Girls, what’s your view on paying for dates?

Assume the guy is of approximately the same economic status as you.

What I mean by ‘strongly prefer’ is that it would be a MAJOR turn-off (maybe even a deal-breaker) if the guy did the opposite of what you prefer.

What I mean by paying for yourself is: either you get separate checks, or you split the bill equally or roughly equally.

This is a question about what you would prefer to happen, not necessarily what actually has happened on the dates you've gone on.

  • I strongly prefer to pay for myself.
    9% (4)3% (1)6% (5)Vote
  • I prefer to pay for myself, but it’s not a strong preference.
    29% (13)6% (2)19% (15)Vote
  • I strongly prefer the guy pays.
    18% (8)12% (4)15% (12)Vote
  • I prefer the guy pays, but it’s not a strong preference.
    42% (19)6% (2)27% (21)Vote
  • I’m a girl who dates ONLY girls. / I’m a guy.
    2% (1)73% (24)33% (25)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Also, feel free to give reasons for your answer.
For the purposes of this question, paying for yourself also includes taking it in turns to pay.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I prefer to pay for myself, but on the first date I won't insist on it (unless it's a really bad date and I know I won't see him again). When I ask a guy out, I'd prefer it if he let me take care of it (it's my show after all lol), buuut that rarely happens.

    Anyway, yeah, all in all if I'm dating a guy I want us to be contributing fairly equally. And after the first few dates taking turns is preferable to splitting the bill. This is how I prefer it to be, and it's happened like that most of the time. There was one exception, but he wasn't a fellow (practically) broke student like me, so the different economic status aspect came into play a bit.

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What Girls Said 33

  • I always tend to split the bill. I think that there is a double standard, when girls complain that guys need to treat them as equals and yet expect the guy to pay for dates. If you want a modern guy, be a modern girl and pay for your own food. The same goes for guys who think that paying for the dinner, means that she should be more likely to put out

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    • *i forgot to add on to my last statement, I was gonna say that when you go for a date, money should not be a factor for attraction.

    • I completely agree

  • I prefer to share the costs of dating. I don't see any reason why one person should be expected to always or mostly pay, considering that the dates are meant for both of us to enjoy.

    In my experience, either my date and I split the bill, one of us pays for one part of the date and the other pays for another (e.g. one person pays for dinner, the other pays for a movie), or we take turns paying. I'm pretty flexible to what my date wants to do.

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  • if I had a date,i'd prefer separate checks. but that's link

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  • I prefer to split the costs, or take turns paying. I feel uncomfortable when he constantly pays for meals / dates... likewise I can't afford to be the only one paying all the time. Voted B.

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  • I'm fine with paying for myself. Especially on the first date, because I might not be interested and I don't want him to think I'm using him.

    Another good reason why I like to pay for myself is because a lot of guys think just because they paid the have a surprise waiting for them, and that's not going to happen. I don't want them to get angry and thewhole give me back eery singe penny I've ever spent on you, or I've given you what you want ow\\now your're going to do the same (want to avoid being sexually harrased/raped).

    But, I have no problem paying for myself, especially if what I got was expensive. As we date more I would like for him to pay for me and be a gentleman. Later, if were still tgether I wouldn't mind paying for both of us. In a relationship I like it 50/50, so wh not pay for him every onnce in a while.

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  • In reality we all know that convention has put men in the paying seat. If a guy was bothered by paying for the date he was lucky enough for me to agree to then he's money obsessed and I want nothing to do with him. Even if he brings up money during the course of the meal, mentally I'm out.

    Don't get me wrong I'm very uncomfortable to have someone pay for me but it's better than thinking he's a tight-wad.

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    • I see your point. But honestly, if you feel the date is about his luck (and not at all about yours), you're probably not that keen on the guy anyway. If I felt that way in your position, I would probably decline the date.

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    • That's exactly the point. You want to see that he is not so wrapped up in money to take offense to paying. I don't want to go out with a guy who begrudges every penny spent or keeps score. As I said I'd be much happier to pay so I'd owe him nothing but it's part of the mating dance. I'm not cheap or a tight wad. Quite the opposite and I'd expect the same in a suitable partner for me.

  • I personally think that whoever /asks/ should go forward into the date with an expectation of paying. Even so, knowing myself, I would still volunteer.

    If I request someones company, whether that be a date or not, I always prepare to take the responsibility. And I would appreciate it if a man at least good-naturedly offered. I think I'd be wary if the guy didn't extend the possibility, actually.

    If my date was set on consistently covering the entire expense, it would make me uncomfortable.

    Beyond that, I am fine with splitting the check, but I also think that the occasion can /sometimes/ be awkward, cumbersome, and inappropriate. I am in higher favor of either alternating who pays each date, or perhaps one person pays for dinner somewhere, the other pays for dessert at another location, then the other pays for the activity (such as a movie), and to conclude, the other pays for any extras (like treats at a theater), or such.

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  • I feel like if you split the bill, it's not a date. Whoever asks should pay. If the first date goes well, and there are more to follow, then rotating paying would be appropriate. I think the idea of asking someone out, and then expecting them to pay half (or, the whole thing, like some seem to think should be the case, since they did "the hard part" by asking) is tacky.

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  • I prefer if the guy pays/we split it. Although, if I knew that we were going to split it then I might cancel the date. Not because I'm a golddigger or anything, I'm just a broke student. Coffee is expensive to me...so...yah. I'd much rather have cupcakes/cookies and a walk or get a "diy" picnic in the park (one brings drinks, other brings sandwiches). I think it's much more economical as a 2+ date.

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  • C

    I strongly prefer the guy pays.

    I think it's a sign of being a true gentleman and chivalrous. It's sweet

    Now if it's a horrible date, I'll probably just split or pay for the both of us to get the hell outta there. But I've yet to experience that

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    • Ok then...well, I'm traditional

      I'm very much appreciative for everything my boyfriend does for me and he knows that. It works for us and he's the one who insists on paying...so I'm happy I found a guy who feels the way I do

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    • I have to agree with you. I was raised by my father to hold out for a gentleman. +1

    • Agree with poster. Gentlemen ftw

  • I strongly prefer a guy to pay on the first date. After that, it's not a big deal. We can take turns or split the bill.

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  • Unless it is discussed before we go out, I prefer him to pay. This is only for early on in a new relationship however. Once we are serious and monogamous I will offer to pay every once in a while. I like taking my boyfriend out to dinner to make him feel special.

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  • Honestly, I'd rather pay for myself because I don't want to owe anything to anybody. In case the guy and I happen to break up, I'd feel like I wasted money he could have spent on something else.

    I know it's not conventional, but seriously, a date is an etiquette you put on a social situation, it has nothing to do with who pays. You can call it a "date" even though you went Dutch. It's no big deal to me because as long as I get to see the person I'm interested in, I couldn't care less about those rules.

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  • I would prefer for us to pay for our own meals. I guess it depends, but I'm not all that comfortable about someone, guy or not, paying for my food.But if he fights me on it, he can go right ahead. But if he expects me to pay for both of ours, then that's a deal breaker for me.

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  • I feel extremely uncomfortable with others paying for my stuff, so I'd pay for myself and maybe even for him if I'm in a particularly good mood. I won't protest to him paying (I know guys hate it when girls don't accept favors), but I would feel bad and at least offer to pay myself. If however, he keeps leeching off of me (he never pays for his stuff or doesn't pay for me as much as I do for him), I will be pissed and dump him.

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  • I can pay for myself and he do the same.

    It shouldn't be about the money anyway if it is, I guess that guy is broke as hell and money is a big issue with him!

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  • I prefer that the guy always pay for the dates. 100% of the time. I'm old fashioned that way. And if it's the first date, and he doesn't pay or offer to pay, it's an automatic deal breaker. Just being honest.

    Now I've been dating my boyfriend for a while and there was a point where we were going out every night because I had to stay with him during a transition period and he was covering every one of my meals. He asked me to pay a couple times which was fine since I know he's not rich and they weren't dates, just meals.

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  • On a first date, the guy should pay. After that, the guy and the girl (or the girl and the girl or the guy and the guy) should split the bill.

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    • Why should the guy have to pay for the first date? Especially if he asked first. He already did the most important thing to start a relationship, he asked you out and initiated things. After all, if he never did that you'd likely not have. Though if you asked first, maybe he should pay then. Imo since asking out is the hardest part the other should have to pay.

    • That's kind of a flawed logic, you are offering a date to another person, it means that you have the financial capacity to pay and provide for that given date. It's not a hangout with a friend, it is a date. The way you are talking, you are like the person in a team that shouts ideas on how to do something, but let's the other actually do the grunt work...

    • If a guy asks the girl out, he should pay. If it's the girl that asks the guy out, she should pay.

      You wouldn't invite someone like a friend out for lunch, and then when the check comes, turn to that person, and say,"Oops. Forgot my wallet. I guess you're paying for our food/all of it." Or automatically saying to the person, "You got this, right?" when you were the person who initiated the date or the luncheon in the first place.

  • I have no preference and don't really care. I have been on plenty of dates where we both decided to pay separate.

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  • Taking turns

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  • I feel like who ever asked/invited the person out is the one who should pay.

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  • I always pay for my for myself, even sometimes for the guy :)

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  • I don't mind paying because it's fair.

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  • I think the guy should pay, I rarely go out on dates, if we went out often I would pay sometimes, but I prefer eating at home because I follow a strict diet. At restaurants I usually have a salad and water, I don't drink so I am a cheap date,lol.I like when he pays because it feels like he is taking care of me and is the dominant one.

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  • I am a complicated woman, so...I guess my answer is really gray..

    I want the guy to offer to pay. Because if he expects me to pay, he's automatically out. Especially for the first date. I feel that offering to pay for it is respectful and polite. If he expects me to pay, he knows nothing of ettiquette, and as a person who is all about proper ettiquette when dealing with people, I want nothing to do with such a person.

    HOWEVER, I do not expect him to pay every time. Sometimes when a guy offers to pay, I may kindly decline and say I can pay for myself. If he persists, then I let him pay. For his birthday or some other type of holiday, I would pay for both. Or maybe if I'm just picking up pizzas, I would pay for it. But when it comes to romantic dates (and especially the first date!), I feel that it's proper ettiquette for the guy to offer to pay, and be ready to pay (even if it turns out you might not be the one paying). In other words, guys should not feel as though it's a burden to pay for the girl.

    I remember once I went on a date with a guy to a movie, and he didn't have a lot of money, so we didn't get any popcorn or sodas. I was totally fine with it, because I was happy he was going to pay for the tickets. But my mom was all "what a loser, he couldn't even buy popcorn and drinks for you guys". I was really appauled by her response, because for one, I didn't need any snacks. And two, he didn't have to pay for my ticket, but he did.

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  • to me it's more like a nice gesture, say on the first date we go for dinner and a movie then we get a drink after, I wouldn't expect him to pay for everything, but it's nice if he offers to pay for the drink...

    I will be honest if he doesn't offer to pay for *anything* for the first couple of dates, it makes me seriously doubt the sincerity of his interest.

    some guys will shout about double standards and equality, but that's just it, dating world is still not equal, it's basically the courtship leading to sex, which women are still judged more harshly on, until we're allowed to enjoy sex without the stigma and labels or until men stop playing women for sex, men have to keep paying for dates and convincing us they are sincere worth it.

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    • Interesting answer. But I don't think men (apart from the relatively small number of religious conservatives) do judge women harshly for having sex. From everything I've seen, it's mostly other women who call women 'sluts' and so on. I think it's a way to undermine the competition perhaps. I think what actually perpetuates the situation of men having to pay is that there's no significantly large enough group of men willing to refuse to do it.

    • I don't think that's true I don't know any girl who actually *expects* a guy to pay, plenty don't it's not like we go on dates without our wallets...but obviously if you DO offer to pay for something it's a flattering gesture and is going to work in your favour...no amount of whining will change that fact.

  • I was just having this discussion with my younger brother and his friend.

    I think that the first few dates the guy should pay, but after that take turns or split, which is what I usually do. But if the girl asks first, then sure, the girl can pay. I personally hate when people pay for me, but I don't want to offend the guy either.

    My brother and his friend both thought that the guy should always pay "because that's his job". The friend has been dating his girlfriend almost a year and says he always pays even though she offers sometimes. That seems pretty extreme to me.

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    • No offense but your brother and his friends are morons.

    • Yeah like I said, that seems extreme to me, and being a girl I would not let a guy pay all the time. But if it's what they're comfortable with, then I don't see a problem! It's not like they date stupid shallow girls who take advantage of them.

  • i vote D,

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  • I think for at least the first date, whoever initiated the date should pay. After that, taking turns! My boyfriend doesn't like me to pay for anything, but I also don't want him to pay for everything, so I often have to steal his card or wallet so I can pay at least once in a while.

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  • i think he should pay at least the first three, because I alreayd like him if I am dating him

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 11

  • I'm getting tired of this bullsh*t that men pay or that because he asks first he should have to pay. Asking is the hardest and most important part of starting a relationship. If no one asks, it never starts in the first place. Whoever asks has already done a really hard and stressful part. Getting over the nervousness and fear and anxiety. Why should they have to pay for the date too and increase even more of the risk to them?

    At the very least all dates should be split or the very least an even amount of trading who pays. A lot of bullsh*t that one person is expected to pay over the other be it the guy or the girl. Especially if they did all the work initiating sh*t.

    And if girls come around and go "it's not hard to ask someone out" tell me why your gender almost never does it compared to men. Especially when you demand equality yet won't bring it in social regards.

    Oye. So dumb how sexist and outdated women are yet they get away with it...

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    • Haha you talk like asking a person out is insanely difficult... It's really not that hard. Why doesn't my gender do it more? I can't answer that, because I have asked guys out in the past and so have many of my female friends. It's not something to be afraid of.

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    • Yes, because they have the p****. ;-). And we want it...

    • That's not a reason to pay for sh*t. And it's easy to get p**** without even having to go on a date.

  • I think it should be equal

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  • I think both partners should pay 50/50

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  • The whining on the guy's side of this is just comical.

    Don't want to pay? Don't. Find a girl who doesn't care. Or at least tell her she owes you a beer with a grin when you pay.

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  • Last date I went on the girl offered to pay but we just paid our own way. Was kinda caught off guard with it but some dates I have gone on have been like that or just flat out dutch or I paid. There's many mixes out there.

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  • Bottom line...women find men who pay attractive. No one likes a broke a**hole asking for "FIVE DOLLAS!"

    End of story.

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  • You know it should be 50/50

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  • First two or three dates, I pay for the date, it is important to show that I can provide to someone else's needs... All is well in love, but no matter what they say, no girl want a dirt-poor guy that can't afford to take her out once in a while...

    However, that being said, if the girl doesn't offer to pay for her share of the bill on the first date, that is a major turn-off. It doesn't even have to be a 50/50 split, just offering to pay for something (like a popcorn at the movies). Even if I'll decline and still pay, it shows she's not a golddigger.

    At the second or third date, girls usually tend to be more persistent with their offer to pay up, so if it's a small thing, I'll let her treat me, and if it's not, I'll probably send a sarcastic one-liner about the fact that she shouldn't worry, as I'm keeping tabs anyway and I'll send her a bill at the end of the year so she pays her share. Usually get a laugh, and still get the message across that she shouldn't expect me to pay every time.

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  • Looking at the poll results and reading through the responses here, the phrase "have their cake and eat it too" comes to mind.

    The hypocrisy of women never ceases to amaze...

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    • The hypocrisy of anonymity is funnier. Why not uncheck that mark and show your name tough guy? At the end of the day, it's not hypocrisy. They expect equality in their rights, but in relationships, it's never equal. End of story.

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    • Well said, Leto. You have to wonder about the intentions of a "man" who argues in favor of discrimination against men.

    • @CaptainJackH: No, I think most women claim to want social equality too, not just legal equality. If it was just legal equality, then in the Anglo world nothing would have been said about the issue of equality for almost 100 years. The second and third waves of feminism came decades after legal equality, and of course they made it quite clear that social equality of the genders, maybe even a transition away from gender roles, was the goal.

  • I find it funny that most of the girls want the guy to pay. Girls always want to be the one that is treated better

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    • They want to be equal, but never want to put in equal. I had this discussion one time in the past where I was paid equally with other property managers being female. But none of them wanted to clean equiptment or climb latters, so they did not want to do equal work, but wanted equal pay.

  • I'm personally turned off if a girl doesn't split the bill

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    • Looks like two woman downvoted me

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    • Should clarify, I didn't downvote lol. I don't have any reason to. Just saying 4 women have (or men who might as well be women since they put them on pedestals too much)

    • Yes, women will down vote you when they see truth. They don't like truth.

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