So my friends have set me up on my first blind date. I know nothing about this guy and I'm not that good at small talk or really carrying out conversations. What things would you talk about on a first date?
Most Helpful Guy
"Dating" kind of started to fall apart in the 70s, and it isn't even really taught at all anymore, and that's really unfortunate, because dating has a very pretty important part in developing a relationship. The purpose of dating is not just to get to know the other person on the surface ("What music do you listen to? What movies have you seen?" Etc.), but to get to know their personality/attitude, and also to make sure their values, morals, lifestyle, and goals are compatible with yours.
It's not necessary to learn all of that the very first date, but you should at the very least START those discussions on the first date. I'm pretty direct myself, but it still takes me something like 3-5 dates to really cover that ground thoroughly, and someone who is shy or not willing to ask direct questions or give direct answers may take longer.
You want to find out:
- are they fun?
- do they have a positive attitude?
- do they have a complimentary personality? (two "alphas" rarely work, for example)
- are you physically attracted?
And then start talking about things like:
- family (are they close? Do they have family commitments/obligations?, etc.)
- marriage (is marriage out of the question? heavily desired? On hold until 40?)
- children (do they want 10? Do they want 0? Do they want to adopt?)
- sex (attitudes, frequency, openness, rules/limits, etc.)
- lifestyles (a redneck and a sophisticated big-city person probably won't work)
- location (where do you plan to live? Are one of you moving soon? Do you have a job that keeps you from home a lot, or moves you around?)
- past issues that potentially still affect you today (ex-spouse? Children? Abused as a child? Abandoned? Bad car accident?)
The point of all this is to make SURE that you have a high level of compatibility, and that you discover any red-flags EARLY in the relationship, before you're so emotionally attached that you start ignoring those red flags due to your feelings, which is always a recipe for disaster. Far too many people skip the whole dating process, or wait until they're already in a relationship to ask any of these questions, and then when a red flag (or a series of them) comes up, they realize they're already screwed.
Dating is a lot like baseball. Even counting just guys who you agree to go on a date with, you're lucky to "bat" .300, meaning 7 out of 10 are failures. You need to expect that you'll date many guys who just won't work out, and that's just part of the process. But better to go out and date, and have a bunch of "failures", than to only date guys you THINK are perfect, only to overlook their red flags because you've put so much pressure and expectations on that person that you're too afraid to fail.0