Do I text him and say I want to know where we stand one way or another? He's left me in limbo

I'm really confused about a guy I've been seeing. We live in different towns and the last time we saw each other I felt really unhappy as I felt like he wasn't paying me much attention, ignoring me when I spoke at times and generally not showing much interest in my thoughts.

He could tell something was wrong when I left but he is not a guy who calls and in between face time he only contacts me by text. So I had to try be brief about what I was feeling and he wasn't saying much - just saying we should slow things down and go out and get to know each other better. When I told him it was a bit more than that he still didn't have much to say and then apologized saying he was having a tough week at work.

I tried to cut him some slack, thinking we could meet up and talk on the weekend. I tried to be supportive and understanding of his tough week even though I was still hurting from feeling like things just weren't working out and not even knowing if he would be prepared to try fix the issues. However, he didn't mention meeting up at all and I was tired of having to be the one to initiate plans all the time (another issue) and on Friday I lost my cool with him when I was having a bit of a bad day and he had nothing supportive to say.

It got a bit heated and he said we should call it a day and then said we should meet up and talk. I left it at that and then I didn't hear from him again until today where the only message I got said, "You OK my sweet?" I responded with, "I've been better...you?" and he said he's feeling OK and has had plenty of sleep. Nothing else.

I have NO idea why he's just not bothered to try make plans to meet up and talk, I can only assume he was either leaving it to me or he thinks it can wait until next weekend but I don't think it can. It's weighing heavily on me being in limbo like this - not knowing if the issues can be fixed and I just want a damned resolution now. I want to either know that it's over or that he's going to make more effort to make me feel like he cares. I can't sit here for another week making small talk and I also feel like he's going to expect ME to travel to him as I always do and which I'm usually fine with, but not if it might end in us breaking it off. To be left in limbo and then have to put the effort in again when I don't even know if he's going to put any effort in doesn't seem fair on me.

So I don't get what's going on...I'm hurting so much just being left to guess what's happening. Do I text him and say I want to know where we stand one way or another? Do I even bother with trying to talk in person if I have to wait this long for it? I really don't know what to do...:(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey, been there. I can tell you what I did wrong, so perhaps that helps. The problem with guys seems to be that if for you the problem is only sorted once everyone has made their feelings clear, but he is perhaps embarrassed about it all. Guys like to sweep these things aside as if they had never happened (unless they are on the receiving end of being ignored). So if you come across as reproachful (and from what you write, I am almost sure your guy will see it like this), it's for him as if he'll come to you only to be told about his shorcomings. SO, I know this is hard and I would love to be better at this myself, but try to instigate something fun and positive. Write him a enthusiastic e-mail about it, give him an enthusiastic call (if you can manage), don't reproach him for anything but during your day out say how you love to do things with him. Will do wonders for his ego. Then, when the feeling for him is good again, you can say that you are sorry if you seemed a bit troubled the last few days and it was just because you weren't sure if he wanted the same out of the relationship with you as yourself. Tell him that if you feel insecure like that and vulnerable, this makes you a bit thrawn and you may appear cold even if you feel the exact opposite. This way you can tell him how you feel, but he doesn't have to shoulder the blame. Also, guys like to solve problems and this one is easy to solve: He just needs to be more open about his feelings. I'm in kind of a similar situation, but we live 700 km away. I asked him to meet up but I'm still waiting for him to collect his thoughts on that. Good luck with it!

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    • Thanks for your thoughtful answer. I think you're spot on and I need to improve with my communication. It's very difficult for me when I feel upset to be positive, but hopefully I can learn.

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