Won't date this girl, but she's been added to our friend group. How would you handle this?

So this girl likes me... but due to previous events while I still find her attractive I no longer have any interest in dating her. She's very unstable still and I simply don't trust her anymore, even though I was infatuated with her at one point. Basically she did something I can forgive, but never really forget, she ditched me to sleep with an ex, but the guy had threatened to kill himself if she hadn't- totally legit, I saw the timestamped Facebook messages.

For a long time after that there was nothing between us. I got her into therapy, she disappeared for a while, and I dated another girl for about a year. She came back from an internship, we got to drinking together one night with her roommates and my friends, and as things go we wound up going back to her place. My best friend also started dating her roommate at about that time.

I've told this girl several times since then things haven't changed, I still don't want to date her. Yet every time our group of friends goes out, she tags along with her roommate. And it seems like every time she does, she tries to get me drunk so I'd go home with her again. She told one girl I'd been dancing with to back off, I was "hers". I got pissed at that.

I don't know what to do though short of telling her to stop coming, and I feel like if I did that her roommate might stop coming too. I don't want to screw over a friend's relationship for my own comfort, but at the same time, I don't feel comfortable around this girl when alcohol is involved.

What would you do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay, so I'm not particularly experienced but I can see your problem. If she's well liked in the group it will be hard trying to kick her out, especially as her friend is not seeing yours so that's not really an option. The other obvious option is for you to stop going but they're your friends and truth be told you were there first so I wouldn't do that either. So, if it were me I would ask your friend who is dating her friend his opinion on the whole thing but importantly I would try not to let her bother you. At the bar, I would try not drinking so much for a bit and keep a steady head so that you can not worry about her trying to get with you and an enjoy yourself as well. Dance with other girls and have fun. If she gets bitchy with the other girl again it might not hurt to let her know what you think and to publicly let her have it a little bit. Don't go over the top so everyone is watching but make it clear to her in front of this other girl or in front of her best friend or something. It's important that you talk with your guy friend first though so he understands and it doesn't risk his relationship with her friend. If all else fails, try and hit it off with someone and get a girlfriend so she knows you're taken. Hope that helps and it all goes well.

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What Girls Said 3

  • just be yourself and tell her what is making you uncomfortable, try to explain to her that she can't just go around keeping girls away from you

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  • tell her roommate to help you in getting through the other girl and letting her know nothing will happen.

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  • Just be blunt and/or start dating someone else.

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

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