The Worst Thing Ever; What Do I Do?

Yesterday was the worst day of my life, by far. I am sitting here the next morning pounding on what's going to happen and what am I going to do.

Alright, me and my serious boyfriend have been sneaking around my parents. I am not allowed to date anyone. Why? Stupid parent rule and there is no reason behind it. My parents know that me and him are best friends (he used to live in my neighborhood). They always suspected something going on between us, and it was OK because they still let me hang out with him and my other best friend as usual.

Since I can never have alone time with my boyfriend, we came up with this thing about a month ago where he sneaks into my room and he spends the night with me. We always have such a good time. We talk about things in the past and before we started dating. And yes, we are sexually active, so we did end up having sex sometimes. He sneaks into my room by my window that has no screen. Then he leaves early in the morning back to his house. That was all there was to it.

I was taking a nap yesterday and my mom came in my room yelling at me about a condom outside my window. I totally forgot that we have left one there a week ago. My dad was mowing the lawn and found it. She preceded to yell at me and ask me if me and him were "f***ing around." My first reaction was: "No, I don't know whose that is." My dad found dirt on my floor and I admitted that I snuck out last weekend and that's why it was like that. Not because I was bringing him into my room.

I stuck to this story.

But obviously my parents didn't believe me.

I am obviously grounded. My mom told me I can never see my boyfriend again. I don't know what's going to happen. This is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me and I don't know what to do to fix it. I don't plan to tell my mom the truth because it's too late and it'll just make things worse.

But, my mom eventually came into my room about 2 hours later and said sorry for freaking out on me and said "You surely understand why." and my dad later gave me a hug. I thought that things were looking up a little bit, but then my mom came into my room drunk a few hours later and was telling me how I totally lied to her and she tried to say other stuff but she was drunk so I couldn't understand anything else.

I know that it was probably wrong to sneak around in the first place, but honestly, I couldn't do anything else. I've tried telling my parents that I can handle a boyfriend but this doesn't work. Me and my boyfriend were best friends for two years before we started dating and I am so in love with this guy, I can't just stand idle and not be together with him.

So, what do I do? PLEASE no sarcastic answers. I want honestly advice because I am really so torn up about this, it's absolutely horrible.

Updates:
Well, I went into my mom's room to chat with her. Didn't go good at all. She still doesn't believe me (which is OK. I don't know what else I could do anyways) But then she told me I still can't see him ever again OR my other best friend. It's pretty bad.
Sorry guys, I'm not 18, I am actually 17. I don't know what happened with my GAG age on here >_<

I still don't know what I am going to do because my parents are NOT listening to me. SPECIALLY my father. I am hoping that this gets better with time.
But I still don't know how to make it better, whenever I try to talk to my mom (b/c I'm not talking to my dad about this) she just tells me that I can never see him again and that I can "See him and my best friend at school." I've been crying all day and
my parents don't seem to care about it at all. I believe I should be grounded, but never see my boyfriend and best friend again? It just makes everything worse. No one seems to see that in this house. Aghh~
Well, everyone, I told my mom that he has been sneaking in my room and that we've had sex. My mom already had great suspicion, so it wasn't that surprising to her. I told her that I am sorry and that I'll do whatever I can to let her trust me.
I told her that I love my boyfriend very much and that I do not regret my decision to have sex with him. I am really hoping for the best. I know my parents never want to even see him again, but I'm going to give them time. Until then, I'm going to try
my hardest to gain some trust so I can see my boyfriend again. My mom already told me that she'll forgive him someday, but she needs time and I understand that. Any advice me and my boyfriend can do to help the distance? I see him at school but that's it.
I also talk to him on the phone, but that's only when he has minutes. So, yes, some advice for everyone would really help me and my boyfriend out. We are very stressed about this and I am just hoping I made the right decision. Thanks for the advice every1
Hi everyone! Well it's been 2 weeks. Parents haven't said anything about it at all. I'm doing whatever they ask me to prove that I learned my lesson and I want to be ungrounded. So far, I still can't tell how long this will last but things seem better. :]

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey girl, I know how it is difficult to deal with overprotective parents. They don't allow you to do things that they feel they won't control in the future, they want to enter and control your life and they want to give you your life totally solved without you moving anything (even if their intentions are good ones, they ocassionally mess it up).

    I know it is difficult, but you have to stand up and face them the next times this kind of issues came. And also if your boyfriend knew about it, he can give you support, besides, you have a strong relation, isn't it?

    In fact, you didn't and you don't anything wrong about having a boyfriend (especially if he has been your best friend, for the love of God). However, it was bad that you hide them the truth. That's why you should have had to be brave and tell them.

    Don't try to let them control your life. It's normal with this kind of parents that when they feel they lose the control, they want to start to prove that you are still their little girl by making you get out of control. Maybe the thing that really upset them is that you hide and lied about the fact.

    If they start with the typical stuff like why you didn't tell us about it, why you don't trust us, why we can't be your friends whom you can tell everything, you don't love us anymore, etc.. Just don't take it seriously and tell them calmly that the way they have been reacting with you is the reason about why you didn't tell them (if they say it calmly , then tell them because when I talk with you this kind of topic, you always overreact or I think that you would be angry with me if I told you). If they don't want to listen you, the that is their problem, you wanted to talk to them in a civilized way and if they don't want to listen, well they had their chance and you go calmly to your room even if they want to continue to talk to you.

    Please, don't lose that special relation you have with your bf, try to be more independent of mind and don't let your parents change your mind with what you really like and gain control of you. Don't take them seriously with this kind of stuff and also get the support of you bf.

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    • By the way, are you 18 or more?, then you are a woman and you can take your own desicions, tell it them the next time.

      And when you talk to them, do it in a calm but in a firm way.

    • Thank you very much for your advice! It's hard to deal with them sometimes, but I've learned to stand up for myself with certain things. I've made it clear to them that I will not break up with my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do everything on my own.

What Guys Said 9

  • Well. First of all, you have to chat to your parents.

    The way to get around the parent no-dating rule is to explain to them why THIS guy was worth it; why you chose to disobey them to be with HIM instead of anyone else. As he's obviously known to your parents, you can explain his good character etc. and how he'll look after you and treat you the way you deserve.

    As for the story, reason you snuck out: to see him. Yes, you won't be ungrounded, but it adds into why he was worth the risk.

    Offer to let your parents have a chat to him, where he can come over, sit on the couch, and answer their questions about how they want him to look after you. When this happens, hold his hand when he walks through the door, and maybe tell him to bring you a little bunch of flowers or something. Basically, he has to present himself as purely romantic and the perfect gentleman, even if that's the furthest thing from reality.

    As for the condom, you may have to bite the bullet and just confess. Not that you had sex, but that you were taking precautions and being protected. Once again, defend his character. But make sure that he's there at the time, because no matter how your parents react, they'll tone it down if he's around.

    Good luck with everything.

    Any questions, feel free to ask :)

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  • i think you should say the truth to your parents , well half of it , tell them that you been dating him for a like a couple of only weeks and that he's a nice guy and all , it helps to cry and say that ur sry , and let them meet so they might like him and let you do it , anyway don't you ever tell them that you had sex , just that you dated , I find that when I give may parents half the truth they believe anything I say after it , I know this sounds a little evil but that's the way to go , or you could denay they whole thing and try to sneak out and meet him like that , tho it well be hard as hell

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    • Yeah, I was thinking of just taking a break with him sneaking in and then do it again. But at this point I'm so ready to just tell my mom everything, you know? It's very very stressful X_X

    • I know I mean you need to tell your mom for ur own sake mostly , because u'll feel much better with her knowing , even if ur parents didn't aprove you going out at first ,but u'll get this burden off ur chest

  • Ok it says you are 18-24...so you need to make them understand that your life is in YOUR hands, you need to have them both sit down with you and have a serious talk. You are old enough to where the only thing they get to tell you is "not in this household".

    The more important thing is that you need to tell them how much this person means to you, and why he is worth getting in trouble for. And don't let them give you that "you're to young to understand love" BS. Love is Love and you need to make them understand it. Shoot, if you have to, get them to talk to you AND your lover at the same time. They need to understand your feelings for him, and that there are aspects of your life they can control, and there are things they need to let you handle.

    Good luck, don't let your parents get the better of you.

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  • give it time , mybe they are just angry now or something ,and they are just reacting to you lying ,just keep trying gently and try to reason with them and tell them that you are sory and you know that you did wrong, and that you want to see your friends with their acceptance only , ,let them feel that they gave you that and that they kinda control you , believe it or not parents act like kids somtimes and you need to humor them somtimes, I don't know when my parents see that I know am wrong and that I feel guilty a lot and admit they are right and I should have listend to them , it make them feel guilty them selfs and go more easy on me, its all mind stuff

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  • When you go to college, then you will be free from your parents oppression. Continue to chat online with your boyfriend as a means of contact.

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  • If my parents had tried to control me that much when I was 18 when I still lived at home I would've had a few of choice words for them. Just get a job and move out. And if your mom is getting so completely wasted you can't even really understand what she's talking about and screaming and cussing at you I don't see how she can be so righteous about this stuff. I guess it's probably different for a girl but when I got into a couple huge arguments with my parents over something I definitely stood up for myself. You need to get them to realize that you aren't a little kid anymore somehow.

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  • hope everything worked out for you!

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  • well hopefully everything work out for you. good luck

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    • Thank you very much :3

  • try to talk to them because they already know about it.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I find it a little weird that they're saying you can't date people. It might be a little more understandable if they were a little uptight (meaning no disrespect), but it seems a little hypocritical if your mum gets so drunk that you don't understand what she's saying. =/

    Is there a family member or a friend you can go and stay with for a while? What I suggest is that you sit your parents down and have a serious talk. Tell them you're an adult now and that you can make your own decisions. Say that you appreciate their love and care, but that you're old enough now to look after yourself. Make it clear that your boyfriend is a lovely person who treats you very well and that you both love each other very much. Be gentle but firm, tell them that you are not going to stop seeing him. If they take all this in and accept it, then that's fine, it's pretty much settled. If they don't and they refuse to let you see him, I really do suggest that you move in (at least temporarily) with a friend or another family member. Hopefully, in doing this, your parents will see that you are serious about this and that it's possible they might lose you if they don't stop being so controlling. They might then approach you with acceptance or a compromise. If they do approach you, don't turn them away unless they can accept that you love this man and intend to stay with him.

    You shouldn't have to sneak around. If you've been honest about your age then you're an adult and you can control your own life. How would they like it if someone told them they couldn't see each other ever again? I'm certain they'd rebel against this and refuse to be controlled. Don't allow them to control you either! Not sure if this was helpful, but it's what I'd advise. Best of luck. =)

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  • wow wow wow! I went through something similar last summer!

    i was 18, and my boyfriend lived a few doors down from my cousins, and just a few blocks away from where I worked.

    I wasn't allowed to see him at all, but he would come see me everyday I was working.

    we never had sex, but my parents didn't trust me.

    They made me quit my job because I got caught hanging out with him one day. I said no, I wasn't quitting. Then they said I had 1 week to get out of the house. and that I couldn't come back once I did.

    My dad sat all my siblings down in the living room, had me stand in the middle, and told them, that I was chosing to leave all of them for "some punk-ass boy".

    I caved and agreed to quit work... for my little siblings.

    worst day of my life. I didn't talk to my sweetheart for about 5 months after that. they took my phone, and laptop. I was so close to running away sometimes.

    I'm still not allowed to date anyone unless they approve. and I'm 19 now. They also require that they get to know any guy before I go out with him.

    I know its hard girl, but keep ya head up! I went through so much depression. don't make that mistake!

    sounds like your parents are even more understanding than mine... at least they aren't kicking you out for just getting caught hanging out with him...

    Anyways... all that to say... I feel ya! Try to stay strong, and I really hope all this will turn out alright! If they love you (which they obviously do) then they'll come around eventually! Time usually helps anything.

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    • Wow, that's a crazy situation! D: I don't know how I would of survived through that, you must of been very strong to get through that. Thank you for your advice :]

  • Ask why they have this rule? you are older than the legal age to have sex (16 I think), and tell them he's not just some random guy he's a guy you have known for a long time and who loves you, not some guy who is just using you. Point out your good qualitys. Lets say for instance you don't drink/do drugs, you don't sleep around, and you get good grades. This gets my parents on my side every time lol :). you just have to say it really honestly and heartfelt. like "why is it so bad if I date a guy who I have known for a long time, who I love, and who loves me? isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be- not just letting random guys use me? What have I done to betray your trust? I don't do drugs or drink like most people my age, I don't get into trouble, I don't sleep around with a bunch of random guys which is a rare thing these days, and I get good grades! You have raised me well so why don't you trust me to be responsible enough to have a relationship? What ever you do- don't scream, wimper, have tantrums, or wine. You want them to feel bad so they change their mind, not get annoyed/more angry which will make them more defensive and stubborn. Also point out his good qualities- like if he doesn't do drugs/drink, get in trouble, etc. And don't lie to them- its easy to tell when someone is lying especially if they are your child.

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  • First of all-are you really 18-24? Does that mean you are a senior in high school or done with high school? Because after high school, that's kind of crazy to not be allowed to date. Especially when you are a legal adult. At that age- your parents can't tell you stuff like that. If you are out of high school, why are you living with them? Let me know these things so I can give you advice for what to do about it all.

    Sencondly, sneaking him into your room isn't the only way your relationship is possible. First you have to talk to your parents and tell them you are responsible and mature enough to handle this (and if you are as old as you say- mention that you are a legal adult and following dating rules is silly.) If after a while they still don't accept it and you want to sneak around with him, there are other ways. Does he go to your school/college? That would make it really easy. Or you can get a job at a place he also works, or join a church group with him if you are religious, or some kind of job/hobby where you can go and really go to see him.

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  • thats great that you were honest with your mom. getting her trust will really help. do you have the same lunch period? maybe you could spend time with each other then. go off campus or just hang out somewhere where you can just be together (outside or something?) but make sure you don't forget to hang with your friends too, you don't want to lose them in the midst of all this.

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    • Yes, I am still focusing on my other friends too =]

      We have the same lunch period together and we see each other after ever class AND we decided to talk on the phone to each other every night. So some things are looking up (even though I wish it stayed the same X_X)

  • I'm so sory this happened to you, just try your hardest to gain their trust back and eventually they'll come around, they can't stop you from having friends and a boyfriend no matter how hard they try.So just wait it out is my suggestion. Sorry I don't know anymore. :(

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