Why do girls complain about how bad men are?

I consider myself a very nice, sweet, and caring guy. However I'm a virgin, never kissed or been in a relationship. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs. I also am not bad looking either (not to sound cocky) I'm currently in the military and taking college courses. However every girl I talk to friend zones me hard. Anyway point being... successful, kind, caring guys like myself never seem to spark the interest of women.

Women never want to get to know the guy well before dating. They just let a guy sweet talk them for about a week and bam they are dating. Low and behold... his true colors show after they get to know each other but by that time it's too late and she ends up crying and hurt and complains about how bad men are... even though she blew off the nice guy beforehand.

This magical "grace period" of making a move on a girl is just nonsense to me and illogical. If a guy is very kind, caring, trustworthy and loyal and you are GREAT friends then there is no real reason NOT to date in my opinion. I also hate the excuse "I don't wanna ruin our friendship by dating." How is that ruining it? It's the same thing as being friends only with more kissing and cuddling. A statement like that is basically implying that you don't trust the guy and he's prone to hurting you.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It is bizarre that none of them except your advances. I'm willing to bet there is some signal you're giving off that makes them feel you are more a friend than boyfriend material. All women ARE different, the only thing the same in every single meeting is YOU. So, I would seriously take the time to listen to what these girls say. My fiance' never tried to be my friend. He made it quite clear from the moment we met that if he was interested in me, it would be in a romantic or physical way. Women can pick up on that really quick and his interest made ME more interested and attracted to him, instantly. I wouldn't say to quit being nice, just work on being more straight forward with your intentions. You can be honest, confident and show some of your masculinity/sexiness without being a jerk.

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What Girls Said 14

  • so...you don't want your gender to be generalized because some guys are nice,some aren't-but,all women are the same? good lord,do you people even listen to yourselves? shut.the.f***.up. about what all women do and what all women want-not all women are the same. you don't know even 1% of women on this planet and you've decided you know us. frankly-i wouldn't date you simply based on the fact that all you can say about your personality is ''nice and caring'' and the fact that you generalize women and you think that you deserve a woman for doing things that are expected of everyone.

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    • I never said ALL women, if I did then please copy and paste it or screenshot it for me... thank you. I'm only talking about the ones that I've talked to.

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    • I don't see "all women" anywhere in that sentence but thank you for your feedback. However EVERY woman that I've talked to has behaved in accordance to that statement and many even said things like "Maybe if you asked me earlier but I like having you as a friend more" Hell I'll even copy/paste part of a message I got from a girl right here on GAG.

      From: SammiKitten

      Date: 7/27/2013 7:29 PM

      Can I offer you some advice. You need to make your intentions of interests known early. You sound like a

    • when you say ''women'' it means you're referring to the gender as a whole. if a girl rejects you,just move on. some girls prefer being friends first-some don't. both have a point. relationships end-friendships are more permanent. but being friends first means you know each other well. approach them from a neutral standpoint-be friendly,but flirty.

  • Maybe she doesn't want the military lifestyle. Maybe she sees that you're not compatible in some way. My best guy friend is sweet and caring but we still work much better as friends than we would in a relationship. He thinks so too.

    Maybe she found some deal breaker with you and doesn't want to date because of that. Maybe you're not even genuinely nice, and you just do favors for her so she'll want to date. Hey, that's how many "nice guys" are these days.

    Anyways, I don't know where guys get the idea that we reject them because they're nice. Who doesn't love nice people? Girls reject guys for some other reason. Guys just don't want to admit there's anything wrong with them, so they use the cop out "Ugh nice guys finish last."

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    • I can understand where you are coming from but that's not a very fair assumption at all. She tells me all the time that I am extremely sweet and that she really likes me... she just doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and literally told me she doesn't know why.

  • my large answer got deleted...

    ima give you a outline and if you wana know details message me or maybe we can chat

    Parents tell us men are bad

    We c our friends in bad relationships

    we hear and see boys talking about us and laughing at us

    we see how men talk about us in television

    So of course we complain and a lot of people are actually too immature and do not know how to date so you have to put that into the equation as well. And people date for money, looks and all the wrong reasons

    We do want to get to know the nice guy, we just want him to be hot as well. bad thing is that most hot guys know their hot and use it to act nice and screw women and dog them but for some weird reason women keep trying to change men which is not smart

    Women are just as bad a men sometimes so a lot of nice men turn bad.

    If you date a friend and you break up on a bad note, that kills the friendship and they become enemies so people will try to avoid that and some use it as an excuse to not date a friend, rather than saying I don't like you. they don't wana hurt your feelings.

    So in your mind mix all that in a large bag how many times do you think you can find a good match between a good man and a good woman? not many are left because most people, men and women play games and the good ones get the short end of the stick if they are already not damaged

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  • I agree! magical grace period my ass! Woman have a tendency of going for men they think they deserve, so I don't think its got much to do with the approach you're using.. They probably feel they don't deserve u. Keep spilling your heart out to them, if you wanna be more than a friend make that clear to them, if they then feel your honesty has affected the friendship, then there probably wsnt much there to begin with.

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  • @Women never want to get to know the guy well before dating.

    i dio. I prefer to get to know someone as friends, before getting involved.

    and I don't care about how someone approaches. imo the best approach is me approaching the guy, with the guy not playing games or being an a**hole about it.

    "I don't wanna ruin our friendship by dating."

    i wouldn't say that because I think a friendship is essential for a relationship. both women and men say things like that. I think its bs. is usually a game just to see how much you like them. or a cowards way of saying not interested.

    A statement like that is basically implying that you don't trust the guy and he's prone to hurting you.

    i don't think so. I thin it implies you're playing games and or are not interested.

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  • You just have to find the right women to talk to. You're obviously perusing girls, not women. It'll take time but you must have patience to find love in today's society. Trust me its the hardest thing but you must have faith you'll find the right women not dumb enough to let you slide. Hope you find her soon, good luck out there!

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  • if you don't know by now, you can't be helped. I'm not going to even start just listen to the other girls

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    • Umm... thanks?

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    • ok I just wrote everything and I guess I took too long typing the it erased everything! ugh look dude id be glad to give you my number and tell you the answer.im sorry if you have yahoo I can chat with you or something. I'm sorry

    • ok now look. its an outline to the 1st book I wrote lol any more questions just ask me and Ill answer

  • There are bad sheeps in both gender and we all have met some in our life journey.

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  • Don't generalize

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  • To me it sounds like the girls who do that are immature. Yes, dating someone could ruin a potential friendship, but it could also create a permanent relationship.

    You sound like a great guy! Sounds to me like you haven't met the right girl yet. Plus being a military girlfriend is tough. There is so much stress and distance that many relationships do not work out in the military. I dated a guy who was in the military. I was really good to him and faithful, but I didn't do it for him. For some reason he wasn't really attracted to me after a while and saw us as just friends. But when we would talk, he would tell me that a lot of other guys that he talked to at work wished they had a girlfriend like me because I didn't cheat and treated them well.

    The reason it's so hard to find someone decent, is because if it were easy, we wouldn't appreciate them as much. They are special for a reason. Keep being nice, keep being a decent person, but also explore different interests. Get out as much as possible and do new things. Be social, and meet new people as well. This will help you expand your dating pool.

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  • Because some men really are bad. And don't generalize women ever again. You look foolish.

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  • maybe girls are intimidated by you (overwhelmed with your kindness, career, and looks) and friend zone you because they wanna beat you to the punch? I don't know that's the only thing that kinda makes sense.

    i mean you sound like you're kinda perfect (just assuming) and if I was in the position of being with a perfect guy…i'd be a bit scared. And I (personally) tend to quickly friend zone cute guys in my head so I don't get nervous around them

    bu yeah, I have no idea why that happens but I'd pick a good guy over a jackass any day

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  • um cause some men really suck!

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  • You don't represent the majority of men. You are an individual.

    You are not any nicer of a person because you don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. Someone who smokes, drinks, or does recreational drugs is not automatically a meaner guy than you are.

    You might consider yourself nice, sweet, and caring but that doesn't mean others agree. I don't mean to say that you aren't nice, sweet or caring but that is for other people to judge. There aren't a lot of people who will say they are mean, nasty and inconsiderate - even those who are.

    Being nice, sweet, and caring will not make anyone sexually attracted to you. My p**** has never gotten wet because a guy was simply nice. Those are positive traits to have, but they cannot be the major points you rely on to attract women. They are good qualities for a FRIEND to have, but for us to want to date you, we have to want to sleep with you first.

    Your problem is that you just don't understand women and what we want. You think that non sexual traits that we would want in a friend are what is supposed to make us hot and bothered. You don't seem to acknowledge women as sexual beings that are looking for a sexy man to have sex with.

    There is no magical grace period of making a move on a girl. You could make a move on a women within literally an hour of meeting her and get farther with her than the guy who sits around waiting for weeks, months, years, etc. until the girl acknowledges that he is interested in her and makes a move on HIM.

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    • I never said I was nice BECAUSE of those things... I was just briefly describing myself. I say I'm nice because I know I am and people (including girls) tell me all the time that I'm very sweet. As far as the sexual thing goes... most girls I meet act almost afraid of it. So it's extremely difficult to judge when and when not to behave sexually toward a woman without her evading it. As far as dating... sex is a great part of it but I seriously didn't figure it was the single most important thing

What Guys Said 9

  • It's not because your "successful, kind, and caring" that you don't get the girl, rather it's because you don't bring out any emotions. You're safe and boring. You make her feel like a normal girl when all she really wants is to feel like she is something special. In the end that's what most women want. She is special and you better make dam sure she knows it... that means intimacy.

    You can't treat her like you would any other girl.

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    • This guy gets it.

    • Ummm no? I drew 2 portraits of her, told her how special she was to me and why very frequently and we had plans of me flying 8000 miles to go see her. If that's not "better than a normal girl" then I don't know what is.

    • You're right, you don't know what is... Sorry m8 but you're clueless. Words are wind.

  • Hahah I love this. You are spot on with this most girls do this. They say they like nice guys but they never give them a chance to prove themselves. Most girls go strait for the bad guy and end up getting hurt feelings. When that happens I just think too bad you knew it was going to happen and you went out with him anyway, don't come crying to me. If you reject me and look past me like that and go date a jerk I am not going to pick you up when you get treated badly. I am a nice sweet caring guy and it gets you no where. So many girls even treat the guys that are nice, kind and caring like they are scum. Many even look at random nice guys in public and give them random frowns and scowls when they have done nothing to the girl and there is no excuse for it. Them doing that to the nice guys is just immature and pathetic. No wonder nice guys feel they have to turn into a jerk to get a girl. The very guys most girls "say" get treated like scum. I know I have been treated like that and how is that fair?

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  • There's no grace period on making a move. If you get shot down at 15 minutes, you probably would be shot down at 5 years.

    "I don't wanna ruin our friendship' = I'm not very attracted to you, hence an awkward and short lived relationship is a bad tradeoff for you being a lapdog friend.

    Not drinking or smoking or doing drugs (I only did one of the three) hurts you. The girls who like those traits also don't like actually dating much, as a group. There are wild sex crazed straight edge girls, but generally the girls who would jump you for your body also like to party and like guys who like to party at LEAST as much as they do.

    Since you know girls like to be sweet talked and bam, date, why not try doing that, and then surprise the girl by not turning into an a**hole.

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  • HaHa your a 22 year old virgin dang cause usually women throw thems self at guys who are doing something with there lifes. Maybe you are just talking to the wrong women or either you have no game

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  • Hard to believe you have never been in a relationship, well if it makes you feel better I haven't either, and plus since you are in the military, I would imagine or think girls would be more attracted to you, since it's a pretty well known fact that girls are attracted to military guys

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  • "I don't want to ruin our friendship by dating" means - "I don't want to date you". You need to understand the girl code words.

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  • Girls complain about how bad men are so that they don't have to deal with how bad they are themselves.

    Don't let it get to you.

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  • Mostly likely is some girls just feel insecure.

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  • I'm in the same boat. 24, never had a girlfriend, never kissed or even held hands, never been in a real relationship, yet so many girls have told me that I'm a nice guy even as they friend zone me, and I don't think it's bs just to be nice, because I know I'm a nice guy, I'm an old fashioned gentleman who likes romance and is saving himself for marriage. Yet, so many girls say that there are no nice guys. The truth is, many of them are looking for some trait that true nice guys don't pocess, and they need to give up on that. They are looking for love in all the wrong places. So often it's right in front of their noses and they can't see it because of preconceptions.

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