What's the better dating strategy: going out and seeking a potential partner or...

Just going through life and if you happen to meet someone you like, go for it, but if not, whatever?

I see positives and drawbacks to both... in the first its like you are playing the odds and while you may have success every now and again the rejections may not feel as bad since you are not as heavily invested in a person. and then the drawback there would be that it may feel more superficial and less like you really dating a person because you really like them...

Then in the latter the people you date tend to be ones you really really saw potential in and like a lot. However because you are more emotionally invested you would feel a possible rejection much more harshly and also it may take a looonng time between people you really like so it can be infrequent.

There may be more, but what do you think? which strategy do you do? or would you rather do?

And please explain why, I'd love to see your reasons.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends on the type of person you are.

    Some people enjoy dating, playing the field and the search itself. And other people HATE it (I fall into that category, haha).

    I think when you are so concentrated on the search, you can become overwhelmed by the amount of letdowns you experience. It will eventually start to bring you down and that is about the time you hear people say, "I give up on men/women!" You can also end up settling for someone you don't want just because they want you. After being rejected a lot, you'll find yourself begging for one to just "kind of" work, instead of waiting for one that REALLY works. There's also a lot pressure associated with a conscious search for a partner. If you're working really hard and not getting anywhere, that too can really start to bring you down.

    With the other choice - you'll probably be single more but you'll also probably date people you REALLY like instead of just dating people that came around saying yes. There will be genuine chemistry and you'll already want them, without having to try to or force yourself to.

    I prefer this strategy - going through life content and dating people you like if they come into your life.

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    • but then again if that person you've liked for awhile rejects you, you feel it reallly bad, and also can lose a potential friend over it.

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    • but are you able to move on easily from a rejection in that case?

    • It depends.

      I'm going through something pretty difficult right now, but generally speaking, rejection doesn't end my world. I'm quite used to it, honestly.

What Girls Said 1

  • You know I don't think it has to be one or the other. I think you can go through your life normally and see if anything happens, not always actively "looking", but on occasion decide to take the initiative as well. There are so many different circumstances that affect this, one being (as sparrow said), the type of person you are.

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What Guys Said 2

  • it's a tough catch-22, since us guys are expected to do the pursuing, approaching, initiating, the hardest part is being pro-active and at the same time avoid being desperate, avoid trying too hard

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  • Get out and seek a partner. It's just the better strategy. You have more shots at success, you improve your dating skills (and there are skills involved) so when you find a girl you could really have a connection with, you don't come across as an inexperienced loser.

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