Is online dating only meant for 'losers'?

Ok, my story goes like this. I'm a 27 year old man, and I'm extremely shy when it comes to interacting with women. And there is no way I can ask a woman out directly, because of my shyness and also I can never be sure if she too feels the same way about me. And at 27, I'm feeling quite lonely without a partner, and I haven't really been in any proper relationship in my life at all. Hence, I'm considering the option of signing up on a dating site. I feel that the main advantage of dating sites is that the women there are always looking for something more than friendship, so I'll have a much better chance of finding someone and also avoid being 'friend zoned'. But I have heard a lot of negative things regarding dating sites. Firstly, most people say that only people who have failed to find a partner in real life, go for online dating as a last resort. In other words, they said dating sites are usually populated with social rejects whom no one in their right mind would want as a partner. The second thing I came to know is, the number of men on dating sites is usually 100 times the number of women, so unless a man is extremely good looking (or very attractive in some other way), he is unlikely to get any responses from women. Since most dating sites are paid (the free ones hardly have any members from my country, and I don't intend to date someone living too far away), I'd like to know some opinions here before making the move. Please help me out. Thank you.

P.S. I'm only looking for long term stuff, and not short term flings or one night stands.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, just look at the girls on online dating sites. It's not exactly the case that you're picking among the cream of the crop. You have to go through like 200 profiles before you find just one girl whose physical attractiveness is somewhat tolerable or acceptable.

    Online dating is generally for people who are still single for a good reason. That's the marketing challenge for online dating sites. It's a known and accepted reality that these sites are basically a collection of being who are unable to find a partner through the normal course of life or social experiences, and so they need this last resort safety net in an last resort effort to try and not live the rest of their lives alone.

    I don't mean to be difficult on girls. Guy on online dating sites are just as bad.

    So, automatically, right off the bat, you have this negative reasonable assumption that you have the burden of dispelling. Then, if a guy is actually attractive, girls are thinking, "what the hell is he doing on here?" Good looking guys on dating sites actually have it harder, because they have an uphill battle of proving that they're not just there looking for a one night stand or just sex with easy desperate women.

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    • Well...'attractiveness' is not an issue for me. I may not be equivalent to Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, but I certainly look above average, and many people have even told me I look kinda cute. The main problem is my shyness in approaching women. Also, I don't really have female friends or acquaintances to try, and I would obviously look like a creep if I just asked some random woman out.

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    • Thanks a lot for your input. Its much appreciated. But regarding sex, I have decided to abstain from sex until I get married. I certainly feel that sex is divine and the ultimate expression of love, so I can do that only with the woman I'm sure to spend the rest of my life with. My thinking might seem old fashioned, but I'm not ready to compromise on this one. If the woman wants to have sex, I'll ask her to marry me immediately and then have sex, and if she doesn't agree, she's out of my life.

    • hey, whatever floats your boat

Most Helpful Guy

  • Actually, I've had a female friend who is only 23 and also attractive find love through an online dating website almost 3 years ago, she's engaged now to that guy. Probably one of the most happiest relationships I've seen in a while. As far as the guy..i would say he's not a Channing Tatum or a Brad Pit..he's kinda low on the scale, but it was his personality that hooked her.

    . I also have another female friend who does a little modeling from time to time find a guy over the internet, I don't really think it was a online dating site though..but anyway they've been together for some years too. Moved somewhere close the ocean.

    Anywho..it's not just for "losers" I've known a few girls who are just tired of the guys in there area. They feel that they need a change and they just branch out. A good thing about the online dating..people seem to have more confidence..so you tend to show the real you. And as we know confidence is the key.

    I say go for it, I mean...even if it doesn't work out..you won't have any what if's. Just try...what else do you got to do?

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    • Thank you. You're right. Online dating is the only way I can even have a chance, because I'm way too shy to approach women in real life. Might as well try it before finally giving up on women and accepting a lifetime of loneliness.

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    • 0.1%? I've never thought to much of it..I don't really do anything...I just stay myself. I turn down most of the girls that try to get with me, because I'm just not interested in a lot of little flings. Just surround yourself with positive people, work on enjoying life..and the good things will follow. When I go out with friends picking up chicks is not at the top of my list..but we do. People love to have a good time...if you seem like a fun person they will be all over you. And the good

    • thing about roaming in groups it kinda hides your shyness. lol. It's much easier to talk to a couple of girls when you are with your mates.

What Girls Said 2

  • N it's not for losers. It's 2013. Everybody does it. Think of it this way, you get to pick and choose what you want because your not going out with someone you know little or nothing about. If you talk to her beforehand to, then you may be even less shy when you meet. I think I'm gonna try it soon too! Good luck!

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  • Sorry I didn't read the whole thing but I have been doing online dating since college ended and I'm 24 now. I work with all women and really have no way of meeting guys so I joined some of those sites. I have been on many dates this year but have no luck with them. I respond to guys who are no so good looking but many time ill give them a chance if they ask me out but say no to a second date if I really did not find them attractive.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I've seen practically every type of personality represented in the women on online dating sites. That means that there is no one type (specifically social rejects) who join them. I think what they have in common is that they don't have many opportunities to meet others. That is practically universal in some places. As for the relative count of male vs. female, I doubt that guys spend much time viewing profiles from guys to know if that rumor could be true (which I seriously doubt). I would put aside all of the comments you're hearing. They sound like excuses for why they didn't get anywhere.

    The paid sites are not so expensive for a couple of months. It's worth trying if the alternative is to do nothing. I recommend that you put some real thought and effort into it and make yourself stand out in an honest way. Girls seem to be inundated with guys looking for sex. You have a major advantage over them from the start.

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  • Honestly I have nothing against it and it works occasionally. What I find is that girls are flooded with messages from the overwhelming guy population. Messaging a girl first is somewhat hard for this reason because they expect you to capture their interest with the few bit of lines that they have wrote. I think it gives hope to some guys but honestly getting girls to message back is quite challenging at times.

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  • Not at all...

    For working professionals such as myself, whose time and exposure to the opposite gender is limited, online dating makes perfect sense...

    But online dating is incredibly difficult if you're a man - I'll warn you of that.

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  • In my experience online dating is almost completely useless for men, unless they are very attractive, in which case they wouldn't need online dating anyway. This might vary a bit by location and age though. You may as well just try it and find out, its not like you'll lose anything. Just don't expect too much.

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    • Alright, I'll give it a try. I don't mind losing a few bucks. I'll consider it my last attempt at finding a partner, before finally giving up on women and accepting a lifetime of loneliness.

  • be prepared to do a lot of work

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  • being a guy, your gonna have to make yourself stand out way more than girls do when it comes to online dating unfortuneately

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  • I'm going to be honest here. Yes.

    And what you've heard about online dating is mostly true.

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  • I think that would've been the case 15 years ago, but in 2013, online dating is pretty mainstream.

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    • Hmmm.is that so? Then I'll surely try it out. I have nothing to lose, except a few bucks if I end up getting no responses.

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    • Well, while you're being anonymous there's no harm in mentioning your country. I don't plan to hurl insults and I doubt anyone else is even reading this. But it may help me adjust my advice.

    • Ok then, I'm from India. Every time I mention, it, these 'elite' Americans say stuff like 'Eww, Indians smell like curry', 'Indian men are so dark and ugly, 'Even Indian women don't want ugly Indian men, they prefer white men' etc. As for me, I maintain excellent hygiene, and I'm not really dark or ugly. And considering the way I speak English (although its not my native language), do you get the impression that I'm from an underdeveloped third world country? I don't think so.

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