"not looking for anything serious" before sex?

I dated a guy infrequently (saw him about once or twice a month) for a summer...I felt like we connected, but I was super confused as to why he hadn't even made a move to kiss me, let alone take me home.

Anyway, I go on vacation, don't see him for a month but keep in touch via email...when I return, we go for a drink (his suggestion), & after he suddenly gets really nervous & awkward & proclaims he doesn't want anything serious. I mean, jesus, we hadn't even kissed yet.

Fast forward 10 months, we're both dsting other people, but I need his help with work stuff...we get to chatting, he suggests we get a beer...so we're friends now. Except he asks way too much about my boyfriend (I told him a funny story about how he sometimes doesn't think & he straight up asked me if I was sure I was dating the right person), & won't talk about his girlfriend.

So what's going on here? I just assumed he wasn't all that into me last year, but I would love to date him still...if we were both single that is, hahah.

Updates:
I should mention we just didn't talk after he told me he wasn't looking for anything serious, & he told me that as we were saying our goodnights & unambiguously going different ways.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The way you describe the situation, He sounds like either a shy guy in general or a guy who just wasn't ready at the time for dating. You said you dated him, but you two had never kissed. Did you both ever talk about what your relationship together was? Did he know you were dating?

    I know when I'm hanging out with a girl I like, I get very shy and nervous and awkward and almost NEVER make a move to kiss the girl. It doesn't mean he doesn't like the girl, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the him. Some guys have that kinda personality and have a real hard time making a move until they know that the girl is actually romantically interested in them. All it takes from the girl in that situation is to (if they like the guy) help him out, take the pressure off and just kiss him yourself.

    Few to no guys like the idea that the girl is just sitting there waiting to be kissed, its 2013 I'm sure you've been told this, but if he doesn't make the move, then YOU make the move. It can be as simple as just reaching out and holding the guys hand to give him enough fire to go and kiss you and take you or whatever you like.

    TLDR: Next time this happens let him know you like him.

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    • Thanks, that was super encouraging. I really wanted to reassure myself that it was OK, he was just shy, but I've been conditioned to believe that if I have even the slightest doubt about him liking me, he's not into me hahah.

      I can also 100% see how I might have come off as uninterested...I was scared sh*tless around this guy and trying so hard to not eat sh*t that I think I fell into the same trap he did.

      And yeah we both knew we were dating but never really talked about it...

What Guys Said 1

  • It seems that he still wants to be with you, or he's jsut interested in you as a person.

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What Girls Said 1

  • either he is shy or he is not ready to date

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