Dating a therapist...

I recently started going on dates with a guy who studies behavior al psycology in University. I feel like it will be impossible to impress him or look good in his eyes. For example, he asked me why I broke up with my ex. I gave him and answer that we were on different intellectual levels and I needed someone who I could have good conversations with and who had more character depth and opinions. That I didn't like how it was always me asking and leading the questions and conversations etc. so then he answers with "so you like a do inate guy? Who takes charge?" I got so nervous feeling like he was judging me after that I sent way too many texts trying to explain... Any advice on dating a therapist? Clearly I'm currently failing. It feels like he can decide anything he wants about me, and it's driving me crazy. Please share your advice. I like him so far he seems like a great guy, but we only been on one date so far and if I didn't mess it up today another date this week.

Updates:
*dominant guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My sister is a behavioral psychologist with a PhD.

    You're over thinking this. The goal isn't to impress him, its to be yourself. If he doesn't like the real you, he's the wrong guy for you.

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    • Thats true, thanks! He is studying behavior al psychology in University

    • Yeah. Him and a few hundred thousand other people. Its one of the most popular undergrad programs, the vast majority of them are going nowhere. Good for him if he's actually going all the way and has insight. But don't walk around on eggshells just because he's taken a few classes!

What Guys Said 4

  • You say: "we were on different intellectual levels and I needed someone who I could have good conversations with and who had more character depth and opinions"

    He hears: "I felt that I was better than him, that he was intellectually inferior to me, and I'm communicating that to you now, because feeling intellectually superior and smart makes me feel good, and I enjoy being praised for how smart and intellectual I am, which is why I'm telling you 'that' as 'the reason' why we broke up. Plus, I also want you to feel that I can have a good conversation, I have a lot of character, depth, and that I like other people's opinions."

    When most people listen to others talk, they are listening out for "what" the speaker is saying.

    When therapists listen to others talk, they are listening out for "why" the speaker said that.

    If I was you, I would have told him,

    "I honestly don't know. He was the one who broke things off with me, but he never told me why. I don't know if it was the fact that I made him wait 6 months before we did anything sexual together, or if it was because of my small penis humiliation and strap-on female anal domination fetishes that I bombarded him with as soon as we started having sex."

    Would have loved to see where that would go.

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    • If he interpreted that, its way off cause none of that of what you said is true. The guy never gave his opinions I couldn't have a conversation with him for that reason and was very boring. Lying is not good advic.

    • Well, if he interpreted that literally, then he would be an idiot. What's more likely is him understanding that as you being sarcastic, which communicates to him that his opinion of you doesn't matter very much and that you don't take yourself too seriously, which means you're comfortable and confident in yourself, and that's what that would have ultimately conveyed.

  • Based on what he asked and his responses, he's not really looking into dating you, just manifesting what he's learned in books or classes onto you. He's treating you like you're a patient.

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  • So, how does that make you feel?

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  • He's an idiot. He obviously can't separate the therapist from his dating life. That is a terrible question for a guy to ask...about the girls ex. He clearly sucks as a therapist. You could have fun messing with his head. Just start firing questions back at him.

    When he asks you...stupid questions asking if you like a dominant guy...you should answer..What does it matter what I like? Responses like that, will drive HIM crazy. If you were my little sister, I'd tell ya to run!

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    • I think it's pretty normal for a guy to ask about previous relationships and what kind of guys they like when dating a new girl.

    • It may be normal...but its still dumb. It's none of a guys business what her past relationships were like...epsecially early on. I'm sure women just love being asked about their past ex's on the first couple of dates. Just goes to show how lost many guys are these days.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think you're looking too far into this. I have a degree in Psychology, and I am not consciously analyzing people all the time. I think he was just asking a question as a guy who is interested in dating you, and wants to know your likes/dislikes.

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  • I agree with kheserthorpe. I think he was just trying to make conversation, get to know you, and find out what kind of guys you like. I don't think he was trying to psychoanalyze you. I'm a psych major too and while I do like to analyze behaviors in my head from time to time, I don't expect my boyfriend to be perfect. Just be yourself and if he's the right guy for you he'll be crazy about you, regardless of his psychology knowledge.

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    • I was worried he was trying to see if Id like him according to if he's a dominant guy or not. I do like dominant guys to a certain extent, but I didn't feel comfortable admitting to it so I didn't. Thought he'd loose interest if he happened to not be dominant...

  • Believe me as an ungrad degree in psychology, you don't learn enough to even start to analysis human behavior. This doesn't happen till you get into post grad work. I'm in the field and the last thing we want at the end of the day is to try and figure out the behavior and motifs of those around us. We want someone who is honest and will be pleasant to be around us. In a funny way even though we evaluate human behavior we are taught not to judge others.

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    • "even though we evaluate human behavior we are taught not to judge others."

      Very true, although some people will be biased anyway.

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