Why does he not want me to go on dates?

This guy has a girlfriend when I first knew him but then we started to develop mutual attractions where he told me he likes me and that he wants to know more about me. I made it clear that I would not be involved with him more than friends unless he is available. At that time, he obviously wasn't going to end his relationship as well so we remained friends. We never went out, no holding hands or kissing.

Since then, he sends me a text message almost everyday to just keep in contact. He does continue to remind me that he has feelings for me and that he'd like to know more about me. Recently he started sending me a morning text almost everyday and he would call me once in a while to talk. Then, he heard that I was going on "a date" with another guy who he knows as well and he texted and called that night to find out what's going on. He sounded quite upset when we first talked and he questioned if I understood him when he told me he liked me. I was happy that he is concerned, but I wasn't happy with his attitude and I guess he caught himself as well when he heard my tone in my responses, so he switched to telling me how he knew that I could do anything I wanted because I'm a grown woman, but that he just wanted to figure out what's going on. I told him that it wasn't a date (which is the truth) and that's when he relaxed and started telling me how when he heard about me going on a date he just got jealous because he has a crush on me. He asked again about going out to eat or walk around but it's difficult because of the different shifts we work. He did mention it multiple times before that he wants us to be "long-term" and during this last conversation he stressed again that he would really want to talk to me to know me more and that we are not hook-ups.

I just don't get it. He has someone and he is still with that someone, so why is he telling me all these? Does he really want to know me better first before making his decision? or does he just not want me to be with others even though I won't be with him?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, he sounds like a huge jackass. I feel sorry for his girlfriend and I know it's not your fault, I just hate guys like that. It's like he can't have you so he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. I think you should just stop communication with him.

    He seems very hypocritical and like a jerk. Personally, I think you should tell his girlfriend how he has been towards you and all that he has said and done. She deserves to know that she's dating a two-timing douche bag. And honestly, you would probably be way better off without him in your life as well. Because think about it, if he saying all those things to you while he has a girlfriend, if they broke up and you dated him, what makes you think he wouldn't do that behind your back as well? He obviously has no respect for his own relationship. I'm sure you could do a lot better than him anyway.

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    • That's what I'm taking into consideration as well. If he actually had ended his relationship, then I would feel better of him because I do believe that sometimes people are not with the right person, but before you go forward with whoever who you think is "the one", you should just end the one that's "not right" for you, but apparently he's not doing so. I will see him around (in a professional setting) so can't really cut him off completely so I'm just trying to not fall for him.

    • Well, I definitely think you should tell him that if he is seriously interested in you, he should break it off with his girlfriend. That's only the right thing to do in my opinion.

What Guys Said 1

  • It seems that he's keeping you as a back up.

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What Girls Said 1

  • he wants his cake and to eat it too. I think he is trying really hard to get to you, either for someone on the side ot to get in your pants, I'm not sure which. I would have told him, Yeah, I'm going on a date. He needs to decide just how much he wants you in his life. Unless you're sending him mixed signals and he thinks he will eventually have a chance with you.

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    • One time when he told me he "really like me a lot", I said directly, "Okay. you REALLY like me A LOT, but you have someone. How does that work?" He backed off and said he didn't want to hurt me in any ways and that we'd be friends. So I think he got that message clear enough.

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