Should I forgive this girl?

I dated this girl months ago and we're in our late 20s. We are no longer dating but grew incredibly close with each other (hugging, kissing, holding hands, sleeping over). She even made it a big deal how she doesn't do this with just anyone and it means a lot to her. She says she really likes me and has feelings for me but is afraid to get hurt. I told her that I really like her and want a relationship. Recently, things have picked up even more and we had sex occasionally. We have tried to put a label on what we are but we never make a conclusion. When I called us still friends she got offended and kept focusing on how we had sex and that it means A LOT to her. She says she hasn't been with anyone since her last serious relationship (5 years ago and it was a real bad breakup). I've met this girls family and her friends/coworkers all say that we should be together and we look happy together. Yet, we hung out last weekend and she got drunk. We had sex quite a few times that night and at some points she would go on her phone and text. SHE NEVER HAS DONE THIS BEFORE. I let it go the first 2 times, then I scolded her and told her it was a mood killer. My gut told me something horrible was up. At one point during sex, she said she loved me many times. She has never said/done that before. When she fell asleep, I checked her phone (when she was 'drunk' she said I could check it since I made a big deal of her texting while we had sex). It turns out she was texting another guy (some guy she claims who likes her but she doesn't like at all. that is why she says she kept her distance from him and doesn't hang out cause of his feelings). She texted him while I was in the shower saying REAL dirty things (i.e. I wish you could bend me over right now). I am devastated. The fact she did this WHILE we had sex is an insult to me. The next morning we had breakfast and I asked her if she's seeing anyone or messing around with anyone else. She said no. Then, she realized some of the things she did. She said she was sorry for screwing with my head when she realized she told me "i love u" MANY times and we went to bed angry (no idea, she just got upset and we stopped things and went to sleep). She then got a text message from the guy and said she was embarrassed over a text message she sent last night. She said she wished she never sent it. When I tried to pry more and ask what happened (playing dumb), she got slightly upset with me interrogating her. Anyhow, I dropped her off home and that was it. Drunk or not, I am furious she did that. How do you claim to have feelings for someone, act all lovey dovey and then hit up another guy?! Yesterday(my birthday), she msged me wishing me a happy birthday and saying (twice) that she is sorry, from the bottom of her heart, for hurting me. She even stopped by my house and dropped off a gift (covered in her perfume). Is she playing games or seeking my forgiveness? I just don't trust her anymore...HELP


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Considering I dealt with the same thing with my boyfriend and can't trust him, I say move on. It's not worth it...really. Sure, you technically weren't official, but you acted like a couple. And, if you did make things into a serious relationship, who's to say she won't do that the next time she's drunk?

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    • We did act like a couple, thank you! Everyone that knows us has seen and said the same, except her. I think the same way. If we ended up in a serious relationship, who's to say she wouldn't do something like that again? The fact that question even is a possibility is why I can't trust her. My trust level was low to begin with after she went through my phone. It sucks though, I actually saw this having lots of potential in my opinion. I hope I wasn't blind.

    • It does suck, but believe me, it's better for you in the long run : /

What Girls Said 1

  • whoa, everyone is so quick to judge, its was just a drunk text message ,we all make mistakes ..if you feel her apology is sincere and there's an emotional connection shared why not give her a chance?

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    • because texting "i wish you were here to bend me over right now" has it's own emotional connection shared with the other guy as well. same guy, this girl said she wanted nothing to do with. for all I know she's been sleeping with him for months. not to mention, during dinner, she asked me how I would feel if she were 'with' another guy while seeing me. call me crazy, but I'm willing to bet 5K I'm right about her and him. it's not something I'm happy I'm right about either.

What Guys Said 2

  • Dump her like a bad habit. Any time a girl says "I've never done this before" you can almost guarantee she's lying.

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    • she didn't say "she's never done this before" I'M saying I've never seen her act this way or do anything as stupid as this before. it's almost uncharacteristic...

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    • girls are either honest people or liars who can't fool you (unless you are stupid)

    • I agree, she has a side I don't know about if she's been lying to me. Worst part now is I can't tell if she's been lying all along or just recently. I swore she was genuine by the way she talked/cried/etc. when certain things happened.

  • It might be time to find a girl who's more loyal.

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    • is loyal even applicable since we're not dating/in a relationship?

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    • You're right. It's her lying I'm mad about. For someone that made such a big deal about us messing around and all, she didn't hesitate doing it with another guy. She's been preaching being honest with one another and trust. Yet, when I ask her if she's seeing anyone else or messing with anyone she says no (lie). She's a hypocrite. Especially after having said she couldn't stand that guy and was "avoiding him". Then, it turns out she's hopping on him. What else am I to think from her text?

    • She sounds like trouble. You don't want to be sleeping with a girl this shady. I foresee various bad things happening here.

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