Do you agree that there are NO rules to dating ? Please read on, hot question

I have dated a few guys, from younger to older, to diff race, financial background. Whose ultimate goal was to just my cookie. Some I spotted from a mile away and ran like an Olympian, saving myself the misery. A few (3) I got played.

Being only 22 when I dated I was focused in having the guy I was dating like me so I pretended somewhat, played games (you know the whole play hard to get refuse a few dates every now and again).

I even subscribed to post and read books giving dating advice and I made my little list of things a guy should do before I slept with him and while it did screen out a couple of guys it did not screen out this 32 year old guy that boast that age was just a number. He did everything the books said a ‘’ good guy’’ should and even met my parents.

Like others he just wanted my cookie and when he grew tired of it he left. Though I must admit I always had a bad gut feeling about it the book knowledge I attained stated otherwise. Likewise he had some qualities that I certainly did not like and wouldn’t want, his past was colorful, form arrest to drug use to stealing but like the books said people change, your love can calm a salvage beast. Pure bull$h!t.

Now I can say that without a doubt “ THERE ARE NO RULES FOR DATING’’ Just be yourself, know what it is you want and never settle for less when it comes to choosing a spouse.

It isn’t a must to have sex with your boyfriend, its your body. There are other ways to bond, love is patient and most sexually incompatible couples have different needs to begin with so this negative energy is passed on in sex, after all it involves your entire being.

Do you agree?

What is your take on the RULES of dating?

Ps: Thanks to this site I am a much more assertive, confident woman. Thank you guys so much for your insight on dating and relationships.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That question just reeks of Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" book.

    It also has bits and pieces of "The Rules."

    I agree. There are no rules to dating. There's no such thing as "men" and there's no such thing as "women" when it comes to dating. There are just people - human beings. Each person is unique. How an we ever hope to really understand who we're dating when we're already so busy assuming we know things about them, or what their actions or behaviors mean, based off of stereotypes and things we've read? Books marketed towards women play on our insecurities so they can sell. All they do, at the end of the day, is send us into the dating world "afraid."

    Afraid of what? Afraid of "giving up THE COOKIE." *dun dun dun*

    All his pseudo-psychology literature from some guy or girl who wants to posit their personal opinion on dating and men and market it to me as fact only has the effect of making girls have issues with sex, and thus, making those women "unmarketable" to the men they seek.

    If you put a billion chains and locks around your "COOKIE" and wait until you finally "trust" the guy you're with and feel safe in knowing that he's not just going to use you and leave, do you ever bother to ask yourself what kind of guy would actually stick around? There are two kinds of guys who would stick around: (1) guys with low self-esteem, and (2) players (notice, I didn't say "guys just looking to have sex").

    Every other normal man, or non-player quality guys would leave, because they don't want to be with someone who has issues when it comes to the COOKIE.

    That's exactly what these books do. They "create" a market of insecure women who are wondering why their dating life is so miserable. After you fall into the hole basically warding off guys you'd actually "prefer" or "want" to day with the huge "I HAVE ISSUES WITH SEX AND GIVING UP THE COOKIE" on your forehead, these books basically "help" you pick between the only two guys left: (1) guys with low self-esteem (aka, Mr. Right, the right guy, good guys, nice guys), and (2) players (aka, guys just interested in sex, the wrong guy). Wow, what a self-fulfilling truism and prophesy.

    Look, if you're ugly (I don't mean "you" QA, just in the general sense) and can't compete in the sexual marketplace, then I totally understand the resentment towards better-looking women. I totally understand and sympathize for the psychological need to manufacture this alternate universe where sex doesn't really matter, shouldn't matter, and where guys who want sex are not good men. I totally get that.

    But back on planet Earth, I've broken all the dating "rules" and been with an amazing guy. I take comfort in knowing that men don't confuse me, I genuinely get guys, and that's because I'm also human! I don't start dating a guy living in fear first until this magic moment of "trust" happens. Just understand people and your dating life will never suffer.

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    • Beautiful answer

      Yes I read that book too

      You are right about the cookie. I think once you practice safe sex at a time you feel comfortable in the relationship you should be good. there shouldn't be x amount of a waiting period before you give sex

    • The same applies to guys though too. I know a lot of guys who are like accountants when it comes to how much they pay during dating. They're also afraid to get used and put limits and cutoffs and other rules on dating girls. People just need to learn to love and appreciate everyone as a person, and letting go of this fear that men and women are drastically different from each other. They're really not.

What Guys Said 2

  • I somewhat agree.

    Everybody has different versions of ideas of what rules for dating could be, but the way I see it much like you do all you need to do is be true to yourself instead of being something that you're not.

    As for knowing what you want and never settling for less, you can't really never settle for less, until you know what it is that you do want.

    A nice question, I admit, well done.

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    • To clarify I meant like in my situation I was settling for a guy that had arrests for cocaine and fraud the potential father to my children. I was wrapped up in his mind games, when deep down inside I knew that I wanted the father of my kids to be a well respectable honest man that's what I meant. & you are right you don't really do know

    • Then if that's what you want, that's what you should be looking for, or be awaiting as it were.

  • For the most part I agree. However the part about not having sex with your boyfriend can make your boyfriend feel unloved and undesired. There is a middle ground there. You don't have to make yourself sexually available all the time, but the sexual needs of your partner can not be ignored either.

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    • I should clarify, some guys expect sex as soon as they make things official. As individuals we are not obligated to. Sex should happen naturally but some people pretend to make it seem as if it actually is happening naturally to use you.

    • I get that. I was just pointing out that it could be taken too far. If my girlfriend didn't want to have sex with me it would really hurt my feelings after a while.

What Girls Said 1

  • well my rules would be not be not getting too angry, try to talk about everything and compromise onf things that are way too big of a problem

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