How do you feel knowing your dating success relies on your looks? (Girls)

Of course, to some degree men are affected by this too, but not nearly as much as women. There are hoards of aesthetically ugly men who have beautiful women because you guys value confidence, personality, humor, status, wealth, etc.

Of course we men care about personality to some degree as well, but deep down we mostly care about looks FIRST, and the other stuff second.

I see lots of guys here pissed that you'll see a guy with a nice car and be attracted to him, because it shows he has stability and wealth. They think it's unfair, and I agree with both sides in that regard.

So I was curious to your take on the other side of the coin. How do you feel knowing your dating success relies heavily on how good you look?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • that's something that's bothered me a lot in the past. I don't want someone to date me because I look good on his arm. that's why I extensively screened the people I dated. I never said yes to dates from people at the gym or random guys on campus. I have only ever dated people I considered good friends first. I figure that gets rid of all the people who just wanna get laid quickly- and that's certainly proven to be true. the small number of guys I have seriously dated have been amazing men. people who'll change the world. these guys...well, they aren't typical. I truly do not believe that they find the physical aspect to be more important, or primary, to everything else. it's very easy to discern the guys who are only in for the looks, for the ones who are more mature and looking for substance.

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    • Trust me, I don't care who those guys are. If you were 400lbs your personality wouldn't have mattered much. It's good that you don't give guys who approach you the chance. Mostly they are thinking with their d***s. More daughters should be raised like you.

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    • Hope to God I don't have any! I'm sure there will be a day she'd be some teenie boy's play toy and I can't live with that lmao.

    • interesting tactic. Thing is most guys fear being put in that friend zone, as they usually believe that once you're there, you can't get out. That usually is the case honestly, but not always

What Girls Said 11

  • I don't mind. It's natural for guys to want an attractive mate just like it's natural for girls to want a confident, financially stable mate. The only time it bothers me is when a guy marries a girl solely based on her appearance (and divorces her if she loses her figure). But that has more to do with the marriage thing than anything else.

    Anyways, physical attraction is a fairly low bar to meet, anyways, so it's not a huge deal. I don't have great genetics but if I put some effort in my hair, makeup, and outfit, I'm a solid 7 on the scale.

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  • I don't really care. That's life. Nobody is going to change it, so you might as well just learn to accept it, cope, and deal with it.

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    • That's a great attitude to have. More men should adopt this for what we have to deal with as well.

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    • Yeah, if a lot of men had your attitude, this site would be a lot better. Too many guys who have zero idea running around complaining that girls don't want them because they are too ugly.

    • If they'd spend all that zeal and energy at the gym, or in school, or at work, or with friends and socializing more, then maybe they would actually be more successful with girls and not have anything to complain about anymore lol

  • It can be really depressing and stressful. I mean for me personally its been that way because When I'm interested in a guy I'm not interested in others, and if feelings weren't shared its hard not to feel inadequate. Then I'd stress over the flaws I see in myself etc...

    I'm sure everyone understands, not just women, no one wants to feel like they aren't good enough.

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  • I really don't care. But in all honesty most women care about looks too. That's a human trait, not just a male one. Plenty of women don't date guys they're not initially attracted to and there's nothing wrong with that.I take pride in my appearance not necessarily for men but for myself as well, I like to be put together and look nice.

    But I don't think it's something to be angry about. It's just life. It happens all the time in nature, a lot of other animals attract mates with looks so it's not "abnormal" fot humans to do this as well. Personally I think it's a subconcious thing. Looks are what initially attract people, personality is just what makes them STAY in that relationship (generally speaking). So, to answer your queation, it doesn't bother me.

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  • I don't feel good about it but I know we can't change human natural attraction.One thing I afraid of is will they still stay with us in case one day our look fade away.I have dated both attractive and unattractive guys but I would say most of them either average or below average.This is what my friends told me and they used to comment on how those guys weren't in the same league.I didn't care much because I will date anyone I FIND attractive.

    I have been approached on dating site and real life.First comment they give me is usually something like "hey you are damn cute" May I know your name? Can we have a date? Its funny how they thought those words will impress me but unfortunately they actually upset me! Its very easy to spot the person whether they sincerely like us for our look or not.For females try to date with them without make up on and see how is their expression.I believe something will happen.Either he will stay or try to avoid you the next day.I tried this few times and the result was very surprising! I am not sure if I should laugh or cry haha!

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    • "I tried this few times and the result was very surprising! I am not sure if I should laugh or cry haha!"

      Lmao! That is too funny. Please do share that story. By the way, I won't say who I am, but I was one of the guys that hit on you on here XD. I totally thought complimenting your looks was a hit, lmao. :D

      As for you dating not so good looking guys, this is what I was trying to tell the guy below. Guys can be attractive because of the way they carry themselves. Not just physical appearance

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    • Nope, but since you were cool enough to play along I'll give you a hint. We talked shortly, so maybe you won't remember, but anywho, I was busted saying the same ish twice to you using my excuse to say "hello" -__-

    • Oh damn I almost get it right at first but then I wasn't sure 100% if it was you.

      link :)

  • If a guy is looking for something serious I doubt he'll choose a girl solely based on looks. Looks will attract him first but if her personality isn't so great and they don't share similar values he'll be out the door. Tgis isn't me referring to all males just the ones I know.

    But yes, generally its sad and can be quite upsetting.

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    • When a woman is attractive, men rationalize why they like them for other reasons.

      Her jokes are funnier, her stories are more interesting, she is more adventurous when she has a nice set of boobs, slim waist, and long pretty hair.

      Unfortunately, the women who aren't very attractive have outstanding personalities and talents but aren't given the same credit as the former.

    • You're right! But it depends on the guys and their age. I'm 28 and have had only two boyfriends my entire dating life. At 18/19 I went out with a guy cos of peer pressure and need to conform. He was only interested in me cos of boobs that's it. Thankfully I never got physical with him. But that taught me a lesson and I didn't date til 25 cos I was looking for something serious. My culture makes it easier for me to find like minded guys. And there's a line between guys who want serious and guys

    • ...guys who aren't ready yet. Unfortunately there is a massive difference between how different cultures treat women. I'm Indian, my friend who is dutch also tells me the same is true of her culture and my Chinese friend. I think certain cultures put more emphasis on beauty over anything else.

  • It's actually quite depressing!

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    • I find that surprising for you to say as you're pretty cute. Unless you're batting for 9s or 10s I don't see you having issues in dating.

  • "There are hoards of aesthetically ugly men who have beautiful women because you guys value confidence, personality, humor, status, wealth, etc."

    Show me.

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  • How do you feel knowing your dating success relies on your money? (Boys)

    And you've posted this before.

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    • And also hook up success for guys relies heavily on looks. Hook up success for girls relies on the fact that she's a girl

  • It's depressing and awfully discouraging. We beat ourselves up to look a certain way and we're never good enough for most. It sucks.

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  • I think it proves that men like you (not all men) are the more emotional, impulisive and least developed gender, you're incapable of picking a mate based on anything but the most fleeting and ultimately least substantial of things

    Women, we think about whether a guy will be a good provider, stable, smart, those things matter to us, which is logical and wise when finding the person to spend the rest of your life with. but you just chase a nice booty, which makes no sense at all for the long haul. and it makes it easy for us, we don't have to get a degree or have a good job, or actually achieve anything with our lives, we just have to watch what we eat and wear a form fitting dress...that's how stupid and easy men like you are.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It must suck, but honestly I think its fair. When I'm out and about, I try to look my best also, because it helps with relations. There are some GaG guys out there who literally want to do the bare minimum, and expect to get the girl of their dreams for doing nothing. Some of them literally go livid when girls say they rather a guy approach them, as evidenced in my recent question

    link

    Some of these guys are perfectly fine hoarding all of their own rights to personal choice when it comes to dating, but they want to clamp down on what girls want in order to suit themselves. Guys clearly care about looks more than women. If it were the other way around, you would see a lot more guys being sexualized in the media than women are...but as it stands, women seem to be the crowd favorite where sexualization is concerned. So when I hear this line from any guy on GaG "I'm ugly, girls only want models" I dismiss them immediately. To me, it makes sense that a girl would want a guy who's financially stable (not necessarily rich mind you, just stable). So going back to what I said in my first sentence...the reason why I think its fair that some guys judge women by looks first is because some girls will judge guys by superficial things like having a vehicle. Both sides have an unfair practice. Sounds fair. Women should not be forced by guys to look at other things when you and I both know full well that many guys still value looks beyond reason

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    • Women are sexualised more because men have higher sex drives, not because men care more about looks.

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    • So at the end of the day, you are free to believe what you want to believe. While you sit around thinking that your looks are holding you back, average looking guys who are confident about how they look (like me) will continue getting dates as easy as making breakfast, lunch and dinner. Good day to you.

    • Change the goalposts, back out, act superior, whatever.

      Also for the record you are wrong. I have had girlfriends before. I will have more in the future. Whether I think looks are all that women are attracted by doesn't matter, since women don't care about that, only looks.

  • Women care more about looks than men, they are just less honest about it.

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    • You're out of your mind. Women don't care NEARLY as much about looks as men do.

      That's just a cop-out for guys who lack confidence, status, wealth, humor and social skills.

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    • I actually agree with just about everything you said. Especially your joke anecdote. I also believe those behaviors do mostly come from looks. During childhood, they are praised and constantly told they are adorable, will grow up to be a ladiesman, etc. This positive reinforcement can continue from 3-17 where they already have it in their mind they are valuable.

      Albeit, if those traits are AUTHENTICALLY displayed by even a decent looking man, he will be perceived as "sexy" or attractive.

    • But I agree with you in the sense that it's far more difficult to obtain. I think the guys that are not so good looking, but attain those behaviors, I think they're ridiculously delusional enough to believe they're the sh*t, basically.

  • First of all, speak for yourself. If you just want to get laid, of course you'll just care about looks. But I have no interest whatsoever in trying a relationship with a bimbo that's a negative at everything except looks. Second, the truth is they either accept how important looks are, and adapt to it or delude themselves that their special spirit is attracting the guys (usually bimbos with the mind of a 5 year old need to do this).

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    • I expected some GAG nerd to come in here and say something like this. The majority of the male population doesn't think like you. GAG population doesn't even closely represent the male population, as there are a lot of mentally hurt guys who lost their confidence in dating.

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    • I like (laugh at) how you spout some nonsense opinions like they were proven facts. Enjoy feeling sorry for yourself. That and a buck 50 will get you a coke.

    • I've f***ed over 20 women, gorgeous women, naughty women in very naughty ways. I'll also be a great family man with a great wife. Shit, I hope I keep feeling sorry for myself.

  • I think you're forgetting the class of women who mostly just care about sex, and are sexually open and honest with themselves. Those girls don't really place too much value on a guy's status or wealth, but do place a high value on how equally sexually confident, open, honest, uninhibited, and horny a guy is, and how hot a guy is, how sexy he looks and behaves, and how good he's likely to be sexually. For girls like this, a man's looks pretty much account for 90% of her decision regarding whether she accepts him or rejects him.

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    • ah! sorry, I didn't mean to downvote you- maybe someone will upvote you to cancel mine's out. anyways, I just wanted to comment that I think the same goes for men looking for a purely sexual encounter. attraction is the be all end all, right?

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    • @ QA, I don't know man. I don't really consider myself to be the luckiest person alive, but 3 out of 5 girls that I interact with are DTF so long as the guy is hot. The ones that are DTF aren't the ones that are psychologically impaired, it's the ones that consciously deny their sexuality that have issues. Sure, girls want a relationship too, but it's not like they're having sex only because they hope that it'll get them a relationship. They have sex because they want to have sex.

    • @ QA, totally hear you out on that one man. Those mannerisms and behavioral cues provide a decent proxy of a man's internal psychological workings. The only point I was trying to make is that those things are all sex-focused, and very far apart from the guy's core personality and character, his wealth, and his social status. There are girls who just want sex, but guys who aren't that attractive have likely not really run into them in that way.

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