Getting very depressed due to a lot of rejection, how can I stop?

I know I'm a smart hardworking person and that is also in my love life. I read books on dating, watched YouTube videos all that sh*t.

I've been on four dates in my entire life all from this website in the past year, all first dates with different guys obviously.

Never even kissed I'm 23. And the last date I had about a week ago the guy was a total jerk. Msged me for 3 weeks but then after he saw me in person he talked for about 45 min a then checked his watch and asked me when I was going to meet my friends. He was very attractive and smart too... and basically rejected me b.c. didn't message me after the date and when I texted him he gave me answers which implied he didn't want to talk.

Anyways met another guy on an the same online website which is free. He's moved here for the last month from a smaller town, because he got a job. Lives about 15 minutes away from me. Anyway, after I sent my pic they guys answers/questions weren't as long as before I sent the pic and the convo was boring. Then I asked to exchange number since I was going to close the site. He gave me his number. I don't think he really puts in an effort to have a conversation. Asks me things but not really there kind of thing.

I told him to call me one night and the next day he msged and said he got tired from work and fell asleep (but he had a online status on pof chat at the time I remember...maybe the app just says "On" who knows)

I told him to call me one day this past week, he said sure in a bit. 3 hrs later I text him and he said he'll call then. Did that about 15 min later.

He's a pretty attractive guy and smart too. We talked about 10 min on the phone and then he said he had to do some chores/battery was dying and he sounded tired and also asked if I wanted to do coffee the next day. I messaged him to let him know (next day) that I couldn't do it then and could we re-schedule for thurs. I don't here from him so I message him using an app that tells when the person reads your msg. I asked him if he got my message yday and he said no. I ask to reschedule for a different day, he was okay with that. We haven't talked for 2 days and today I message him to arrange the date for tmrw and now he reads my msgs and doesn't reply. =ANOTHER REJECTION FML

I really liked him and I keep getting rejected, I'm getting so annoyed and upset I'm lashing out at other people b.c. I'm so mad. I've been bridesmaid to my friends wedding this year (same age and she's has a lot of experience) and I can't even get a f***ing kiss. I'm so depressed.

I talked to this online guy friend I made from last year about it and he's known my guys issues. And last time I talked to him he was like "you've been rejected so many times you should be used to it by now".


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think 4 unsuccessful first dates qualifies as "a lot of rejection".

    I am looking at what you've written: You are 23, and the only times you've dated were this year from an online dating service. You read books on dating and watch YouTube videos.

    You are just inexperienced, obviously. Based on what I know about you, you probably lack the conversation skills with guys if you can only manage to get dates online. Starting a conversation and maintaining it in person is a lot different than online as you have experienced. All the books and videos won't help you if you don't get out there and practice.

    This isn't bad or even rejection, really. I'd say rejection is when a guy refuses to talk to you, or doesn't show any interest (which the 4 guys did show...initially). They saw something about you that made them interested but the conversation/chemistry didn't light up. Once you get better at talking, you will become more personable and guys will want to go on second dates and such.

    Look at it this way: You've decided to have an active dating life and you are off to the right start. Do NOT compare yourself to your friends getting married, etc...you are not your friend, you are the 23 year old girl who is getting more knowledgeable in dating. It goes back to that quote "Be yourself, because everyone else is taken".

    The best thing you can do for yourself is be confident. Like you said, you're a smart hardworking person. Work hard, and you'll catch on quickly on how to behave around guys.

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    • Yeah I have worked hard. Its not that I can't hold a proper conversation with a guy, I can. I use to be super shy and would blush having a convo with any guy even ones I had no attraction to a few years ago but now its super easy for me. The same with these dates, their were barely any awkward pauses and the last coffee date lasted 2 1/2 hrs but the guy didn't even bother to text me after. I really just think its because I'm from an Indian decent and I look that way and white guys that I like

    • are not attracted. I really have to try and work hard on just never being able to find love. Its sucks but at least my parents will get me married off to some guy (arranged marriage). I might fall in love that guy but very rarely am I attracted to an Indian guy, VERY rarely. I have to accept my fate, which sucks. :(

What Guys Said 7

  • Forget about dating websites. Go out into the real world to find a guy. Find a guy that seems attractive to you. Find something interesting around that you have a few words to say about. Then tell him what you have to say about that thing. Start a small conversation. After having a small talk, you might hit it off with something more personal if he seems to like you, and you seem to like him.

    I'm 23, never been kissed, never been on a date, never had a proper hug with a girl. But when I travel around New York City when I visit my grandparents, I always talk to people by finding something that I can start a normal conversation about. The people are usually older than me, but I don't care. I enjoy talking with them.

    You might get lucky and even exchange phone numbers.

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  • You are competing with other girls on any dating website. If you're tired of rejection, spend less time online and meet guys in real time! Then they won't be checking their messages for the other girls they meet online.

    Join clubs for people with your type of background or interests..that's always a good place to start, with less pressure than online introductions!

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  • I think it's more that the guys you've picked aren't decent, not because of yourself. I know the sting of rejection and after coming out of a heavy 5 month depression (still recovering) I know how easy it is to take stuff like that to heart.

    What exactly compels you to talk to these guys? Is it their looks? If it's something as fickle as that maybe you need to change your perspective.

    I'd like to think you're kind and considerate, it'll just take time to find someone who can appreciate your intelligence and personality.

    PS, I'm 21 and I got my first kiss 8 months ago.

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  • Check this out: h t t p /

    /thedatinggurus.com/why-i-cant-get-a-boyfriend/

    Blunt, but it may help.

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    • thanks I looked over it...and this is what I found. 1) I do message the guys first (my pic isn't up and only get sex offers otherwise) 2) When they ask for pics I do give it to them and the ones that want to keep talking 3) The last guy I went on a date with didn't ask for a pic for two weeks! And then saw my pic, a week later asked me out, but was a total a**hole on the date. 4) Maybe I'm just aiming too high. I have the currency 'being smart, funny, ambitious' but I'm not a super hot girl.

    • Need pics, no action without.

      There are guys that will value you, but you have to blow a lot of frogs.

      Aiming too high? As in looks?

      Good looks = high maintenance.

      Less good looks can often mean kindness, gratitude, enthusiasm, friendliness, consideration. And the pleasure from the intimacy is just as good, better when you factor in the pleasure of being loved, valued, considered, taken care of.

  • Think about this, you're a girl! At least you get messages on your dating profile! I never receive any messages and girls never respond to the messages I send them, and what sucks is that I am serious about love! Guys answer you, girls reject me! At least you have a chance at love! I don't!

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  • rejection happens to everyone just move on and try again.

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  • That's the dating world. You get rejected.

    You should strive to get the "Yes" from the next guy.

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What Girls Said 4

  • hmm wow

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  • why don't you just dress your best and go somewhere public and get ego boost from guys who flirt with you

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  • Go out and find guys were you live, talk to amy guy I red matthew husseys book and I think he actually helps.

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  • lower your standards. I'm sure there's a guy out there that would love to be with you, be more open.

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