I'm a catch. Why don't girls like me?

Ok so here goes. I guess I'm attractive - I'm 6'4" with a great body and have a really deep voice. I was scouted by urban outfitters the first day I was in NYC during a US tour with my band. Many people have told me I could model. I graduated from a prestigious university and I'm the lead singer/ songwriter and guitarist of a band that's successful, touring extensively all over the US. I'm always the life of the party and many people throughout my life have told me I'm the funniest person they have ever met. In middle school I was voted most creative and in high school most funny.

However, I cannot get a date on OKCupid with any girl I find attractive! Also it's hard to get a date in bars. The only reason I can think of for my not getting dates is that I dress sort of weird (because I'm in a band), but actually girls who are into fashion tell me I'm extremely fashionable. I don't get it. WTF? The only girls who write me on OKC dress crazy and do drugs. None of the normal looking girls who I'm into write me back or seem even remotely interested:( Why is this?

It's not that girls don't approach me. After class in college, girls would find me and ask to study with me. I would show up at parties and girls would give me their numbers without my even asking. Two girls that I know of actually stalked me. I literally would look out of the corner of my eye and see them wherever I went, and they were conveniently in most of my classes. Some of these girls were cute, some not. The point is many girls have shown interest.
The problem is I don't like any of these girls! The girls I DO like, I blow it with. One night I met a girl who asked to touch my hair and gave me huge signs she liked me. I had a really big crush on her, but I didn't ask for her number. The second time I saw her I walked up to her and gave her a hug. I got her number. I could tell she liked me, because she was waiting in line to use the restroom, but she let everyone go in front of her so she could continue talking with me.
I asked what she was doing that night and she said she was going to a another party. I asked to ride with her, because I was too drunk to drive She told me she didn't have room in her truck (she could have easily moved it). She told me I could meet her there. I didn't because I didn't want drive drunk. I continued to message her over the next week trying to set up a date, but she kept turning me down. What happened? She showed so much interest initially!


Most Helpful Girl

  • there could be a lot of reasons. maybe you are very intimidating? honestly a lot of girls want attractive men yes. but if you are giving off that whole singer hot guy feeling it might make girls feel insecure being with you.

    as cliche as it is maybe you just try too hard. desperation can give off a bad vibe. women love men who are enjoying their life, who don't need a relationship but would love one if they met the right person. maybe you are too pushy when you meet someone, or ask too many cliche qns, don't go with the flow enough because you are nervous. I am not sure what the problem is because by the way you are describing things you seem confident and attractive.

    • You know, thinking back on all of my past screw-ups I realize I have been kind of smothering. I may have scared off girls who gave me their numbers, because I showed too much interest, like texting them too soon. (It's hard to get the right rhythm down.) I also could of been a little too pushy with trying to get a date. I just need practice. I have actually only had one girlfriend. I am really great at striking up friendships, but kind of retarded when it comes to dating.

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    • Bella, I think you hit the nail on the head. Girls chase me, when I show no interest in them. One very attractive girl told me she stalked me for 3 years, but I showed no interest to her blatant advances. I SERIOUSLY had no interest in her. Finally I decided I would give her a chance, because I needed dating experience, I spent tons of money on her at a restaurant and wrote her mushy stuff and she fled like I had the black plague! After 3 years of having a hardcore crush on me!

    • so its not really why don't girls like me? its why don't girls I want like me LOL!

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What Girls Said 3

  • Your title says it all. "I'm a catch" is a huge indicator that you're overly confident in yourself and almost arrogant. You say you're attractive and that people have told you you could be a model which must've been an even bigger ego boost. Problem is, girls pick up on arrogance almost immediately and that's a turn off. No girl wants a guy who's up himself and thinks he's better than them. It makes us feel insecure. It appears you have a lot to brag about and I wouldn't deny that you're a nice person but you're probably bragging too much and it puts a cover over the real you that girls want to meet. If you brag a lot, you're wasting valuable time you could be spending getting to know the girl better.

    Also, if you're as good looking as you say you are, some girls may feel intimidated by it and feel like they're not good enough.

    Put yourself in their shoes. If you saw a super hot girl, you'd probably go shy, feel intimidated and feel like you wouldn't be good enough for her. But then, if you did get a chance to get to know her, only to find out she's pretty arrogant and she brags about all her major achievements all the time, it'd put you down and you'd probably wouldn't be as interested in her anymore. I think that's how you make other girls feel.

    Also, the fact you're in a band could hinder it a bit. I know you're probably thinking, "all chicks dig band members" but women who want to have a long term relationship usually won't go for band members. If you're touring, you'll be away for long periods of time which puts strain on any relationship. Also, when you're touring you could meet a lot of girls, causing there to be a lot of temptation to cheat which would put off most girls.

    So if you feel like you do brag a lot, tone it down a bit and only tell her about some kind of achievement when she asks about it. Then stop there. Don't go onto something else to brag about yourself. Ask her something about herself otherwise, you'll appear rude.

    But if you don't brag, you're friendly and easy to talk too, then you just have to be patient and the right girl will come along eventually.

    • I wouldn't say that I'm arrogant. I never tell girls any of this stuff when I first meet them. Actually they usually have to weed it out of me. I just listed my positive attributes for you guys on GAG could help me understand why I can't get a date. Maybe I give off an air of arrogance, even though I don't brag about myself. Thanks for the advice though, I could try being more humble.

    • Saying that you're a catch makes you appear like you're certain of yourself and know every girl loves you etc. Someone who isn't confident would never utter those words. I do believe you come across arrogant without realising. My boyfriend does it a lot and he didn't realize how much he bragged about himself until I pointed it out to him. I think you're just very confident about yourself and it comes across as arrogance which no-one likes.

  • Well, I can't see a problem, after reading this, I'd date you lol. You had me at deep voice, haha. Perhaps they're intimidated? I'm always intimidated if I see an attractive male. I apologize for not being able to offer any more than that.

    • Thanks for the advice. I totally understand about being intimidated. Cute girls intimidate me as well. But that doesn't keep me from talking to them! I feel like, if they like me they should just show it. I'm making it so easy! There was this one girl I liked who wouldn't even look at me when I talked to her. Argh..

  • maybe the problem is how you're approaching them.

    • Maybe my approach is sucky. When I go up to girls and talk to them, they usually are quiet or ignore me. Should I just play it cool?

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    • well it worked for a second but then the conversation died you can't just say something and then be quiet.. that makes it awkward for the girl, try to continue conversation and you'll get something one day :)

    • That's a good tip. I'll try continuing the conversation until something happens.

What Guys Said 4

  • The girls are thinking, "Oh, good looking rock star. Does drugs, burnt out, groupies around him constantly..will dump me in a week for someone better looking, or will get me hooked on crystal meth..THEN dump me.."

    Rock musicians don't have a very good reputation for being a good partner in a LTR...!

    • hahah liked the part about crystal meth. Yeah I know what you're saying though. This is probably why I get so many crackhead girls messaging me on OKC.

  • It seems like girls like you, but the kind of girls who like you are not the kind of girls you're interested in.

    What kind of girls are you interested in?

    • This is so true. The girls I like are never interested in me. I like straight-laced girls who are quiet and dress conservative or "normal". I tried dressing like a "normal" guy for a while in college so I wouldn't scare girls away, but it just wasn't me. It was so soul crushing trying to bend to societal norms. I like to be more creative.

  • It must be that you're not approaching enough.

    • I don't think that's it, because I approach everyone, A LOT. The second I see a girl I approach her. If I see a girl I like on the street I will approach her. I will literally go up to a girl at a party, put my arm around her and get her number. The thing is I have NO IDEA of what to do from that point. I'm bad at closing the interaction or following through. What do I text her? What's the next step? But maybe you're right about not doing it enough. I should go out more...

  • use what you did in the past to get your past relationships

    • This is good advice, but my problem is I have never had real a girlfriend. The only remotely close thing to having a girlfriend was a girl that my cousin set me up with. So I have no experience getting girls! Not the girls I want at least! Maybe I should just take a girl that comes to me, just to get more experience. I am almost thirty so I just really need to make this happen! (The reason I have not had a girlfriend so far is I am really picky and really busy with my music so I have not had time)

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    • It sucks but I have realized that being sick and tired about it will not get us anywhere! We need to just take the hit.

    • yeah it gets annoying and frustrating on how life and society always annoyingly tell us guys to grow some balls, grow a pair, be a man, man up, they always use balls as an excuse for anything that involves strength, last time I checked balls are physically sensitive, not even Chuck Norris could handle getting hit in the groin