Dating for 4 months, but he's still hot and cold, stick around or leave?

Dating a guy 4 months, he had a bad break about a year ago (they have a child) and he still seems to be hurt. He uses this as an "excuse" I guess to keep me at bay, we have fun but its all on the surface stuff, we cuddle and hold hands etc but he doesn't say or act in a way that makes me feel he's really that bothered, like he's uncomfortable lying in bed together after s*x, I can't remember him every complimenting me on how I look or things like that (at least not in person, he seems more comfortable opening up by text). He has cancelled a few plans in the past also and doesn't like to talk on the phone only texting, though he texts and emails me all the time (I rarely initiate it). I'm thinking he likes me but not enough as surely he would make more effort to see me and be more comfortable around me and seem more interested/excited to be with me, especially after 4 months. I've been patient and understanding due to his past but think he will never change or open up, any advice?

oh I should add that I have met some relatives and discussed meeting his child and mother, so yes I am confused!


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you have to question the credibility of the "relationship" then you know that somethings wrong and you're picking up on it. You wouldn't ask if you thought the relationship was going perfectly. If it's been like this for 4 months, then you should probably give up, he's not changing anytime soon and if you feel that he's still hurt from his past relationship, he probably is and he sounds like he is to me. It's not easy to move on from a long term relationship where there's a child involved. Go by your instincts, if they're screaming that something is not right, you should leave. He doesn't seem completely happy with you and he should've complimented you by now at least! I think you should leave him and find someone who's worth your time.


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What Guys Said 1

  • [120 days. Child. Does he visit it? Custody status? Any legal battles?

    Hm, sexually active, when did that start?

    Bad speaker, personality trait, quirk, strong emotional baseline, explains text based messaging and "pillow talk", no questions.

    Dates, how many cancelled, how many total, reasoning, sound?

    Introduction to family, committal, not embarrassed, proposes involvement with child, deep commitment, strong investment.

    You; impatient, negative, agitated, unfulfilled, black standard.]


    Gods it is too early for this. I have to make my own mental notes visible. Okay, let's talk, putting them into action. First, how many dates have you been on and how many did he ditch out on.


What Girls Said 3

  • well I think you should give him a chance tlak to him and tell him what you don't like and see if he changes

  • just leave, you could have somebody who would be perfect with you

  • well I would think that bieng with him is a waste of my time. but try and give him another chance, first tell him what's bothering you