Okay, so I broke it off with my ex almost 3 months ago. We are still friends and trying to work on that friendship. We text and talk to each other. Sometimes it's positive texts, ie " I'm going to work on myself and get you back" "I hope you have a great day" "I'm going to get things done". Most nights though I have to suffer through a barage of negative text novels. "I hate you, you abandoned me" "I hate myself" "Everything is sh*t" type stuff. This is normally when he's drunk too. I was texting ( and yes, I tried to call but he won't pick up the phone) for over 2 hours late last night. At one point he asked me be honest, asked if I saw a future at all. Here's my response, word for word:
"I have been totally honest with you. I feel that yes, there could still be a future. But, as I have also said, I don't see that happening anytime soon. I can't give you a timeline as to how long it may be. By working on our friendship we might be able to heal the hurt we've caused each other and make sure whatever form our would relationship take would be strong. I don't expect you to wait as that wouldn't be fair to you and it could cause resentment between us. If we ever were to rekindle I would expect you to be single and not seeing/dating anyone else at that time. I can't fault you if you start dating or sleeping with somebody while we're broken up. Would it hurt, yes. But it's not right of me to say that you're not allowed.
Yes, I did want you as my partner and still do. But you need to prove to me that you can be an equal partner. And I'm not talking financially."
His response: " Well I am a f***ing fool because you don't know what you want and what that means is you can do whatever you want and whomever you want as well. Maybes don't mend broken hearts." That theme went on for about 10 more messages.
So here's the question: Am I not being clear? Am I saying it all wrong? Also, how do I get him to understand that these negative text novel "conversations" are pushing me away and making it hard to be his friend?
Most Helpful Guy
I think he's just a very, very, very immature person. He's like a little boy who's toy was taken away from him (You're the toy by the way). It sounds like he has an incredible amount of growing up to do.
You should cut him off completely. Not only will this free you from what seems like a rather toxic relationship, it will help him to realize that he needs to grow up and start acting like a man.
Simply tell him, "I can't be associated with you until you mature some more. I hope one day we can be friends, but not right now." And then sever all contact. Sure, he'll bitch and moan like a whiny little kid, but that's no longer your problem. Time for you to live your life, and stop helping him live his.
(You may also want to talk to his family and tell them he might be depressed. From the way he sounds, that's probably not it, but better safe than sorry.)0