How do I deal with his smoking?

I didn't mind it when my boyfriend was just drinking beer and chewing tobacco (he quit smoking a few years ago) when we first started dating, but once he got out of the military, he started smoking weed. He knows I don't like it and it drives me crazy, I hate the smell of it, the way he acts, and especially the taste when he kisses me after. We made an agreement that he cannot do it when I am around, because it bothers me that much. Now recently instead of waiting until I leave to smoke when I am at his house, he will go out into the garage and smoke real quick. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just won't respect what I say. Now he has started smoking cigarettes again along with chewing. I think it is just as bad, and just plain unattractive. I love him to death, but I am at a breaking point. When I started dating him he didn't smoke anything, but know its all I can smell and all he wants to do. How do I deal with this?

Updates:
Thank you, I didn't realize his side too much, and I don't want him to resent me in any way. I think that I just need to make it a point to not express my anger out loud as much as I do. I think that I need to leave when he wants to do it, and that way he can notice that if he's smoking, I won't be around. Hopefully he will realize that I'm more important, and want to stop on his own.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't force a man to change. He wants to smoke just as badly as you want him to not smoke. At least he hasn't been smoking around you since you asked him and if the taste still bothers you when you kiss him you could ask him to brush his teeth or chew some gum after. Trying to control him is only going to make him resent you so you should either learn to live with it or move on.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I use a lot of tobacco myself. The only thing is I want to quit myself. I don't do as many as I used to since the past 3 years. I've tried patches and stuff but they simply don't work out. Now I'm seriously considering clinical hypnosis. It's to deal with the withdrawal symptoms (for which one needs liberty of time and resources - neither of which I have, especially the former). End of the day it's all up in the head.

    Try showing him articles, pics and videos of various outcomes of such addictions. let it also include stuff that are not only detrimental to health but also finances and work. These may never seem to work immediately but it will set the mind thinking subconciously if not consicously. Then only when he wills it will it happen.

    In my case it will happen cause I want it to happen. And it's not that he doesn't respect you. I urge you not to look at it in that light. I'm sure he loves you enough. But these addictions can be a very nasty thing.

    Good luck :)

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  • Re the weed: ask him if he could get edible products rather than smoke.

    Re the smoking: it is a bitch to quit, this is a test for you, do you have the skill to help the guy, or are you going to walk away. If you have a hard time helping him with quitting smoking, you aren't going to be much of a partner to him when he runs into trouble.

    Quitting smoking requires huge motivation. Tell him no p**** if he smokes. That is some huge motivation.

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  • Smoking is okay (outdoors, not inside), but chewing is gross.

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  • You two live a different lifestyle. If you can't stand it, you should take a break to prove your message. If he still doesn't change, you got to move on.

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  • Maybe you're causing him stress and this is causing him to smoke again. Maybe he doesn't like telling you what to do?

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What Girls Said 2

  • i think you should give him an ultimatum. if that doesn't work then just move on

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    • that is the absolute worst advice you can give.

  • i don't think you can do anything he needs to stop smoling because he wants to not because you make him

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