Very inexperienced guy needs dating advice based on feedback given by girl

I am a very inexperienced guy (age group: 20-25) who needs some dating advice. I am a virgin and didn't get my first kiss, date and hand holding until very recently (the date in question).

Some time ago I went on my first ever date and then a second but then the girl stopped it. Fortunately she was nice enough to answer why she didn't find me suitable and what I'd like to do here is take what she said and with your help analyze it to identify whether there are things there that might be applicable to not just this one girl but to many and how I can improve on those for future dates.

1) She said that she was attracted to very confident guys which I totally understand and I guess this would apply to most girls. Now generally I'd say I'm quite confident but not when it comes to girls and romance. As this is something I had never ever done before, I was quite lost on these dates regarding when to initiate things such as holdings hands, putting my arm around her and kissing her (she seemed to be hinting at them all the time now that I think of the date retrospectively and probably hoping for me to initiate). However as I had never done this before, I had no idea when to grab hold of her hand (for fear of coming off as too physical i.e after only one thing and hence blow the date completely) or when to go in for the kiss as well as other associated things.

The question being: what are some good tips for being confident around girls/when to escalate physically or how can I at least 'fake it till I make it'?

2) She said that she likes being spontaneous while as I am the complete opposite of preferring to plan everything, analyze the angles, consider options before hand. I even had a look at the menu of the place we went to and picked out the things I was going to eat beforehand. One of the principles I live by is to 'always have a plan', just like the Boy Scout motto of 'Always be prepared'. As such I had put some effort into planning the dates, booking places and such. Its simply who I am.

What I am wondering however is whether a lot of girls like spontaneity or to take it a step further: are they put off by guys who make intricate plans? (though all these plans are for her benefit, nothing creepy)

In case they are, how can I at the very least disguise my plans so as to give the illusion of things being spontaneous?

Thanks for your help


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The first is practice. Learn to read body langauge and you'll pick up more clues. You can already look back and see some things you missed. The physical is the hard part, although usually I come right out and ask or do what I want (“Can I get a hug?” or grab his hand if we're walking and I want to show him something). Confidence comes with practice and experience when it comes to relationships. We all have to learn somehow. At least now I know when a guy wants to kiss me... there was a time I didn't and it was a bit of shock that first time LOL.

    The second, plans are good. Knowing what you want is very important. I hate nothing more than a guy who asks for a date and then what's to know what I want to do and has no suggestions of his own. It didn't work for this girl, that is a lot of pre-planning. But some girl will appreciate it. As long as you don't freak out when things don't go quite as planned, its perfectly fine. At least pretend to study the menu next time... but being pre-planned is fine, just along as you can go with the flow when needed.

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What Girls Said 3

  • 1) This is just something you have to "practise". When you look back at the last date now .. you already realize that she was hinting things. So you already got better. The only advise I can thing of is touch your date "accidently" and see how she reacts. Like when your out at a restaurant grab the menu the same time she does. Her reaction should let you know how far you can go.

    2) As you said. That's just you. She is more of a spontaneous person. Someone out the will absoultly love your principles ( I know sounds cheesy). Some girls are spontaneous, some like their stuff all put together. Don't try giving an illusion of anything. Just be yourself.

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  • yep like the other girls said it will come with time and practice. and even girls have that problem too you don't want to be seen as too forward either. eventually you will find ease with it. with your second point that is just how you are and you will find someone who will find that endearing and appreciate you for it.

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  • You seem sweet. You're fine. A good girl would appreciate your effort and planning.

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What Guys Said 2

  • That's just it. You needed to be more confident with your words and more spontaneous (breaking the physical barrier).

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  • what is your age? because I'm inexperienced too

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