Is it fair to date a sexual woman/man when you are asexual?

I have recently come to understand that not only am I not straight but I do not find men attractive either. I have never had a sexual attraction before, and feel no need to have sex either, the thought is simply discomforting. This being said, being asexual does not mean being incapable of forming a romantic relationship and I have had relationships and deeply cared about the people during my time with them, however, in the long term regardless of whether or not you tell them (though I strongly recommend you do) is it fair to date someone who is sexual? I ask this because there are cases in which relationships between asexuals and non asexuals, are caused psychological trauma through the lack of sexual intimacy. The trauma is caused by the feeling of being simply unwanted by the asexual partner, when infact the asexual partner is very much in love with the sexual partner this causes stress on both sides but more so for the sexual partner. Also asexuals are not incapable of sex, there is the option for them to simply tolerate sex for the sake of their loved one, however, this is easily noticed by the sexual partner and will still cause that 'unwanted' feeling.

So back to my question, is it fair to date someone who is sexual when you are asexual? Or vice verca. Share your thoughts.

Updates:
did not notice the typo in the question, if there are others I apologize.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can see why a problem would arise, if a sexual person were in an intimate relationship with an asexual person. One is always going to want more physical expression than the other, and that can lead to all kinds of bad feelings/assumptions that break down a good connection. But that doesn't mean it's "unfair" of you to be in a relationship... as you said, you are perfectly capable of having deep emotional feelings about other people, and there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be able to have a loving and satisfying relationship. I think that your asexuality is something that should be discussed early in the dating process, but if you are open and honest about it than you will naturally attract more open and honest people, and possibly someone who could be a good fit for you for the long run.

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    • Very open opinion, perhaps telling them and discussing it first would avoid a great deal of the stress in the short term but I'd imagine the tension would build in the long run, but yes discussing first at least makes you realize what you are getting in to a suppose another question would be, is it fair on the children if they have any? especially with the knowledge that you are more likely to fall apart.

    • Aaah kids, always making things more complicated :) This is just my thought, but it depends on the situation and the people involved, and it's probably a bad idea to start bonding/forming relationships with the children of someone you're dating if you know the relationship isn't going to last. It's just too confusing and disruptive for them, and you probably won't feel good about it in the long run either.

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What Girls Said 4

  • As someone in a similar boat (either that or a very, very low libido. I might want it for a few weeks, but then I couldn't care less about it for months onwards before I suddenly feel like it again. I do feel attracted to people though & have a great wish to be bodily close to them, just nothing sexual or even deep kissing), I can only tell you from experience that you should definitely talk to your potential partner before things get too serious. Either while you're still in the dating phase or at the time you're talking about committing to a serious relationship. Then give them a night or two to think it over.
    Take care to explain to them that it's not their fault but that you simply don't feel the need for intercourse, otherwise you'll have to endure the same painful, slow deaths of relationships as I did, where I constantly felt bad about something I had absolutely no control over. That paired up with the pressure was just another killer for whatever little lust I might have felt otherwise.
    This applies to potential partners with offspring the double, but the both of you should stay cautious for a while & don't get too invested too soon, because a partner might say he/she's okay with it, but realises a week later that it's not okay at all.

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  • I don't think its fair because while the asexual person is getting all his/her needs out of the relationship the sexual person isn't getting a major need for them in a normal relationship. But if the couple wants it to work then they will have to be very open and have a lot of communication between them.

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  • it think it is fair as long as the sexual person knows that the other one is asexual, which would mean any psychological trauma that he or she may endure happened by choice

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  • No it is so not fair

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What Guys Said 1

  • As long as you're honest about being asexual from fairly early in the relationship, I don't think it's wrong. An adult can make up his or her own mind.

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