Guy asked to be friends after a nice first date

I finally met this guy on a blind date who is 8 years older than me. A common friend hooked us up. The date went nicely, no awkward moment at all. Later in the evening I received a text message from him >> Can we be friends?

What's the deal?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The deal is that we don't know.

    Worst case scenario: he wasn't attracted to you, which doesn't mean you are ugly or anything like that, but rather that you just weren't his type for some reason.

    But there's a very high probability that it isn't even that. He may well just want to take things slow, either because he is afraid of commitment due to his past, or because he's not sure if HE is good enough for you (insecurities from his past), or whatever.

    The point is: you need to be a grown-up and TALK to him and ask HIM what he means. Don't be afraid to do that; it will help both of you. Also, remember that dating is a lot like baseball. A great hitting average is .300 (30%), meaning 7 out of 10 at-bats are a failure. You aren't going to click with every guy you date, not by far; no one does, and that's totally okay. Don't get too concerned if you don't click with someone, it just means you need to move on to the next guy.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I've totally done that before. I'm a pretty goal-oriented person, and I can usually tell within a date or two whether I feel that "spark," the one necessary to sustain a romantic relationship. There have been a few times where I really liked a girl's company, and I even found her attractive, but I just didn't feel that chemistry. There are three choices then:

    1) Never talk to her again because you know it's not going to work, in which case, you've lost someone whose company you enjoy.

    2) Continue to date for a while longer, let things get physical, then break up when she wants things to get more serious, in which case you've lost someone whose company you enjoy. Or,

    3) Ask her if she wants to be friends, in which case she might say yes, and you now have a friend whose company you enjoy.

    If you want to be friends with him, be friends with him. If you're not looking for that, it's okay to tell him so.

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  • He's saying he wants a LTR and to start with, he wants a commitment to friendship. There's no telling where it might lead after that!

    Give him a warm, encouraging response, and see what happens next, would be my advice!

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  • Perhaps he wasn't attracted to you.

    Perhaps he's a nice guy but has social issues around dating, which is why they set him up, and he's now avoiding going further down that path.

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    • He said I was pretty...

    • TBH, his actions do not sound to me like someone who dates a lot. If he did, he wouldn't have texted you THAT quickly with 'can we be friends?'. People who date a lot run into people they don't really want to date all the time, and they usually just let things die off. My guess is he doesn't know much about dating. Maybe he wasn't interested, maybe he's such a loser he thinks you ask to be friends first, maybe he's terrified of actual dating.

    • A friend told me he hasn't gone out dating in a very long time after his girlfriend cheated on him

  • welcome to the friend zone it is not a bad thing maybe he just didn't want to let you go because he thought it wouldn't work romantically there is nothing wrong with having a great friend around and spending time together with somone you enjoy. Try to find the positive out of all your frustration with him

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  • So this guy is around 40 already? Tell him you don't need a friend, but a lover.

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  • FWB

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What Girls Said 3

  • he lost itnerest

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  • hes not interested,

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  • he just wasn't interested

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