring but its hard for me to loose weight. I look like a size 8 because I'm 5 feet 7 and girlfriends say I look around 150 lbs. However I want to loose 30 lbs, that way I'll look around 135 lbs.

Guys I find attractive seem to like skinnier girls, so if I need to get to my "target market" I have to tweak the product I'm selling lol

Anyways, what do you guys think of my plan... I know its long but any comments/advice/tips would really help!


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What Guys Said 1

  • glad I'm not alone and be glad you get to be passive

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like a good plan!

    The most important pillar of your plan will be fostering the 'niceness' portion. Girls often don't realize quite how much guys value compassion and kindness in girls. Girls often think they have act all hard to get, play mind games, etc., but this is just a defense mechanism to make girls feel better - it doesn't actually make them endearing in guys' eyes for the most part!

    Dating is a skill. Flirting is a skill. Relationships are a skill.

    Skills require practice, but you need to learn to practice the right way, or else you'll waste loads of time and may or may not be successful. (It's a lot like studying - you can stare at the book for hours, but unless you sit down and do some practice problems, you're not going to understand it).

    Stress is good, because it pressures you to keep looking for a way to improve, but anxiety is bad, because it could be sabotaging your whole approach. It's very easy to say "don't put pressure on yourself", but very hard to do that in practice.

    As a girl who had a similar challenge formerly, I'd try this: pull your focus away from finding someone to be in a relationship with, back to to improving your general people skills and conquering any fears you might have. Try chatting up guys without any expectations, and do it with guys you do NOT necessarily find attractive! This may sound counter-intuitive, or maybe even a little bit cruel, but if you do this exercise correctly, you will do nothing but boost your confidence (as well as the person's to whom you're talking).

    Start complimenting people every day. Do not limit yourself to guys you find attractive, but compliment everyone: guys you probably wouldn't date, other girls, the lady in the check-out line at the grocery store, etc. Don't give people fake compliments, but every day: try to look for something that you can genuinely admire about every person you meet...and then tell them about it!

    Remember, just like in doing practice problems for school - the long way is actually the short cut. If you start opening yourself up to people in general, you will become more assertive, more confident, and build habits of kindness and being observant of other people.

    People notice people who notice them. If you take the time to notice and appreciate other people, they will notice and appreciate you in turn also. If you do this, you will be more popular, feel more content with yourself, have the confidence to approach guys you like in a way that appeals to them, and have the sensitivity to understand those guys on their level. By the way, that's also the kind of empathy it takes to make a long term relationship work!

    You WILL attract guys (and people in general) if you make a habit of becoming genuinely interested in them. Let people talk about themselves, and they will think you are the most interesting conversationalist they have ever met.

    Good luck, and you're definitely on the right track! :)

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