He told me I can date other guys because I am not his girlfriend. Does he really mean it?

Hi,

I am really confused with this guy I dated for four months. He was my coworker and we started dating after knowing each other for about a year. We both came from a divorce when we started dating. He was divorced for nine months and it was only a month after my divorce when we started dating. At first, he made it clear to me that he does not want a relationship, so it was more of a casual thing. As days go on, we were dating exclusively. He told me that he wants us to be exclusive but still no title to our relationship. We were so happy but somehow I thought I should push for what I want. I am already falling for him and I want to know if he has felt the same way. But he insisted on the no label, no title thing. We fought and he told me that from that point on, I can date whoever I want to date because we have no title anyway. So I did it for revenge. I would hang out with him and when the other guy would pick me up at my house, I would tell him I have to go because my date is at my house. Then one day, he flared up and does not want to date me anymore. We stopped talking for three months. I missed him a lot so I decided to talk to him again. I told him everything, that I fell for him and I was really hurt during those times that we stopped talking. He told me he still wants to hang out and be friends with me but he also told me that he does not like me anymore. I was so hurt and I told him I don’t want to talk to him anymore because I want to move on. Then, the next day, he vandalized my car! I know it was him because someone saw him. But it was not that serious. He didn’t break anything, but I have to go to a car wash to have it cleaned. So why did he do that? Was it really about me dating the other guy? If it was about it, I am confused because he was the one who doesn’t want to commit.

Thanks in advance for your advice!

Updates:
Thanks for all the advice!

Actually it all happened just recently. The car incident happend just last week. Yes, we are still coworkers, we work on the same department. But when we started talking two weeks ago, we would talk all the time on the phone and text whole day even while at work. And we were not like this before. He just told me that this was his complaint about me, that I didn't text or call him before. So I decided to change.
I am really trying my best to move on. But he's the guy I really like! I want to talk to him again, but when he told me he doesn't like me anymore, I lost hope and I'm afraid that I'm going through this denial stage where I try to believe that he still likes me. Aarrrgggghh! What should I do? :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The guy is still angry with most women because of the recent divorce, and tends to want revenge if he feels they are toying with him, or being unfaithful.

    While he didn't want a relationship so soon after his divorce, and you didn't have a title..he still half expected you not to see other guys, and even though he said you could, he was really hurt by your rubbing his nose in it the way you did, telling him your other dates where at your house..

    Also, he was probably worried about the work gossip that would come with an 'official' relationship...

    You should have been discreet about the other guys...

    So yes, he's going to be angry and will find it hard to be friends, in spite of him telling you it would be OK to date others. He wanted you to be his girl friend, even though he didn't want it to be official, at least not for a while, while he was still getting over the trauma of his divorce.

    Are you still co-workers? If not, he may be more willing by now to consider something official..IF he can get over his anger!

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What Guys Said 2

  • ...Neither of you have the temperament for an open relationship. If a person can hold his/her significant other as they cry because the other got dumped or rejected by someone else, those people can handle an open relationship.

    Intentionally trying to your partner jealous, followed by his minor dirty car revenge, signals to me that the two of you should stick to monogamy in your future relationships.

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  • Even if he doesn’t this is a toxic environment that will develop into a toxic relationship do as he says and date other people don’t waste your youth

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you aren't meant to be with each other right now.

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  • you are not ready for this, and I think you are rushing into things, I think you guys should try to be normal by yourselves before deepening the relationship

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