How do I forget about dating once and for all?

I'm a 23 year old college student, I'm on the shy nerdy side. I've tried approaching women and trying to get a girlfriend; But I've gotten nowhere at all. I feel like since I'm young, I will get ignored by women my age. But I'm not gonna date a woman I am not attracted to just because my success with women is low. And since the women I am attracted to are taken I will just be alone.

So since I am single and cannot get a girlfriend, I spend my weekends studying, playing video games, watching T.V., and that's it. I see couples my age kissing and I do get jealous sometimes because I can't get that at all in my life. Somedays, I wonder how some guys are good with women and I'm a complete failure with them. But for some men, you either got the skills to attract women or you don't. I know I don't have the charm or confidence to get a woman to like me (Just being realistic). So how do I forget about dating for good? I suck in this aspect in life.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you are still young don't give up. . Girls today are complicated and many of them end up with the bad boys, but when the girl is sick of getting hurt they search after guys like you. To succeed with just one woman you need to fail alot, before finding a girl who will like you for you. What you can do is to build your confidence within yourself (accept the person you are) and change your appearance if you are not happy about that, start by befriending different girls (both attractive or less attractive) girls so you know how to act around woman in general (know how girls think and what they like). . good luck, and don't give up on love!

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    • So I am supposed to date the bad boys leftovers?! Not gonna happen, too much baggage.

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    • "many of them end up with the bad boys" girls are attracted to bad guys. they feel safe, secure and protected with them. even if they breakup with them they don't regret because their fantasy to be with the bad guys is fulfilled. After getting heart broken, they look for next option and that is good guys. and that is also to boost their ego. SHIT. I beg all the parents not to teach their son to be a good nothing. F*** what good guys get is all the left overs. p**** that's already been drilled.

    • Humanbeing gets it, I'm not dating a bad boys leftovers. I'd rather be alone to be honest.

What Girls Said 4

  • Try online dating. You have to try. Try new hobbies where you meet people.

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    • I don't want to try, online dating hasn't worked. If a woman won't look at me or speak to me, I won't ask her out. I'm not bearing the brunt of rejection just because women are scared of getting torn apart. Rant over.

    • Ok be a spinner. It only takes a man alone in a quiet little room, not my problem, your problem. Human being aren't design to be lonely.

    • Who said I was lonely? I'm a loner, I enjoy my own company lol

  • Idk but when you find out, let me know. I'm fat and I haven't dated anyone. my friends don't help either because theyre always telling me to go out and meet guys, some suggest online dating, its all fun, woo hoo. whatever, I'm over it. its depressing and just such a buzz kill. I just need to get a good vibrator and get over this sexual and romantic frustration. its better to not care imo than to care and not be able to get the result you want. its two sided too. I'm just really insecure with myself, or being intimate with someone. I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea, but its just stressful over all. if I could turn a switch off and just not be interested in dating or sex, I so would. And being ugly would help. Most guys don't want the fat girl anyway, but being pretty, and talkative and social, leads to looks and flirting that give me hope or re-interest my mind. This is a hinderance.

    but getting involved in things helps, getting a life basically. the more you have to do and look forward to, the less time to think about romantic relationships. and focusing on yourself for your own end and not for a relationship. So if you want to be more confident in socializing, focus on that, if you want to get out more, focus on that, if you have a project or goal that you want to accomplish, focus on that. that's how I do it. make no mistake, when you have downtime, you may find yourself obsessing over this. I know I do. I'm enjoying my accomplishments and having fun with friends and talking to new people one minute and the next minute I'm making google tell me why I don't have a boyfriend because I'm fat. deadly cycle. however, you just have to practice pushing the thoughts away. turn it off, avert your attention to something else, something interesting or entertaining, replace one obsession with another, and just think "im fine by myself, its not a big deal." It may even help to lie to yourself and say "my time will come, itll happen." In the back of my mind, I know that I could be alone for a very long time, it may not happen. but telling yourself this can make you feel freer or more at ease, deluding yourself with "the universe will right itself" assurance can work. you don't actually forget "once and for all", you just get better at pushing the thoughts away and keeping busy.

    Welcome to my personal hell. You're welcome. :)

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  • you cant

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  • well try to lower your standards and try again don't give up.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You know, an awful lot of it is luck. It's not all skill.

    Here is an outrageous idea: As long as you are going to give up on dating, why not focus on becoming the kind of man with those qualities that would attract the kind of woman that you would like to be with. That way you are more likely to find a relationship without looking for it. People with exceptional qualities do not need to be as attractive or charming or outgoing as others are to attract the right people.

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    • Well I will give it a try. It wouldn't hurt.

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    • so do it for the sake of your own benefit, not for girls?

    • How would that benefit me? I stand by my statement, I will never approach a woman. I am NOT obligated to do anything for some random woman I don't know.

  • You don't have to give it up for life if you don't want to. However, you might change your focus or the types of girls you're interested in.

    I'm a nerd, too; so I might have a few ideas / thoughts.

    I worked VERY hard in college (for one short period of time in college I had a girlfriend), so I have a lot of times where I focus on certain things; to a point, that's a good thing. But, you can excuse yourself from potential opportunities because "you're so focused" - focusing on one thing can SOMETIMES be a crutch as much as it can be a positive. You have to kind of figure this out for yourself, though.

    I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out my life. I'm behind. Without success in my career, I'm not likely to have the life I want (which, yes, includes a girlfriend).

    On the other hand, I am looking for a certain type of woman.

    As much as I'm a nerd, I'm not really in a "nerd culture." Many of my nerd friends have moved far away. Those that see don't live in a nerd culture either, so THEY know few nerdy girls.

    Out of the women I know, only one is nerdy. The others make themselves inaccessible, which cuts opportunities.

    In my main group of "friends," most of the girls (not nerds) recently got boyfriends, and have the habit of dropping off from the group completely. The others don't plan things to do, so the amount of going out with others has been cut to once a week (yes, I invite them).

    So because of income and the fact that I have a tiny group of friends, I don't meet many different women, and I don't meet many of the women who would be interested (or who I'd be interested in).

    1) One trick is to start looking for girls that might be more your speed. If you have friends who know girls you'd be interested in, put some feelers out.

    2) If you can afford to go out (sadly, I can't) GO! Do things by yourself, sure, but do things you'd enjoy with others. Meet people. Do things you'd enjoy even when there's no women. Keep your eyes peeled. Don't shut off the idea of dating if you meet someone cool whom you think you'd hit it off with.

    3) Do things to improve yourself (yes, that means do well in school), and don't always do it for women, but you don't have to try to shut off looking; because if you never look, you might miss some opportunities (that doesn't mean you should settle).

    4) You might not ever be a natural with women; but you still might be able to learn a little so that you're BETTER with women (just be careful with the advice out there because some of it is horrible). If you don't have a clue as to how to start a conversation, and you stop having conversations, and hide away, you might get a little rusty. Talk to people. Be genuine.

    5) Be kind, be a man of value, do things you'd like; have your own adventures, and be social. Don't give yourself too many opportunities to have a lot of regrets later.

    Hope this helps.

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  • I too am a nerd (I recently graduated from a Tech school), so I do actually understand where you are coming from. I was amazingly lucky to have had two GFs while in college - albeit only one of the two actually lasted a while and mattered to me (almost 1.5 years after our first date, we actually became GF/BF). It takes a while to find and hold on to someone imo. It sucks like a DirtDevil vacuum when you aren't with someone, but eventually you will find her and she will find you. I have slowly refined what I look for in someone (other than being female), so question yourself about just what you are looking for in a relationship.

    My advice would be to focus on your studies - they do help keep your mind off women and once you do find someone who is interested in you, you will actually know what you are talking about when you discuss your particular interest. That brings out the confidence in you - just make sure you don't overdo it (women seem to be pretty tolerant, but do try to keep the conversation 50/50). Make a study group - hanging out with people while doing HW really helps, I think. Who knows, maybe you'll meet a friend of a friend (but don't count on it). Take up an athletic activity - exercise releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones that boost your confidence and self esteem; it also provides an outlet for frustration/anger and takes your mind off the subject; lastly, exercise will probably make you look better to women (even if you don't see any changes).

    I realize that what I said is as much about taking your mind off women as it is about making yourself more attractive to them, but some (most) of this is linked inseparably.

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  • I used to be an awkwardly shy individual and now I'm spontaneous, talkative and outgoing. What changed me you may ask? Just a few simple things.

    1) I gained a few interesting hobbies and became an outdoorsy guy.

    - I enjoy doing what I do and it brings me into positive state of mind. Girls/guys see me and they wanna join me.

    2) I started talking to cashiers and other people who are getting paid to talk. Overtime I just got better at small talk

    3) I got balls of steel.

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