Why do I want to date an a**hole or an abusive man?

First off this isn't a joke and don't call me crazy for what I have to say. A lot of are usually nice to me and it's a huge turn off. Every guy I'm attracted looks and is a douche bag. Not usually cheaters, but just their personality. I want a guy to dominate me and I always liked when a guy I rough with me or calls me names. I know th abusive man sounds like a lot, but I want a guy to have power over me. I want him to be posseive. I love it when guys are a**holes to me because I usually don't get treated that way. Alsoi get turned on by anger, please don't judge me


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What's your relationship like with adult male relatives? Close, distant?

    The simple answer is you are attracted to men like this because your instincts perceive they will produce tough aggressive and successful children. Most women are balancing two somewhat competing desires - that for a very high testosterone and aggressive partner (who produces the strongest and most selfish - thus often most capable - children) and a partner who is steady, compassionate and calm enough to actually help raise the kids. Virtually no women are attracted to pushover men who seem like they'd produce weak, needy kids, and though helpful, may not even be strong enough to help protect them.

    Its an interesting question as to what determines whether you prefer a 'balanced' or 'very aggressive' male.

    You might be interested to know that American women are attracted to 'higher testosterone' looking males then, for example, European women (who prefer 'moderate-high' but not extreme). You might also find it interesting to know that women who have poor relationships with their fathers are also more likely to find 'very high' testosterone males most attractive. I suspect this is exactly how women are 'supposed' to be via evolution. If she grows up in an environment where men are helpful and involved in child rearing, she looks for mates who can provide strong kids and also provide that help. If she grows up in an environment where for whatever reason men are not involved in her upbringing, her instincts assume the same, and pick the strongest genetic father with no consideration of how good a father he'd be (her instincts assume he will vanish anyway).

    Don't think of there being anything -wrong- with you. But also realize that our instincts are designed to give us the most grandkids, not to make us happy. Can you shift what you like? Maybe, with time. You don't need to convince yourself that sweet dull guys are perfect, you need to moderate yourself to liking guys who are strong, dominant but have some control and compassion and ultimately do treat you decently (by your standards). And maybe in the bedroom ... treats you the way you really like.

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    • Awh thanks I like this answer a lot

What Guys Said 5

  • A ;lot of girls still want their fathers, eve nif said father was abusive. You have to understand that about many girls.

    That'swhy so many are in therapy these days. They are trying to figure out why they push away the guys who are nice to them, and willingly let abusers have their way with them.

    They can still be nice people, but if you're a nice guy, of course you will 'finish last.' So many girls are just like you.

    Ever wonder why so many guys are gay these days?

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    • I'll agree to some extent. I get along good with my dad most of time. And as time has gone by, I have noticed I tend to pick out the guys that are a lot like him. Complete with everything about him that drives me crazy. He's stubborn, hard-headed and won't say a whole lot. Guess what... yeah the guys I tend to be the most interested in are too. They do treat me right but talking, oh god, that's asking too much lol.

    • Thanks for the input, eh what.

  • Well, have at it, tell me how it works out in the end.

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  • cuz your a girl...

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  • It must be that they are the only people showing oyu interest.

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  • daddy isues, typical disgust of nice guys leads to the misinterpretation that douche bags is the only realistic alternative.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Because you associate a**holes with those exciting qualities. You are not able to recognize the a**hole's calling card yet.

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  • we all do

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  • I do to , I'm a girl and would like to talk to another girl with this common interest ..kik or email?

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    • I'm going to take off annoymous. You can add me :)

  • Everyone's personality is on a spectrum of dominant to submissive. Every relationship needs some mix of dominant and submissive. You are likely very submissive so you crave the dominant part of the relationship to the point where the guys you go for can even be abusive. I don't know how you would really fix that, but it's an explanation at least.

    Answer this?

    link

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