Is there any hope for me?

I'm 23 never been kissed.

Somethings about me:

I'm average looking and a 10-15 lbs overweight looking.

I'm active and go to the gym but I have a medical condition so I'm always going to be above average and I can accept that.

I'm an outgoing person in general and with my friends, I'm loyal, funny and caring and sweet.

I tried so hard throughout college to get dates, I joined a lot student groups and other extra curricular stuff and the most I ever did was make guy friends and now at least I can make guy friends more easily and don't turn super red talking to any guy.

I tried online dating. Didn't have a picture up and msged guys I wanted to talk to. 70% or more stop replying to me after I sent them a few pics but a few other guys kept talking to me. Over the course of a year because I created an account last year on pof too. I had about 4 dates all first dates with different guys. 2 of them were jerks though a lot. And now I'm talking to a few guys via text and most of them eventually stop talking or put no effort in. They will text but then not know how to continue a proper convo. Like yesterday I talked to this guy on the phone who was long distance but back home in my city for a while but studies somewhere else. He called me after I asked him if he wanted to talk he would text and I figured maybe he doesn't like texting but he does text me first. Anyways after 10 min of talking to him and his phone has a bad connection he hung up. Then I texted him and he said he wanted to talk on text/a message app. I did and he asked what I was looking for and I said dating and he said he was looking for "whatever the hell happens really".

After that he never replied and even though I asked him if he was looking for something pretty casual. I thought it was pretty rude he just stopped replying so I told him to delete my number. The next morning he says No he's not looking for that and he fell asleep because he had work the next morning. Anyway, he seems flakey so enough with that and these other online dating guys. I deleted the rest of them that were being weird.

I've tried to look pretty and get noticed and get asked out by decent guys or even lowered my standards to ANY GUY.

A guy friend I made online from last year who claims he's a life coach and he knows all my problems and how I suck at dating because I've ranted to him a lot.

I told him I've read a book, YouTubed all that to figure out how to date and I can't get dates. Get rejected when I approach in real life and then in online once they meet me they are super jerks and have no interest.

He told me maybe the reason I don't get dates is because I need to update my look. I sent him a recent picture which was for my linkedin profile lol And he said I look like plane jane. Which is really weird because I'm wearing foundation, powder, blush and mascara and clearly lipstick in the picture. He said my hair looks plain, but its just normal and straightened. I don't know what to do!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of guys on online dating send out messages to 20 or more girls, hoping to get a couple back. So when they are talking to you, they are likely talking to several girls. At that point they aren't really into you yet. If another girl shows more interest you will be placed on the back burner. It is just the way it works. You shouldn't take it personally.

    About guys not putting much effort into a texting relationship. Guys don't normally text or call someone just to say "hello". We tend to only communicate like that when we feel it is necessary. So I think it is normal that most of these guys wouldn't be too quick to keep something like that going. It just goes against our nature. It is much better to talk to a man in real life, if you want to keep him engaged in the conversation.

    I am sure a lot of guys would love to date you, but unfortunately a lot of us are hopeless at approaching or talking to women. There are a lot of really sweet guys that are desperate, just because they just never developed the ability to talk to women. So trust me when I say that there are a lot of guys that would jump at the chance to date you. If anything I think your biggest hurdle right now is your lack of understanding of how men communicate.

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What Guys Said 8

  • What I write now is really not meant to be offensive, but I will be honest and point out, what I read out of your text.

    First of all: You sound like in fear of being left on the shelf. You're 23, that's fine, many older ones haven't been kissed - your time will come. But if you get desperate, the guys will feel it (read further down here for more on that) and be repelled.

    When I read "above average" (guess the weight, right?) and "outgoing" in one sentence it does not create a pleasant image in my mind. "Outgoing" is very often a euphemism for "extremely loud and annoyingly noisy to catch as much attention as possible" - NEVER EVER be a girl like that! This is precisely what lets other feel like you're so needy that you would hump the next leg.

    If I'm right about the "above average": I find chubby girls incredibely cute and sexy. Since my wife gained a few pounds, I can't take my eyes and hands off of her anymore! I'm sure there are other guys, who think the same way.

    If you think in "standards", you will miss out the best. There is nothing like "ANY GUY" out there, there's one somewhere who fits you - and he's not "ANY GUY". if you think like this, you will repel him again by giving him subtly the idea, that you're out of his league - and he'll start to care less about you, because he's basically just waiting the day you dump him.

    Wearing "foundation", "powder", etc. and having straightened hair doesn't make you anything not "plain Jane". I don't have the pic now, but he might have meant, that your look doesn't fit your personality (again: how much make-up do you use? Are you trying to catch attention by it?). If you are "above average", then live it out!

    You are surely a great person and physically definitely sexy to somebody - please remember: also barbie girls are only sexy to a small group ;) You can't please them all and you don't have to (and neither want to). Don't hide your insecurities by being "outgoing" in the meaning I understood it. Be yourself, be cute, adorable.

    If you are caring, loyal and sweet, is nothing he can tell from the outer look, so don't rely on such things. If you are funny is then another question - are you really? Or do you try to cover up your insecurities with (loud?) humour?

    I said, that I don't mean to offend you, but you should not waste time on analysing your situation but rather on analysing yourself!

    Keep going, you will find somebody!

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  • I don't know at least your trying , online dating is only so useful to meet people . I've meet a lot more girls in real life than on any dating site . I'm sure there is still guys online who would date you if your able to get guys to meet you for a first date , they wouldn't bother setting up a first date if they weren't somewhat interested

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    • well I hear guys are surprised by how the girl actually looks when they meet up and they don't look like their picture. But I took proper pics of myself and sent them but I knew these guys weren't attracted.

      guy #1- he was cute but kind of nerdy and he wasn't flirting or talking properly too me. Also told me literally that I'm too outgoing for him.

      guy #2- I wasn't attracted was shorter than I expected and he seemed interested but didn't flirt.

      guy #3- I wasn't attracted to but I knew

    • he was I think. Because when I first met him 2 min later he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk after we had coffee. However, after the date I must have given off the "vibe" I wasn't interested as he said "see you around" and left after the date ended.

      guy #4- I was very attracted to... I didn't know first whether to hug a guy or not on the first meeting but he showed up and I just hugged him when I saw him he was hot. However he wasn't feeling itl

    • well at least you had 4 dates if in a larger city it still should be possible to get some more and maybe something will lead somewhere . that's the thing with dating there is going to be people who like us that we don't like and people we like who don't like us .

  • I'm curious what the population of the area you're in. That might be part of the problem. Grew up in a small Dairy/potato farming area and was filled with a bunch of retired people. Finding single women that were age appropriate was tough. Once I moved to a bigger city meeting people become easier.

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  • Find some guy like you and make him a sandwich. Are you physically attracted to any of these guys you have been dating? You may have to take the lead. Text only relationships don't last. Most guys that lead you on are just using you to boost their ego.

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  • be glad that you do the choosing, not men

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  • Weird thing is you'll probably get a Boyfriend faster then a guy would get a Girlfriend in the same situation.

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  • Ok try being a guy in your 20's and never having a GF? Seriously why are you or other women/girls complaining? You have it easier than any man on earth. And that's the honest truth,

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  • I don't think things are ever hopeless for a girl. I've seen even unattractive girls dating and getting married. It seems to me like guys have lower standards in general, so an average or above average (because I doubt you're actually average, as most people are more critical of themselves than others are of them) girl like yourself probably has a decent chance of finding a fairly attractive, decent guy.

    On the other hand, I probably am hopeless. 24, never kissed a girl, never really dated a girl, never even held hands with a girl. Unemployed and living with my parents, with a back injury that keeps me from doing just about any job that would pay enough to support myself. Hair thinning badly already. Overweight (though I'm working on that and have lost 35 pounds in 2.5 months). My face was rated 8.4/10 on Hot or Not, but that has to be a fluke, I'm probably more like a 4/10 in facial attractiveness. I'm a nice guy, and genuine;y care about women's feelings, but I'm kind of nerdy.

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    • Aww I'm really sorry to hear that. You seem like a sweet guy and honestly guys don't really need look as much a girls do. If you try meeting someone in a similar situation that can understand you. For guys I feel that if their confident, and ambitious it overcomes other stuff that maybe viewed as not so good in their life.

What Girls Said 3

  • I am in the same area in my life I have not had my first kiss yet. Sometimes I feel the same way as you do but than I realize that the most important person in the world is you. If you treat yourself decently and kindly the right time will come when you will encounter the right man. It is better to take your time finding the right man and to have the perfect first kiss than rush and get a guy that will only remind you of bad memories of your first kiss. Also by treating yourself with love and kindness it will attract men more because they pick up the vibes of love and compassion. If you continue to put yourself down it will send out to the universe bad vibes, which will not only repeal men but it will make things worse than what they are right now for you.

    Do not worry that you will not have that first kiss because by worrying it is preventing you from taking action that would allow you to attract any men because you are fulfilling a self-prophesy. It is especially important that you do not lower your standards for what you want in a man in fact write down the qualities that you want and put it away somewhere and believe with all of your heart that it will come true and allow yourself to forget about it. Eventually what you wrote down will manifest itself when you lest expect it and are not forcing it.

    I myself face a similar situation for I am funny, humorous, very intellect, and compassionate and still have not found a guy yet to kiss me. To prevent myself from feeling this way, I focus on how do I improve myself and how can I help others. I want you in the next few days to spend some time by yourself and to get to know yourself better. Do things for yourself that you would do for your friends and family.

    Everyday when you wake up find the confidence in yourself to live every moment as if it is your last day and fulfill yourself in happiness and not in sadness. I do this by stating five or six things that I am grateful for. **Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. ** What one person may deem as ugly another may deem it to be very beautiful. Keep this in mind and it will enable you to overlook your shortcomings for nobody is perfect and it is the imperfections that make things more valuable. Be sure to communicate and talk with five to six guys everyday in your everyday life (not the ones on the internet) even the ones in the grocery store and if you find them attractive ask them for their phone number and ask to hang out with them.

    Over 70% of relationships on the internet do not go anywhere because it suppresses important aspects of a relationship such as touching and being able to talk with someone one on one. This somewhat contributes to the mans ability to take a relationship further in most cases.

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  • I'm not sure, maybe you should post some photos on here so we know what you mean.

    You could go to a spa if you have the money and ask them for help in styling your hair and make up etc. Sometimes you really do need somebody to show you how to do eye make up and all.

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  • He's telling you to spice up your look. Fix your hair in a more stylish way, more sexy, maybe some flirty waves. Change your makeup to really highlight your eyes and lips. Make yourself look more bold. That's what he's suggesting.

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