This is so difficult...

So my married boyfriend (no judging) and I have recently begun texting. Unfortunately I misunderstood a text and sent him one when I shouldn't have. Now I feel stupid for not understanding. I mean it could have been more than a text that could have been sent to the wrong person. And this happens at least once every time we allow cell phone communication over the past ten years. One day this is going to end badly. Any way to help this problem other than no communication?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hold up- wait a minute. So I read the interaction between you and Stitches down there and I can't possibly be interpreting your words correctly. I hope you will clarify- because it really comes across to me like you are blaming Dude's wife for YOUR behavior. Now, that can't be right, can it? Because... no, honey. No, no. If you want to bang a married guy, that is up to you and I have no opinion on that whatsoever- its his marriage and it's your life so y'all do the damn thing and whatever. What I WILL take exception with is your perceived attempt to justify your actions by dogging the Mrs out all to be damned. You don't get to do that. What she may or may not have done is none of your affair- if you will pardon the pun.

    If you have the balls to take a big old crap all over the "Sacred Institution of Marriage", then you should damn well have the balls to take ownership of YOUR actions. The fact is that if you feel the need to explain or marginalize your part in all this by talking straight up sh*t (which is none of your business, frankly) about the woman HE chose to wed, then I submit that you feel ICKY about what you are doing. If you felt okay about it then you wouldn't have to hold her up as the villain, now would you? I am not suggesting you need to be her advocate- neither do you need to make her your enemy. Unless this woman has done something bad to YOU personally (besides having the temerity to be married to the guy you're f***ing) then you do not get to run your mouth about her. F***him, by all means- but do not make HER the bad guy. Maybe there isn't a bad guy, have you thought about that? Do you even know this woman? If you don't, then all you are getting is ONE person's certainly biased point of view. And for you to call down judgment upon her is wrong- in my estimation is it far more wrong of you to judge her than it is for you to bang her husband. Do not make excuses for what you are doing. You know it's sh*tty. You know it is unpopular. You can not make it right by holding up her alleged flaws to the light of day while you hide your doings in the shadows. All you can do at this point is to be unapologetic for your actions- that is your right- and to not particularly give a rat's ass what other people think about what you're doing with that married guy- which is also your right. THAT, I can respect. What I can't swallow is your weak attempt to make others sympathize with your position by running her down. Don't do that. Have the courage of your convictions, even in the face of others' disapproval.

    Now to answer your question: when you are up to shady business, you run the risk of getting caught- period. There are no two ways about it- cell phone comm or no cell phone comm. Your question is vague and therefore so is my answer.

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    • Not really I'm just saying personally this situation makes me not feel bad about it. If it was a marriage with both people in it I would feel differently. But when both are barely in it why care. I did not blame her, hell I even mention how much he cheats on her with women that are not me. And I know my chioce is unliked and unconventional. Not rationalizing, just explaining how I feel and why I don't feel guilty. And I do know her she's rather mean and nasty.

What Guys Said 2

  • You want to know what's difficult?

    Feeling sorry for you.

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    • dude I didn't ask for sympathy. Did you read that? I just wanted an idea of how to not accidentally contact someone when I shouldn't. It's really not that different from say not talking to someone while they are at work or in meetings.

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    • I'll flat out tell her if she asks and provide details. I don't care about that. I am just asking for ideas to keep myself from contacting at inappropriate times. Like I said imagine if someone you wished to talk to couldn't be reached due to meetings or something.

    • This should be the best answer.

  • Tell him that you misunderstood it. It's not that difficult at all.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You ARE rationalizing, you ARE grasping at straws to justify your actions. Stitches is balls-on, lady.. face it. You are perpetuating bullsh*t and it's my impression that you then complain of the smell. You spouted a laundry list of this woman's sins as your excuse for why what you are doing isn't really wrong. And you're wrong for that.

    If she doesn't mind if he cheats on her, it's none of your business. This guy is being exonerated of his part because of flimsy excuses, which you are eating up with a spoon. NO. He is being a shafty bastard, and so are you.

    You saying that you stay away from men in relationships that you feel are valid is a little silly. Of course you won't get with a guy who's happy in his relationship- but not because you are too noble to ruin it, but because people who are happy in their relationships don't cheat. I think of cheating as a symptom rather than the disease itself in most cases, unless there is underlying pathology like sex addiction or some sort of dissociative disorder like Multiple Personality Disorder. But I think even you could agree that those cases are pretty damn hard to come by.

    How mean the wife is or isn't is not an excuse for your behavior OR his. This guy is apparently claiming that he is powerless to wrest control of his own life and actions, and I do not accept that. How you feel about your affair is immaterial, by the way- I don't care. This is your cesspool that you have created- swim around in it until you die, if you want. At least claim it as your own, though. That wife of his- whether she cheats or not, how she treats her kids, how often she does or does not f*** him is completely none of your business OR mine. HE picked her. He continues to pick her. I assure you it's all the same to me, but I think you need to open your eyes and understand your own motivations, here. You are finding fault with a woman who may or may not have a crappy personality as a way to justify your own behavior, when the truth is much more simple: You don't care. You have no compunction about being in an extramarital affair. You are doing it because you want to do it, there is no other reason behind it. You can dress it up all you want, but your "reasons" are flimsy and nothing you say will give them any substance. It would be enough to say, "I don't care about convention. I do what I want and I don't care if it's wrong. It's what I'm doing." That would be honest. As it stands, you are painting this woman and that marriage with a black brush so that you can feel better about your part in all this. You're being underhanded and deceitful AND you are judging someone you have NO right to judge- and then asking not to be judged in kind. Forget it, you don't get to have that. I can't tell if you are being deliberately dense or if you really just don't get it.

    That aside, if you are so worried about contacting him at the "wrong" times, then don't contact him. Wait for him to whistle for you, then come running.

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  • You can't tell us your boyfriend is married and expect no one to judge you..

    I am judging you hard right now.

    Morals...get some.

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    • Hey I don't hate over things I don't agree with if they ask for no judgement.

    • Oh, on the contrary, I'm not hating at all. But this coming from someone who has been cheated on, that's not okay dude. But whatever floats your boat.

    • Perhaps you should read my comments to stiches and maybe you will feel different as I do. Once again he is the only person that htis is cool with for me.

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