Does anyone else think attempting to date is a massive waste of time for ugly people?

Joined a dating site, sent out the most messages it lets you send in a day, got 2 replies. One telling me I look camp. Another telling me that she is obese (I specifically say on my profile I'm not into that and she only had pictures of her face) The other 38 girls didn't respond.

I literally messaged the first 40 women who appeared on my search, apart from 3 (two obese girls and one girl I went to school with lol), so I'm not aiming high.

I planned on doing this every day for a month, I'm depressed after the first day and want to give up.

Updates:
I've decided to end my attempts at online dating now. After messaging over 250 women I got 18 replies, 2 agreed to meet and gave me their phone numbers only to flake later. 250+ messages (which is almost all the women local to me) and not a single date. Next up will be approaching random strangers around town, at least they are likely to give me a response, even if it f*** off haha!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Keep in mind the quality of your profile does come into play. If you are not selling yourself in it you're sending out pointless messages.

    Now keep in mind that a lot of profiles are liars. I've met quite a few liars overtime. I've met girls who looked nothing like their photo, girls who hid their weight, and so on.

    Also keep in mind looks aren't everything. OKCupid found that the guys who get messaged the most were ones who listed a high income in their profile section. The article outright says, " If you're 23 or older and don't make much money, go die in a fire." link Basically after age 25, you have to at least make 50K or more to stand a chance getting a date off these dating sites.

    My profile tells about what I do for work and while I don't list my income, girls are not likely to message me because I'm not a "manager" or in some big line of work or I don't have a Bachelor's degree or higher and girls will actually state it right in their profile that they will not date guys who don't have a college degree.

    A lot of guys lie about their height and a lot of girls are misleading about their physique, much like the face-only profile you messaged. The girl is most likely just looking for attention anyway.

    That's not to say there are no mature women on these sites looking for a real relationship. I've met some decent girls. The problem is there's a lot of trash on these sites claiming to be looking for a relationship when they really have underlying motives.

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What Girls Said 20

  • First of all, you're not even ugly. And there really is no such thing as being 'ugly' anyway, everybody is attractive to SOMEONE. Also, so-called 'attractive' people are ugly to SOMEONE.

    If you're walking around feeling like you look like sh*t, you're going to look like sh*t from the inside-out. Which is way worse than just being unattractive on the outside. The first step with your dating life is getting some confidence. Changing anything that you don't like about yourself before you try to find someone else. You can't expect a woman to accept you if you don't even accept yourself.

    Moving on, pay attention to what you say in these messages you're sending. Don't send messages that just say, "Hey." or "What's up." pr anything else that is completely vague. It makes you seem boring and uninteresting. Make sure the message has some kind of question, or ATLEAST specify who you're messaging. Like ask a question about something that was on their profile. No woman wants to respond to a message that seems like a mass attempt.

    Take more pics. Whether you like to or not, take as many as you can in different angles different settings, different lighting. Because by having only one pic it seems like you're trying to hide some deformity or something else that's wrong with you. Also, by showing people yourself, even the parts of you you're self conscious about, you'll be sure the person who responds knows exactly who they're talking to and will not back out later when they see whatever it is you're trying to hide about yourself. The point of online dating is to be completely up front and have someone take you as you are.

    Lastly, don't get discouraged from day one. Most people have a job, a family, friends, or anything else that equates to having a LIFE. So they aren't checking their messages on a dating site every five minutes. Or even every week. Be patient before you feel rejected because some people haven't even seen your message yet and you're getting all depressed.

    Hope I've helped some good luck :)

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  • First take the tampon out of your v*gina. Secondly online dating is the worst thing to do, get off your butt and go to the gym. Flirt with girls there. Half of them are just there for attention anyway and need a guy to compliment their sports bras. Last, don't call yourself ugly. This may be a horrible reference but in shriek when people called him a monster he saw himself as one and he too called himself that. When truthfully he wasn't.

    Coming from me you are not ugly. Now that you got a little confidence boost stop messaging equally desperate women.

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    • stupid advice right there^^^

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    • So you woulldn't date me but you assume other girls would? What are you basing that on? I'm not just unattractive to you, I am to all females other than those with literally no options.

    • Of course other girls would. I found my Prince Charming. So I'm not attracted to any guys other than him anymore.

      Plus your attitude is repulsive

  • Dude, your attitude sucks along with your irrational high ass standards. What makes you think that people are going to give you the time of day, when you're not even giving anybody else a chance. What the hell, you can't always get what you want. Yes, you're aloud to have your so called "preferences" but you also need to be open minded man. You're definitely not going to get anywhere that.

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    • with that*

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    • High standards? I messaged 40 out of the 43 first women to appear on my search. That means I'm willing to date over 90% of the females in my age range and location. How is that being picky?

      I sent out 40 messages and didn't get a proper reply or anyone message me, yet its me that won't give anyone else a chance?

      Not wanting to date obese women isn't high standards.

    • Can you please explain how my standards are irrationally high? I really want to know.

  • Why not meet girls in real life? Not too many cute girls need to go online to find a guy. Also if you're ugly (not saying I think you are because I haven't looked at your profile), but if you don't look good then maybe you should be more open to overweight women

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    • Its harder if your ugly (like me), or below average looking to get girls to talk to u. Like take yesterday for example I, was with my sister in her car and there was this really cute Blond girl in the car near us I kept looking at her, because I thought she was really cute. She looked at me for about three seconds and was like stop looking at me you ugly fat POS. BTW I wasn't staring at her just kept glancing but she as so cute couldn't help it. lol

    • I'm open to women who are chubby or have a few extra pounds. I'm not dating an obese woman. I go to the gym 4 times a week so how can it be fair that I have to date someone who hasn't exercised since they were born? Its disgusting and I won't do it.

  • No. Ugly people have other ugly people.

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    • Why don't ugly girls respond to my messages or message me then?

    • Because your attitude is just as ugly

    • But my attitude wasn't ugly when girls thought I was the good looking guy I used on my previous profile?

  • Change your attitude and you will see a HUGE difference

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    • My attitude is a result of my poor dating prospects, not a cause.

  • No, online dating is pointless though since most people only look at the pictures. Ugly women have this problem too, so don't feel special. Anyway, you're not ugly, that's bullsh*t.

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    • If I'm not ugly and ugly women get no attention why don't they reply to my messages?

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    • Okay I'll ask again... Why don't ugly women reply to my messages?

    • That one I don't know

  • I had my profile on a dating site before but the response wasn't good.

    I had the same feeling that iam not attractive but I heck since I am also not keen in dating site much. I prefer to know the person either through forum interaction or face to face.

    Seriously you are not ugly so please don't think this way

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  • It can be if you don't have the right approach. First of all, you're probably coming off as a bit desperate.

    For the record, I looked at your photo and I don't think you're ugly

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  • it is if they have a bad concept of it from the beginning

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  • Yup. Even a bigger waste of time for an ugly woman. Talking from own personal experience. I'm ugly, and there is no point in me trying. I used to try until about six months ago when I finally gave up.

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  • Pretty much. Dating websites don't seem to work for anybody

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  • I'm going to get flamed for this, but I am pretty damn attractive yet not every guy wants me online. I'm not fat but I don't meet people IRL. That's life. Stop being bitter and calling yourself ugly, and try again after an attitude adjustment.

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    • Don't worry I'll keep trying. I've just sent another 40 messages. Can't promise any attitude adjustment though.

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    • Proof or your lying. ^

    • Hah right? And SwissCheese, get a life. I'm hot, so what?

  • dude, it's your approach that's wrong. don't blame the girls for your failure.

    "I literally messaged the first 40 women" - so you probably just send out the same generic message. and you didn't even read their profiles to see if you would like them or have anything in common. think about how many unorginal "hey, what's up" messages those women get every day. just like you send out 40 messages, their inbox is probably flooded with 40 messages. now why should they pick YOUR message to respond to, instead of other guys?

    when I was on a dating website I used to hate when guys would just send me a message and obviously hadn't looked at my profile (or only at my pics). trust me, women can tell. even if a guy was hot, if he sent me a "hey" or "you're hot" or whatever, then I'd delete his message. put some effort into it! why me? why do you think we'd be a good fit? what did you like about me? even if guys send out a long essay, if it's not personalized (like "hey I'm also into blah blah, what do you think of ___?") then I'm going to assume he sends it to every girl. and I won't respond.

    so next time, think quality over quantity. find some girls you really have something in common with, and send them a personal message. show them what you liked about their profile. if you're not aiming high and just going for any girl with a heartbeat, they'll be able to tell and of course you won't get any responses.

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    • This is simply not true though, maybe it is for you but its not for the majority of women on dating sites. I've used this exact profile and messages only changing the location and pictures and it worked fine before.

    • while I generally agree, I think the irony of this post is the fact that you have admitted to having a lot of messages sent to you. I don't think girls really will ever fathom how much more difficult dating is for men. It's like the difference between looking for a job and being a business owner interviewing applicants.

    • I've actually ignored messages for the exact same reason, So while it may work with some women fine one day, the women who are getting a bunch of responses have to have some criteria on which one's to respond to. Usually the one's who don't even put forth any effort are the one's who aren't getting responses..

  • You seem attractive enough and can spell, so I'm not sure why you're having such a poor experience. I met my last boyfriend online and he had about the same experience as I did. We're both average looking and above average intelligence. We recently broke up, but for reasons that had nothing to do with meeting online.

    If you do continue, make sure your profile seems to reflect something interesting about yourself. Get some decent photos where you can see your face - the ones on here are too dark. If you message a girl, reference her profile instead of her photo. Also, don't just put a generic "hey."

    That being said, my ex and I were both in our late twenties and stuck in professions with mostly the same sex. You may be too young for effective online dating and should stick to real world dating for a while.

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  • no, it isnt

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  • not if you have fun with it.

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  • i think you shouldn't give up

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  • You're not unattractive. But I think you are just looking in the wrong place.

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    • no matter where I try to meet women its the wrong place. Where is the right place?

    • i don't really know, but I think when you are least expecting it, you get it :)

  • well keeon on trying to lower your standtards and don't give up after a day!

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    • My only standard is no obese girls and nobody that I know. So I can't lower them really haha.

      I won't give up, I'm determined to do this for the rest of the month so I can say I tried it and shut up everyone who thinks it some kind of magic cure.

      Next month will be approaching strangers as that never works either haha.

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    • what photos are you using? what does your profile say? I don't think the ones takend with your phone in the mirror ar ehte best, get some with more light that look natural and smile not smirk.

    • My smile is awful, my jaw is very asymmetrical causing my teeth to be at nearly a 45 degree angle to the rest of my face.

      Also I don't have many pictures, especially not of me out as I am very camera shy.

What Guys Said 19

  • Actually you seem to be a pretty decent looking guy. How you present yourself is infinitely more important than genetics.

    That being said, I am almost certain that 99% of girls on dating sites are only there so they can receive a constant supply of messages telling them what babes they are, from the least desirable men on the internet. They even try reverse psychology. We've all seen the "and don't message me if you're just going to tell me how attractive I am, that's disgusting"... Yeah right.

    I maintain a profile on one site, and check it every once in a while out of curiosity. Rarely, very rarely, I will get a genuine message from an interesting girl. Pursuing girls online is a suckers game. You have to set the bait and wait for them to come to you, as it were.

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  • If you want a good realisation of what you are up against make a fake profile pretending to be a girl and see how many messages you get. The basic problem with online dating is that the number of guys SIGNIFICANTLY outnumbers the number of girls, so girls only choose to respond to the best looking/most attractive guys because they can.

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  • Have a deeper think about this: Slumy asks if you have bothered sending messages written specifically for the individual you are messaging. You reply: no, that would take too long. Then to counter his suggestion that this is what is costing you replies, you simply state that the technique you are using of sending generic messages works for good looking guys. Well, so what? This fact does nothing to undermine Slumy's quite reasonable assertion that you are much more likely to get responses if you send proper messages!

    By the way, is that you in the photo in your profile? The guy in that photo may not be Brad Pitt but he's hardly quasimodo either. Seem quite average/normal looking to me.

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    • I have messaged chicks with questions DIRECTLY related to their profiles, and STILL get the cold shoulder half of the time... so whether or not this guy puts any more effort into his message is irrelevant.

    • Getting the cold shoulder "half of the time" is a better hit rate than question asker was reporting is it not?

  • 1. You're not ugly. Try cleaning yourself up and not moping in your pictures like a meth addict out of cash. A short beard might help you, along with some weight lifting.

    2. You're up against 5,000 other guys in your town doing the exact same thing.

    3. EVERYONE has trouble getting replies online. Women on okcupid rated 80% of men as below average--they're getting deluged with messages from guys like you, so they adjust their standards higher. It's only natural.

    4. Buck it up, and when you're got a shred of your manhood back after you hit the gym, go meet women in person if you want a date. Seriously. Online dating is for bored guys burning time at their desks/counting the minutes until the clock hits time to go home/to the bar. Trust me.

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    • 1. I have a beard. I've been weight lifting for six months.

      2. I know but I would be if I met girls anywhere else too.

      3. I'm well aware of this already.

      4. I already go to the gym. I already try to meet women in person.

  • The reason you didn't get replies is because there are 1000's of other guys that flood these girls message boxes with emails, the only way they could answer all of them is if they hire a personal assistant

    Not only that but a lot of the girl put up profiles for attention, they have no intention of actually dating guys from there (of course there's a one in 1000 chance they might)

    Best chance of dating a hot chick is to be more social, dating through acquaintances or your circle of friends is the best

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    • I have no chance of dating a hot chick ever. What is your advice for the best way to date a below average looking girl?

    • Best advice is to go out and meet other guys, and they will know some girls who you will end up meeting too, if you stick to just one source like the internet you're gonna be in trouble. What I'm saying is don't rely on the net dating sites

  • You look pretty good looking, from your photos. Your rating would likely be even higher if you had confidence. You're likely suffering through lack of confidence and some kind of self-loathing. Dating is nigh on impossible for guys with a lack of confidence, even those who are relatively physically attractive. Also, online dating is a cop out. Any kind of pleasure seeking distraction from what needs to be done in real life, eh?

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    • Hmm why does my lack of confidence show through in online dating using my own picture but not when using someone else's? Keep in mind I am using an identical profile and sending identical messages.

      My lack of confidence stems from a lack of success, not a lack of effort. If I put in more effort I will get more rejections, leading to further reduced levels of confidence. Why would getting rejected more and more make me feel better about talking to women?

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    • You tell me. Only you have the answer to that. What is holding you back. What is making you describe yourself in such a manner? You need to face your fears, most likely? There is likely some aspect of your life you are trying to hide away from. You called yourself ugly. You likely shouldn't be focusing on dating until you can improve your self esteem. Otherwise, your insecurities and emotional comfort-seeking in order to avoid what needs to be dealt with will spill over into the relationship.

    • I am physically unattractive though. Its been confirmed to me a number of times. I can't really deal with that. I could try to cover it up with surgery and steroid usage but even that is unpredictable and carries lots of risks.

  • Free site or paid?

    How's your profile?

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    • My profile and messages worked fine when I was a good looking guy in a different location.

      Free site but I'm only 21 and the pay sites obviously attract an older crowd, there probably wouldn't be 40 women near me and near my age to message on a pay site.

    • Maybe not. Online dating wasn't big when I was your age, so people I know who use it more are say 24+. For them, I've heard far better experiences from paid sites.

      What are you saying in your opening message? The guy I know with the most success asked girls to meet in person on message 1.

  • Did you actually take the time to read their profiles, their interests in order to make an individual message for each one of them? (I know the answer is no)

    See, girls on dating websites receive dozens of messages everyday, so if you just send a generic message, of course she won't answer.

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    • I don't have time to do that every day for 40 girls. That would take hours. From previous experimentation I know that good looking guys can get very good response rates with the profile and messages I am using.

    • Also most of them viewed my profile so it wasn't the message that put them off...

  • Learn pick up. Know who Adam Lyons is? Richard LaRuina aka Gambler? They're from the UK like you.

    Those guys changed my life for the better. And I just used a bunch of their free stuff/ paid very little for some of their stuff (like barely 20 bucks).

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    • He says PUA is all a scam. lol

    • I was into PUA for about 4 years. It doesn't work. Its a marketing scam.

    • Well, it helped me out and they have a bunch of free stuff online. So I didn't lose anything.

      I only learned from Adam, Sinn, and SimplePickup. It's EXACTLY like working out. If you go in half-assed, it's not going to work and you'll quit. If you give it everything without quitting, then you'll succeed.

      90% of the work is all you, and 10% is the guideline that PUA draws out for you.

  • Send me your profile. and what messages you send. I bet that's the real problem.

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    • Only it wasnLt a problem before when I had a different location set and used a different picture? Either girls where I live are evil (unlikely) or its my face that is the issue. Those are the only variables that have changed.

    • Are you self mirror shots like in your pics here? Those are a game killer.

  • I myself am far from ugly, but I'm finding that dating is a massive waste of time too!

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  • I agree 110% I'm considered to be ugly and heck even fat, its bad enough I get turned down in person the last thing I, need is to be turned down online. Good looking people have it so easy.

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  • i think if the guy is confident the girl would like him.

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  • It's not at all. Everyone should have a chance in dating.

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  • I know the feeling man. I'm only 5'4, so my height is pretty much a deal breaker for 90% of women, if not more. Granted I wasn't planning on dating her but a girl that I know through some mutual friend, after hitting it off with her, made a comment to another girl that she would marry me if I was taller.

    On dating websites, I've sent out 15-20 messages, all personalized and well though out, only to get 0 replies and the only girls who ever message me are obese or have kids.

    Basically I've taken a step back. I don't put the same effort into dating as I used to, because 90% of the time, my efforts were wasted, which isn't very motivating. I've personally decided to just let love find me. As I've done in the past, I don't really make an effort, I just let the girls do the work and make their interest known before I risk wasting my time. Every time I've done that, I've literally have 100% success.

    That said, you still have to make an effort to improve yourself. Go the gym, get a new haircut, upgrade your wardrobe, improve your attitude, work on your career, any little thing that improves your prospects. I have to Jenni, your not ugly. Yeah you're not brad pitt, but I definitely wouldn't consider a lost cause.

    Online dating is just really bad for guys. You have to realize that while a girl you met on the street might have no problem going out with you, in online dating, all the average to attractive women, are getting literally 100 messages a day. So unless you are the top 10% of guys, most likely you'll get ignored. And I mean that in every way, not just looks. Online dating is a god send for any women who is halfway decent looking. Then again, I think online dating actually outlines dating in what appears to be a more quantifiable format. It allows us to see dating for a more scientific perspective, which I believe is very telling about dating dynamics. About 90% of men have to work there asses off to get dates, only about 10% of women have to do the same.

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    • This is nearly a perfect answer.

    • It's just a fact of life and dating. If I was having a 50% success rate for instance, I would be a lot more willing to invest my time and energy in chasing a girl. But when you odds are much lower for whatever reason, such as not being super attractive, obviously your going to a lot more hesitant to to invest your time. The key word here is investment. Forgetting to step back and analyze your success is like continuing to throwing money at a slot machine, even though you never win.

    • God almighty. What happened to my grammar in both of my posts.

  • Yeah, online dating f***ing sucks. I don't even put my pic up after this one girl cut off contact with me only after I uploaded an image...ouch

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  • starting to think that

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  • Life is to short to date ugly women.

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  • Online dating is a huge waste of time for most guys. Guys think online dating will be easier than making real-life approaches. It isn't. You're at a huge numerical disadvantage online. The fact is, there are very few guys who are confident enough to make frequent approaches in real life. Online, every guy is confident enough to send a huge number of messages.

    The only kind of guy who might find online dating easier than real-life dating is a shy guy with supermodel type looks.

    Also, almost inevitably, girls online are going to be pickier than girls in real life. Almost all girls (even ugly girls) get approached in real life. So it's only the pickier girls who would feel the need to start online dating.

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    • I was actually quite aware of how sh*t this was going to go, part of me hoped I'd have some success though. I'll continue to update this every week for the rest of this month and we'll see if its a complete and total waste of time or just nearly that level.

      I mainly decided to do this so that next time someone tells me I should try online dating I can just link them to this.

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