What do you usually talk about on a first date?

So my friends have set me up on my first blind date. I know nothing about this guy and I'm not that good at small talk or really carrying out conversations. What things would you talk about on a first date?


0|0
3|10

Most Helpful Guy

  • "Dating" kind of started to fall apart in the 70s, and it isn't even really taught at all anymore, and that's really unfortunate, because dating has a very pretty important part in developing a relationship. The purpose of dating is not just to get to know the other person on the surface ("What music do you listen to? What movies have you seen?" Etc.), but to get to know their personality/attitude, and also to make sure their values, morals, lifestyle, and goals are compatible with yours.

    It's not necessary to learn all of that the very first date, but you should at the very least START those discussions on the first date. I'm pretty direct myself, but it still takes me something like 3-5 dates to really cover that ground thoroughly, and someone who is shy or not willing to ask direct questions or give direct answers may take longer.

    You want to find out:

    - are they fun?

    - do they have a positive attitude?

    - do they have a complimentary personality? (two "alphas" rarely work, for example)

    - are you physically attracted?

    And then start talking about things like:

    - careers

    - family (are they close? Do they have family commitments/obligations?, etc.)

    - ambitions/aspirations/goals

    - religion

    - morals/values

    - marriage (is marriage out of the question? heavily desired? On hold until 40?)

    - children (do they want 10? Do they want 0? Do they want to adopt?)

    - sex (attitudes, frequency, openness, rules/limits, etc.)

    - lifestyles (a redneck and a sophisticated big-city person probably won't work)

    - location (where do you plan to live? Are one of you moving soon? Do you have a job that keeps you from home a lot, or moves you around?)

    - past issues that potentially still affect you today (ex-spouse? Children? Abused as a child? Abandoned? Bad car accident?)

    The point of all this is to make SURE that you have a high level of compatibility, and that you discover any red-flags EARLY in the relationship, before you're so emotionally attached that you start ignoring those red flags due to your feelings, which is always a recipe for disaster. Far too many people skip the whole dating process, or wait until they're already in a relationship to ask any of these questions, and then when a red flag (or a series of them) comes up, they realize they're already screwed.

    Dating is a lot like baseball. Even counting just guys who you agree to go on a date with, you're lucky to "bat" .300, meaning 7 out of 10 are failures. You need to expect that you'll date many guys who just won't work out, and that's just part of the process. But better to go out and date, and have a bunch of "failures", than to only date guys you THINK are perfect, only to overlook their red flags because you've put so much pressure and expectations on that person that you're too afraid to fail.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 9

  • It really depends. Okay, a few guidelines:

    1. It's really okay if it's awkward. It's a first date, and that's the nature of the beast. First dates can be awkward, but I think the goal of a first date is to make it so the second date (if there is to be one) will be less awkward. If you go in expecting more, you're shooting yourself in the foot. You may not learn a whole lot about each other on the first date. In fact, you may not learn anything.

    2. You can talk about almost anything, but the two topics that should be avoided are politics and religion.

    3. It's also better to try to actually avoid "small talk" if at all possible. Small talk is boring. That's why you don't feel good at it. If you feel that something is "small talk" that's because you feel that it's kind of pointless to talk about, and chances are he may feel the same way. That's not to say that you should avoid it at all cost, or that you need to have a really deep conversation. But if the goal of a first date is to make you feel more comfortable with the other person (and I think that's an important goal), small talk won't get you so far. It's better to just say whatever is on your mind. If you don't do that very often, you could just start off by telling him how your day went. That's not really small talk unless you don't care how your day went. Maybe you don't. Maybe every day is the same to you and it doesn't matter whether you're having a good day or not. But I'm sure there's something on your mind you do care about.

    4. On that note, it's probably better to talk about things that HE doesn't care about than to talk about things YOU don't care about. Of course be mindful too if he's not as interested as you are or wants to talk about something else...but don't go out of your way to only talk about things of mutual interest. It's great if you stumble upon a topic of mutual interest that you're both really passionate about. But even if don't find that common ground on the first date, it's better to both come off like you're really passionate about something than to end up staying in the safe territory of things you're likely to share.

    5. If you're going to have criteria for a second date, figure that out beforehand. For me, I'm big on second chances, so the idea of deciding whether to ask for a second date isn't really that big of a deal to me. Even if a girl seems completely dull and not-my-type on a first date, if I was willing to ask her out the first time, that's usually enough justification for me to give her the benefit of a doubt and go out with her again if she's interested. But that's my philosophy. I think it removes any pressure of having expectations of how a first date should go. But if you do want to make the first date a big deal, then you'd better figure out what you're looking for beforehand so you know what questions to ask. Take control of the situation. Always think forward.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly, the lady does almost all the talking, just about every date, not just the first one. That usually means we're talking about her interests, and that I am getting to know her. Not sure exactly "why" this works better, but it does. It's best to prod and test for interests, express interest in whatever it is she's talking about, and let her yack away.

    I think psychologically what's happening is that by being interested in what she has to say you're subtly providing her with evidence that you're interested in her. Needless to say, I always end up knowing the people I've intimate with pretty damn well compared to how well they know me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am like you in some respects. I try to ask the other person to tell me about them self. Get him to talk about what he likes to do for fun etc. You will find a common ground and won't feel compelled to do all the talking.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If your friends can't even tell you this little bit about him, either they're not friends or they're really, really scary. Ask him about his work and his hobbies. If he talks about being a butcher and loving to sharpen his knives so he can feel them slip beneath the skin - it might be time to head to the washroom and never return :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tell them about yourself, ask them questions to know them better.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sex

    0|0
    0|0
  • where the person lives, hobbies, family, job, etc.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ask him basic things, but don't make it sound like an interview. its a date, not a job app.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You get to know the person, their background, beliefs, and character.

    Basically, the whole job of the first date is--see if it's worth having a second date.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • At first it's usually the "what do you do?" type of thing - school, work, etc.

    Then maybe background - family, locations, etc.

    Future stuff - plans for yourself

    Interests - hobbies, passions, etc

    After that the conversation just flows where it will.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i always ask things that will let me know the guys personal values like what would you prefer doing something you love for little money or doing something you hate for a lot of money, so that way you can know if he values security or personal happiness and see if his answers match up to yours, if they do I would feel like we are more compatible and will eb able to understand each other better

    0|0
    0|0
  • anything but the regular boring questions, I talk about what I like and I try to make things fun and spontaneous

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...