Why am I beautiful but not sexy? Guys - please help?

I've been told many times that I am very pretty, beautiful, etc., thank God, but I've also never had a boyfriend and have been on a grand total of about 5 dates. I've always been good at being *friends* with guys...and every time I've thought a guy liked me, it's turned out that he was emotionally very close to me (in a non-needy way) but didn't want to date me. This has happened at least 5-6 times with guys I have really liked.

I finally asked some guy friends why this was happening and they basically said that I was nice/etc. but "not as seductive as some" and that the guys who liked me "had better options" (ouch). (Before you bash them - they care a lot about me, and were just trying to help - I did want the truth, painful or not.)

Here's my question - what am I missing? (considering that you don't know me at all haha). Is it confidence (which I don't think I lack)? Attitude? It can't really be clothing...? And it's not like I've never flirted or hate men or anything. In general what would separate someone beautiful/pretty from actually being sexy? I'm a little worried - I want to get married one day, God willing, and my track record of attracting men so far is not looking so good.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Do you smile? Are you flirty (not talking about being slutty, talking about having repartee)? Are you fun?

    And are you going after the right quality/type of men? I can't say in my list of wants/needs in women is "seductiveness".

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    • Yes - I smile, I laugh and make others laugh, etc.

      I don't know. I assume so - I tend to have pretty high standards for guys (character etc.) but not in an I-am-high-maintenance way.

      I don't know if this makes sense but when I look in the mirror I don't see anything at all sexy about my glance, my smile, etc. I just look nice/friendly/open and maybe kind of innocent. Maybe that's why people interpret any flirty behavior from me as just being friendly. I don't know :(

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    • Maybe I just need to go for older guys who are mature enough to see me as an entire person instead of judging my potential as a relationship partner based on how sexy I come off as. Grr. And thank you. (And I haven't seen that movie...need to haha.)

    • Sorry, the character limits are annoying... yeah, that movie was just an example, which you gathered-you should see it. I'm not so convinced maturity is correlated with age though (within reason) but as cliche & annoying as this sounds, there are ~3 billion guys out there, be patient, and be you. I'm in a similar boat, granted I've had girlfriends, but it does seem like so often the girl I like doesn't reciprocate while plenty others do like me. But it's just how life is. Stay fun and patient.

What Guys Said 5

  • I call a girl sexy when she is good looking and acting sexual. Her walk maybe, or just her personality and flirtiness. She should also be wearing something special for a rare occasion, but I may still use the word if she's wearing shorts and a t

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  • Date someone who has no options then. I'm sure I would find you sexy

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  • It must be because you just have good face, but not good body.

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  • post a pic and we'll tell you.

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  • Sexy is pretty much just beautiful but acting or dressed seductively. Sexy isn't a word a lot of guys feel comfortable using because we are constantly told not to degrade women by treating them as sexual objects. So a lot of sexy women are not told they are sexy.

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What Girls Said 1

  • trust me, that's a sign of respect. if a guy calls a girl sexy, all he wants is her body. calling her beautiful is a great honor and it means he really respects about you and sees you as a person, not an object. personally, I think being called sexy is demeaning, but you know. feminist point of view...

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