Ladies, would you respond to this message?

So I'm on a few dating sites, I notice no matter how kind, involved, and relevant my first messages are, I don't get responses. So here's the basic general layout of how I like to go about this:

"Hi there, I noticed you like (blank). That's cool, I'm into (blank) too. (if applicable, I ask what they like about it) My name is (blank) I'm a photographer/graphic designer/artist. I've read through your profile and I think you seem real nice, I believe I could get along with you just fine. (-and if I'm curious, I'll add this) So, what are you looking for?"

This usually gets no response. I'm lucky if I get one response out of 20 tries. -and even then, it's a couple of words barely addressing whatever I said. Why?

What does it, in your opinion, inevitably come down to when deciding to whether or not to respond to a message like this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It just seems copied and pasted. Except for the part showing you DID go on her profile, so bravo on that part. I used to have an account a while ago and I found that I liked and responded to witty/funny messages. Deep messages were nice too (like asking a deep question related to something on your profile. It showed they were really interested in YOUR point of view). My headline was some quote I liked at the time and I liked when guys would message questioning the quote, which gave me a kind of challenge to explain it to them which meant I HAD to respond hahah. I think the headline was this quote:

    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

    I remember this one guy messaging and linking to a YouTube video of some cartoon guy doing a hilarious dance in the rain LOL. It gave me a really good laugh AND was related to my profile.

    Just stay simple with messages! Don't go all out with a paragraph, hun. Just keep it simple and light and the girl will know you're cool AND real :)

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    • Alright. "Seems" copy pasted. Even though completely true and honest. Oh well. Though I just run into people who don't answer because a message is too short. -and it's obvious no one wants to answer something that's too long, then you have your content. My content is precise but seems too copy and paste. Okay then. I have a large vocabulary, might as well use it to my advantage. It just gets to the point where I've tried so many times I get frustrated to the point I don't even notice my effort.

    • Sorry you feel that way, hun. Just keep it short and funny! Not just a "hi" either. Here, I'll give random examples. If in one of her pictures she's wearing a nice necklace, say something like "nice necklace! What does that symbol stand for?" If she's wearing neat glasses, be like "cool glasses! Are they burberry? " questions like that, relating to HER, are really gonna catch her attention :) if you wanna make her laugh, just relate it to her profile somehow (make sure its not insulting tho!)

What Girls Said 9

  • The one thing that stands out to me about the blurb you've written is that there's no real conversation-starting material here. "I see you like movies, I also like movies" is not a terribly interesting way to open up a conversation, sorry to say. It doesn't tell me that much about you and sort of comes off like you have pretty underdeveloped writing and conversation skills. You might want to be more in-depth - say you notice they list a couple of science-fiction movies as favorites in their profile - then it would be appropriate to ask if they saw the movie "Blade Runner", because you liked it so much/your friends have raved about it/it's a classic/etc.

    Ask questions about things you don't know. Provide details about yourself so they have the opportunity to get to know you and determine if you're interesting/a good match.

    For example, "I see you went to Florida State University, are you from the area originally? My grandparents live near there, so I've been down that way a lot. While I love the seafood, I prefer my weather on the cooler side."

    Now, our hypothetical person can consider whether or not they actually liked the movie "Blade Runner", tell you that they're actually from Michigan but had always dreamed of moving to Florida, and are also really into seafood. Easy conversation topics!

    I used an online dating site for a while back in the day, and I did have some good conversations with a number of people (and a couple of dates in person resulting from that) - but it's a lot easier to get to that point when your initial message provides one half of that conversation.

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    • I've dumbed it down so you got the general idea of the way I like to go (I guess you took it at face value). I know saying something as simple as "I noticed you like music, me too" is pretty generic, but right for purposes of abbreviating for THIS site.

      Now here's a question for you. Is this the method for which you use to engage others or the way others engaged you and then you answered?

      As for your

    • Sorry if I was wrong to judge your writing as-is - it's kind of hard to go about it any other way. In the future, when asking for feedback, try to provide a sample of what you'd actually write in a real message.

      To answer your question, what I've outlined is more or less a description of the type of stuff that would be present in my inbox and draw a response from me. The conversational tone of the message goes a long way in making me feel like it's someone who cares about who they date.

  • I've been on dating sites as well and I got that kind of messages from guys everyday. When I wake up in the morning and check my messages, there are at least one message like that.

    There's nothing in it that makes me think "oh here's a guy I might like", nothing that makes you stand out from the crowd. Writing "I noticed you like..." is a good thing, since it shows that you HAVE been to our profile and have made the effort to personalize your seemingly copy-pasted message. But the rest of it, as I said, seems like a copy-pasted message to me.

    I tend to reply to messages that are not too long (your length is fine), and are original or show that you are an interesting person. Instead of saying "I'm into ... too.", you can ask specific questions about that common interest. For example: if you both like photography, ask which camera she likes to use, what are her favorite objects to shoot, lenses, etc. It would show that you are indeed into that stuff as well and not just using the interest things as a line.

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  • Honestly.. For me..

    You are talking to a girl, through a website... and you say...

    "I'm a photographer"

    That will be a red flag for a lot of girls...

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  • I don't think there's anything wrong with your message.I will reply yours if I were them although I have never used any dating sites.I will feel flattered if people read through my profile since I read through the profiles of people I'm interested to get to know.I think people who read profiles are sincere,interested and prudent at the same time.Anyway,I don't believe in using the dating sites to find our soul mate.Good luck!

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    • ''What are you looking for?'' is a good question to add in your message.

      It sounds fishy to me if they cannot answer what they are LOOKING FOR.In that case,you should feel lucky that they never responded.Why want to date people who don't know what they are looking for,right?

  • cause you talk about your self like your not cool and not attractive

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  • hmm I don't think so I wouldn't reply sorry, but try to change it and put something intrest..

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  • Just meet girls in person online dating sucks.

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  • Not being rude here, but that's boring that's why...experience telling you here :) my best friend and I were both on dating sites and I got way more hits than her cos of what I wrote. Be like hey (mentionsmething from their profile) eg. Hey, so I read you're a night owl, I'm a bit of a vampire myself (enter smiley face) then add either add check put my profile, if you like what you read message back or better say something like so I'm gonna be all mysterious and fly off into the night enter smiley face and leave it...dont leave your name...thats for next convo if theyre interested

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    • you realize you wrote exactly what I wrote... .right?

    • Essentially we did but mine has more punch and on yours you give away too much information.so someone might not get curious to question you. I think yours sounds too formal. Try a variation of what I wrote and see what happens :)

  • Why not try dating in person. Online dating should only be about 10% of your dating anyways. You'll get much better results approaching women in person.

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What Guys Said 2

  • The problem is as you said its too structured and too generic, and it looks like something you would send to 50 different girls. And women know this.

    Also, it could be your profile itself that makes her not want to respond.

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  • I did that for a while and I always had a lot of succes with stuff like: "Hey, cookies with or without chocolate?" , or "Hey, do you like tiramisu?"

    It is something odd, and people are bound to respond. Let me know how that works for you. Because right now your messages are too generic, and put too much weight on the girl to carry the conversation.

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