In need of advice for behavior modification!! Realistic and motivational comments would be appreciated :)

So I have the tendency to seek out relationships( friendship and romantic interest) based upon emotional capacity/trust/respect etc; spontaneity; secureness(in sense of ego and ability to be present and appreciating life); empathy and acceptance of others;and by having respect for differences in opinion.. And I would hope this hypothetical boyfriend would want the same from me

With experimenting in my dating styles my results have found that it is easier said than done..cause I know I'm not perfect and I know that it's unrealistic to expect to meet all of your wants, but how can I go on blindly trusting potential suitors with out any sense of respect for what we want for ourselves out of life?

I had to go through the traumatic experience of being a sexual assault survivor in order to realize that I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am rather than the person who always gets taken advantage of for being over generous, It's unfair all I want to do is help people realize their potential in whatever way I can but whenever I can't give anymore and need to do what's right by me I get judged for being selfish and have lost friends for it..So now I just put a big wall up that apparently says f*** off--because I have friends telling me I put off a "better than thou" vibe when in reality I know humans are a spectrum of strengths and weaknesses that shouldn't define us. So I guess after all that ranting is how can I stop people from perceiving me this way? And start getting off this negative track so I can start dating and building better friendships


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is interesting. Yet there isn't enough information. I need to know what you do, not what you think, because people are being turned off by your actions, not your words, and also I need to know when this started happening and specifically to know if it came before or after the sexual assault. I am by nature wary of people who claim to be overly generous for a few reasons, one major being that other people don't see generosity but instead see either a shirking behavior or a domineering and forceful behavior. Being a muse is no easy task and it doesn't incorporate in any sense of the word "generosity".

    How many people have you dated, what were their ages, how many "styles" have you come up with, and what were the major proponents / differences in approach for each style? Actually now that I think about it almost everything you told me is useless to knowing you or identifying your problem. Coming off as "holier than thou" is extremely easy when you wish to help people through extremely vigorous means; one might call it just being a bad teacher.

    Oh, and have you ever attended real-life counseling? If not, do that first, then ask strangers. If so, I'm surprised you kind of left out everything important.

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    • Excuse my vague writing, I was up at 3 am last night dwelling on things and just wanted to vent out to reduce my stress. My story is somewhat complicated. There are a lot of components influencing my behavior and I'm honestly just trying to comprehend them myself. To answer your question though, I was somewhat reserved before the assault, I had dated around but the first time I ever had sex I was rufied and its changed my perspective on relationships. And now that is translating over to my

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    • I'd suggest something like Omegle but those are the worst people on the planet. Literally. They make persons like myself look like Saints.

    • Regardless the idea is just to get you talking again, laughing with other people, discussing something in depth, holding real conversations. The conversations you hold now seem hollow.

  • It's not how you perceive people, it's how you perceive people to make you feel that way.

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