Why don't nice guys and nice guys take responsibility for finishing last?

They seem to never blame themselves for their own failures.

To me, it's like listening to Gaston from Beaty and the Beast:

"Gaston was EVERYTHING a woman/man could ask for: Incredibly nice! It doesn't matter if I was boring, clingy, annoying, and had nothing in common, I WAS NICE! Gaston deserves sex and a date! But noooo, the opposite gender is too STUPID to know a good person when they see one!"

Why doesn't it ever occur to them that Bad Boy/Girl vs Nice Guy/Girl is a false dichotomy and people look for a lot more traits in a lover than just how kind they are?

For example

I would choose to date a jerk over a nice guy if he had the trait I look for in a man. I would have a better experience dating a jerk who's funny, smart, shares my interests, and can make interesting conservations than a nice person who's dumb, boring, and I have nothing in common with him.

My stupid hand slipped and hit the submit button when I was trying to correct typos.

The question was about nice guys and nice GIRLS


Most Helpful Guy

  • A: They've been taught for years erroneous information about what girls like. So they've tried really hard to be what they were told women wanted. Not only that, but they were told that women who didn't want that were not 'nice' girls. So their initial reaction is, when women regret them, those women must be the 'not nice' girls. It takes a while for them to realize none of the girls are 'nice' at least as they were told, and in fact they've been wasting their time for years (decades) and being miserable for no reason.

    B: Eventually I think for most it does and they break through it, but having your worldview shift takes some time and is a little painful, and its nice to come online and rant about it while that's happening, which is what you see. Its probably a good thing - in my day, I think most guys didn't realize that being a 'nice guy' didn't work till they were married with kids ... like me. If these guys can get sorted out at closer to 20, that's much, much better. The problem is I'm not sure they've 'bottomed out' on their old world view yet.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • eh cause it seems unfair the nice guys want to think that since women are always complainging about going out with and dating complete d***s that women would wise up and want a "nice guy"

    but that doesn't happen till girls get older and are pretty much used up anyway...

    • WTF?! It isn't fair that some guy has his head up his ass, and thinks he's perfect.

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    • I think you misunderstood, I just mean that after they've been pounded by a couple of dudes then when there older and want to settle down that's when they go for these "nice guys" leaving the "nice guys" with like sloppy 20ths

    • Dont you love society just address women?

  • I actually want to know what they mean but bad boys/Jerks and nice guys. The perception you get from them is only jerks are getting the girls, or girls are only going after the jerks. What % of guys are actually girls or girls who after them. Not to mention why the hell would they want to go out with such trashy girls anyway.

    Guess its easier to blame than change yourself positively.

    "I would choose to date a jerk over a nice guy if he had the trait I look for in a man"

    >>> I would never go out with a girl who would degrade herself regardless. To me she has no class or self respect, a trashy girl. Hence my point why would these guys want such girls to begin with.

    • Wait, so I'm trashy because I don't want dating to be a chore?

      I'd like to see you date someone just because they're nice and end up miserable because it's as amusing as watching paint dry.

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    • For a girl who doesn't care you keep annoying me. And I don't care to me such girls are trashy never dated them never will. End of story.

      Why the hell you care? Do whatever whenever however you want, who cares? Your life you can do whatever you want with it, who cares?

    • Me annoying you? Bitch please, you stayed and argrued by yourself

  • Your question and the responses it raised inspired me to write my thoughts as an article. If you care to read it, it's in the story section of my profile.

  • I don't think this way at least not any mroe. nice guys can get girls if they build up enough courage and ask them out and show off their personality and who they are.

  • Why do so many women constantly deflect from the fact that they are attracted to jerks?

    Why can't they take responsibility for that behavior, which by the way has been proven as fact over and over again.

    Instead, they make excuses and deflect the blame onto others. Pretty much what you are accusing people of doing here.

    • "Why do so many women constantly deflect from the fact that they are attracted to jerks?"

      Why don't guys ever want to admit they only care about sex and sandwiches from women? Two can play this sexist game, mofo. -_-

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    • Did you read my question and the details? Probably not because Gaston doesn't like reading. I also addressed nice GIRLS (ie Taylor Swift), but read what you want read, Gaston. We all know you have a big ego.

    • Because that's what "nice guys" DO. They're the ones who don't take responsibility for everything that might be wrong with them. Maybe he's not that smart or funny, or doesn't have a decent job or education, or he's a pushover, or he's clingy and whiny, or doesn't share the same values or religion as the girl they're interested in. But he makes the excuse that she rejected him because he's NICE. Do you see how silly that is?

  • nice guys FINISH last! Don't you get it?

  • There isn't really such a thing as 'nice girl' syndrome. Guys don't reject girls because they're nice. Sometimes, however, girls do reject guys because they're nice. But, that's understandable. Those guys aren't masculine, whereas being nice is feminine.

    I feel a little sorry for nice guys. Guys are raised to be nice guys. Whether you're being raised in a religious/conservative background or a liberal background, the chances are no one's telling you to be assertive, and confident and to go after what you want. When a guy starts becoming interested in girls, he has to de-programme what he learned in his childhood.

    My question to girls who complain about nice guys is, are you going to do things differently when/if you have a son? Clearly, something needs to change in our culture, when so many guys have the weak personalities that girls just don't find attractive. Clearly, our parents' generation failed. If a guy does manage to become assertive/confident/masculine in our culture, it's through sheer will-power in his late adolescence and early adulthood.

    • "My question to girls who complain about nice guys is, are you going to do things differently when/if you have a son? "

      WTF? There's nothing wrong with being nice!

      Let me make this simple for you!

      1. Are you nice? Yes? GOOD, GIRLS LOVE THAT!

      2. Are you boring? Yes? BAD, GIRLS HATE THAT!

      3. Are you clingy? Yes? REALLY BAD, GIRLS THINK YOU'RE A STALKER.

      It is THAT SIMPLE. It has little to do with masculinity.

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    • Well, then, by your own admission, whether he's trying to get casual sex or a relationship, he would be better off being masculine.

    • Agreed

  • They would rather blame women for not picking them than admit that the fault lay with themselves, and thus was something they could control and work upon.

    Blaming it on someone else tells them there's nothing they can do to change their opinion, so why try?

    it's the ultimate lazy cop-out.


What Girls Said 7

  • Why don't nice guys and nice girls take responsibility for finishing last?

    Probably because that would mean honestly reevaluating themselves and accepting that a person rejecting them doesn't mean they don't like nice guys/gals but that they don't like him/her as well as a person wanting a nice guy/gal doesn't mean they want any a nice guy/gal.

    "They seem to never blame themselves for their own failures. "

    Probably because they are extremely arrogant as they think they have no possible flaws other than a self-congratulatory one of being (too) nice. Gender wise it seems guys advise each other on gals and it tends to be heavily misinformed telling guys that all they have to be is nice and they can get whatever gal they want.

    Why doesn't it ever occur to them that Bad Boy/Girl vs Nice Guy/Girl is a false dichotomy and people look for a lot more traits in a lover than just how kind they are?

    Likely this does occur to them as I find few nice guys/nice gals are just looking for nice and tend to have looks, age, and other criteria. It seems to be more of entitlement thinking they should get the partner they want based on the trait they dictate than lack of realizing people look for more traits than nice.

    • Guys don't tell other guys that. Guys tell other guys to be players.

      Its more often older female relatives who give the impression being 'nice' is the right approach. That and hearing women complain about jerks, a lot of young, (genuinely) nice guys resolve never to be like those 'jerks' and are assured that women will be so delighted to find a nice sweet and respectful guy like them.

      Guys do not advise that to each other.

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    • @Sekrett

      "They don't even fall into nice guy bad guy thing, because they feel they are socially awkward. They will be happy with any girl they have a connection with and like"

      Yeah most likely you can speak for yourself you can not speak for these guys. This may be your experience of such guys however mine vastly differ as I find the socially awkward guys tend to have quite high unrealistic standards for beauty/youth and regard the gals as their for his ego and self-esteem.

    • You're the one speaking gibberish coming up with nothing factual while you run in circles.

      You claim my answers is sidelining just guys and only criticizing guys...yet this answer addresses both genders.

      "The same thing with other guy in other question, and he saying the same thing. " What other guy do you mean the misandry question with the guy with projection issues and lacking reading comprehension like yourself?

  • They blame others because they are unconsciously afraid to look at their own flaws. "Nice" isn't enough to compensate for the flaws you listed above.

    Nice doesn't always mean genuinely kind; it's often a front, eventually revealing a bitter, passive-aggressive interior.

  • well I don't know what you talking about but I always date annoying lame guys I have nothing in common with just because they're nice! If a guy is nice to me I'll ignore every flaw he might have

    Just kidding

    • LMAO! I was about to say...

  • I totally agree, just because they are nice guys and girls shouldn't feel entitled to any person they want.

  • I think that people should stop blaming other for not liking them and look what can be changed about themselves.

  • What a lot of nice guys don't know is that a lot of girls DO have this bad boy/nice guy complex which works like this:

    screw the bad boy(alpha), settle with the nice boy(beta)

    But women really want is the alpha, just not an alpha that is arrogant and abusive which is impossible to find.

    No different than guys with their ridiculous:

    Screw the bad girl, settle with the virgin girl

  • Because their mommies always told them nice guys get the girl