At what point is it not OK to date more than one person?

Ok so I have two dates coming up with two different girls and even though I'm not committed to either, I can't help but feeling bad about it for some reason.

The first girl I already have been on three dates with over the span of three or so weeks. We almost had the exclusive conversation after our last date. But the next day she freaked out at how fast we were moving and tried to run away from everything. Two days later she apologized said she freaked out because she hasn't dated in a while and got scared how fast she liked me and how quick we were moving. She asked me for a second chance and I have a date with her again this week.

The second girl I actually met before the first girl, almost two months ago now. We had a date set up about a month ago and she backed out with what could have been a plausible excuse. At the time I thought it was a bs excuse and kind of wrote her off as uninterested. However she continually kept in text conversations with me the last few weeks and I suggested a second chance at a date and she said she was busy so I stopped asking her. it just so happened one of the two days I thought me and the first girl were done she texted me asking me to hang out this week. I said yes.

Now I know its common for people to date more than one person before it's an official relationship, but is it odd that I feel bad about it? And if I go through with both dates, how long can I keep going with both until it really becomes unacceptable? Like 4 dates in and a month time with the first girl almost seems like I wouldn't be able to give the second girl much of a shot before that one would be official. I really liked the first girl, but her bailing for two days worries me a little bit so I kind of want to give the second girl a chance, but I think it will be harder to turn her down eventually if I actually go on a date with her and pick the first girl.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i am kinda on the same boat..more like the girl with two guys. I am glad I am not alone.

    i would feel the second one is prob. better, take it slow with her.

    the first one seem a bit off with two cancelled dates.

    i am kinda like the second one, I dated the guy three times and we made out...i kinda freaked out because I have been out of the dating scene for a long time. I text him and apologized...i don't know how he feels now. I told him I want to see him again..so we'll see.

    now I do think about him more and prob. would like to talk to him more

    on the other hand, I am still seeing another guy but not often...

    yes..as conflicted as you ... sigh *

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    • You mean the girl I've already had dates with is probably better? I kind of agree and we had great dates and we did more than make out the third date so I kinda get why she got scared. But I'm still kinda worried about it if she is gonna get scared and bail whenever something important happens

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    • Second girl cancelled our date today because she got "too busy at work" and asked to reschedule for tomorrow. She apologized multiple times, but it is becoming a pattern.

      At the same time the first girl texted me today that she misses me and I told her that I miss her too and she responded "<3 can't wait for Friday" (which is the day of our date). So it is looking more and more like the first girl is going to be the winner. And I also am feeling even more guilty about going on another date.

    • second girl seems strange. I would just ignore her from here on. she is playing games. don't call/text her. focus on the first girl. things seem sweet between the two of you :)

      enjoy :)

What Girls Said 2

  • did the first one stick to her ''moving too fast'' or did she apologize and agree to be exclusive? if she agreed,it's not okay,it's cheating. but if you're not exclusive,go ahead,but the first girl might get pissed off if she finds out

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    • We never were "official". The end of our third date she told me she didn't talk to other guys and asked me if I still talked to other girls. That was kind of the extent of it and the very next day is when she freaked out so we never clarified it. She apologized and said she needed a second chance. She said she was sorry, she hadn't dated in a while and got scared and she shuts out people when she does that. She also said she missed me and can't wait to see me again. That's about it.

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    • I don't think I'm looking for a loophole, I'm hesitant to talk to someone who before got scared by how quickly we were moving about whether or not we are official right after we started talking again

    • you're going to have to talk sooner or later,it can be about how you cheated on her,or it can be about you still wanting to play the field.

  • When you find the right person

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What Guys Said 7

  • The sense of guilt is understandable. You can't really resolve it until you know who you feel like you're cheating on. It doesn't make sense to arbitrary pick one to turn away. It will continue to be difficult to see both and it will be more difficult to turn one away later. This is a better situation than most people have in dating when they have no one to choose between!

    I suggest that you find who you really want to have a relationships with rather than just let exclusiveness happen. It may not be either of these two.

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  • You're fine.

    Don't be exclusive till you're actually exclusive. You're not dragging your feet - you were on a very normal pace and she wanted to slow down. That's fine.

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  • It's not okay once you become official. Until then, date as many women as you want!

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  • I imagine if I said "all the time" you'd be like "lulzusonothip" and we'd get into a fight. So instead ... link

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  • Pimpin ain't easy...

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    • But its necessary, that's why I be chasing women like tom chases jerry

  • America, your view on relationships is so strange.

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  • GOD I hate sh*t like this...

    It's good that you have a conscience about this... but I say date as MANY girls as possible until one of them wants to get serious...

    and ALWAYS go for the girl who is the most punctual... ALWAYS :)

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