Need help in understanding this

I have a friend who's 26, and could get any guy she wants. She has the whole world at her finger tips. Yet, her dating life is almost nonexistent. A similar girl I know is the same way. Beautiful! Smart...self reliant...has it all! Yet she pretty much stays away from the dating scene. I could be interested in girl 2...but not sure if I want to bother with a chick who might be waiting for MR. Perfect to walk up to her. I know some women who are now in their 50's and were very successful, and very hot..yet they were looking for a guy that only existed in their mind. They never married.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • With humbleness I can say I fit the criteria above. :)

    Here's my experience, all I personally need in a guy is someone I can have an intellectual conversation with, and be physically attracted to. Other people might have different priorities but it’s same concept. A friend of mine needs someone she can go party with every week (that’s her priority), others might want money or prestige….from my view those other things I can get for myself since as you say I’m smart and pretty.

    Since I know that I have "the world at my fingertips"as you said, I don't have to settle down for JUST ANYTHING. The pleasure I get from the attention that people give me is so rewarding that I need to have something that is more rewarding than that attention (which is a guy I’m really attracted to and I can have a convo with) . Being on dates with random people I just met is NOT rewarding, not fun. I need to be around the guy for a period of time until I’m attracted to his personality and his intellect even if we’re not talking yet, seeing him in his daily surrounding helps me get an idea about who he is, and physical attraction starts building up( that can only happen at school or at work =which limits my opportunity of meeting someone). Meeting someone at a club won’t do it, unless we really hit it off at first sight (very rare to happen) These things need time, and our life style doesnot give us that time. People who settle down just take any opportunity.

    Social factors: Social life is almost nonexistent in the US, for my purposes (being around someone for a while). One reason why the girl might not be involved.

    Personal factors: even though I’m socially outgoing, I’m shy on a personal level, you won’t know that until you get to know me, so when I like someone (which is once in a while I fail to show the person my attraction).

    So in short, we’re not looking for Mr right, we’re just looking for someone who will add value to our life. You might add value to our life, if you’re caring (truly love us), may be you’re funny and will mak us laugh, if you’re highly educated you might teach us stuff….all you need is one characteristic that will add that value to our life. Even if you don’t have anything at all, your genuine attention adds value to our life(which most guys don’t know)

    If you really like this girl, build a rapport with her and ask her out, because you might just be the guy who will add value to her life. These women who never got married, were never married because guys were intimidated by them and did not approach probably not because they didnot wanna be with the guys who did not approach them.

    this is a broad topic with many factors, I hope my humble reply helps.

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    • One more thing, to confirm my theory, look around you, and tell me how many people you know are with the people they're supposed to be with, and how many just settled down for anyone, and you can tell they deserve somebody different? in my surrounding, most people people settled down, and they're always pointing out how wrong their partner is, and wishing they can find someone different. When I am with someone I enjoy, I won't be looking around for other guys,cuz I got exactly what I wanted :)

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    • After the first date, my mom was not attracted to my dad. She just said, he talked a lot. Wasn't particularly interested either. Couple of months later, she sent him a Xmas card out of the blue. The rest is history, and they've been happily married 33 yrs. I have to have at least a little attraction at first..but eventually if you get to know the person, and like them, they become more attractive...even physically. Don't judge covers alone. Good luck to you as well. Thanks

    • Nice...! the first and only guy I've been in a relationship with, I absolutely hated him, then loved him, stayed with him for 3 yrs, it's ancient history now, he does not mean anything to me.

      I guess some of us fear unnecessary emotional damage too. loving some and being hurt is something that is worth invest in, but being with a different person everyday is not worth it. interesting discussion, wondering why few people only answered your question.

What Girls Said 2

  • maybe they just prefer to be alone.

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  • We wouldn't know the answer... it's all about what her mind is thinking.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Some girls don't understand the power of the 'P'.

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  • It's hard to find a complete package in women even more so, not use it to take advantage of men. It's either they are just too picky or real nice girls.

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