I'm 43 and know nothing about women..and hate it!! :(

Just hate it. And, I'm a "V". I've had bad luck with women my whole life. not much contact, kissing, NO S**..only 3 girlfriends, Kindergarten, 4th, and 6th. Only the Kindergarten one and I kissed...a lot! But then not another kiss until a few years ago, with a s******r who gave me a "quick peck on the lips". Only one date, in HS, with a freshman to my senior prom..who ditched me the whole night, treated me like a cold fish. Just always had women, liking me for "friends", or hating me, and using me for to feed their egos or something. Playing with my emotions, pretending to care. Just unfair. EVERYONE else gets so many dates, partners, lovers, etc..I haven't even had one. Spent too many years taking care of family members, who needed my help, instead of living MY life. Also, have had money probs, and life probs, so all of that, just messed me up further. Just don't seem to know what to do with women. How to flirt, pick them up, date, hookup, be a boyfriend, a real boyfriend. I try my best, and now try to learn from online and maybe someday "dating coaches" etc. S** tips, etc. But still seem to not know what to do. Just makes me look bad to people, especially women, to be inexperienced, especially by MY age. Just hate it. Don't know what to do about it. I'm on a dating social site, "MeetMe.com". Been making mistakes all the time. Got close a couple times, but messed up, they left. Today, a woman who seems real sweet, responsible, said she "looked great nude and F******". Others responded with sex comments too. So I said, Yeah, you look so great f******, that "adult stars" want to learn more, and look as good!" I thought it was an OK comment, along the lines of the "theme" of the post..she deleted the comment. I realized I said something wrong, and apologized, asking forgiveness..she blocked me! I apologized in my own "post" so EVERYONE would see it, but she probably wont, since she blocked me, it probably won't show up in her "live feed". won't do any good anyway. No telling how many others hate me now. Just don't understand what I said? Doesn't matter, always seem to say the wrong things, do the wrong things..and I'm still alone..may be the rest of my life..as much as I want to be with women..not sure I'll ever get the chance. It's just sad. Hate it. But don't know what to do. Give up? How? Not sure I can. So what do I do? Just don't know. Any tips, help? I'd appreciate it. Thanks..:(

You all had really good ideas and tips, thanks for them! Sorry I haven't gotten back in the last few days to you..my mom had to go the hospital for a couple days, but she's OK now. Just been a bit busy. Anyway, thanks for all your tips and info, I'll try to put them to good use. I appreciate the advice! Thx a lot! Tc ppl! ;)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh my I'm sorry. I don't have any general advice but if you have any specific questions feel free to ask me. You could message me if you'd like! Just stay confident and classy

    • Thankyou, I might do that. I appreciate that! Thanks! :)

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    • Thanks man :)

    • vw! np at all! you take care, hun, ok? :) be real good to yourself! :)


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What Girls Said 5

  • chillax , first of all you need to get the f*** of this computer of yours and find a social life .

    2nd , you need to fix your looks . always smell perfect maybe have a new haircut , change your clothes style ... and if you don't go to the gym , start going and have your body muscles built because women get attracted to muscles .

    3rd you need to learn how to talk to ladies online dating and chatting wouldn't help at all because obviously you get nervous when you talk to ladies so you have to over come that fear and start to be more social . Go out to the club , casino , park who knows who you might meet there . or even do sports or join clubs you might find someone you'll be interested in .

    well ladies in your age like a guy who is actually sweet and could handle responsibilities . a guy who cares about her feelings and a guy that is capable of backing her up financially .AS for the flirting part , check up online and read how to flirt with women and have sex with them , watching p*rn might help you a lot . . Make sure NEVER TO CALL A GIRL; BITCH OR F***ED OR ANY THAT KINDA STUFF . cz that sh*t is so rude . girls like gentle men who can actually flirt and be nice not f***ed up street boys. And last but not least , take some dancing lessons ,learn how to dance the tango or salsa . it's a really sexy dance and it'll help you a lot to have a lot of feminine partners and experience a social life with .

    4th be confident . don't walk pass a lady showing her that you're just dying for her just to talk to .on the contrary act like your a guy who is perfectly fine with his life . enjoying every second of it and be always playful when you're around women . we don't like talking to depressed guys .

    5 th .. yea I just wanted to tell you that even though you're 43 and not experienced you're still young I know a lot of guys who got married when they're like 50s or smthn . so don't freak out. and good luck , hope I helped :)

    • Thanks for the tips, I'm trying! I'm not attractive now? ;) Haha! Jk! Well, I'm trying to go to the gym soon, build up and gain weight, tan, maybe blond highlights (haven't decided.) And it took me YEARS of FAILED interactions with women, to get past my barriers a little. I'm ALREADY funny with women, and ppl, joking with them. I fake it a little, until I get close to ppl. But still REALLY working on my issues. Yeah, I'll keep trying. Thanks I appreciate it! :)

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    • yea you might be right , I was just trying to help tho .. takle some advice from the guys they'll help you a lot more ;) gd luck anws :P

    • Oh no! I like your advice AND the guys' advice, it all helps me in different ways, promise! And I do appreciate it, thanks! :) Np at all! And I agree with you on a lot of it. And I'm working on it too. Not sure I can learn to dance (not much rythym, unfortunately, but I'll try and want to. So we'll def see. But thanks for the encouragement! ;):) And Guys, I think I'll ask you too. Thanks! And by the way, if people don't MIND, if you have a little time, maybe EM me some tips? I'd appreciate it! But thanks!

  • I love how all the guys' advice is to go get a whore. Very insightful

    • yeah. well I would, but I'd rather have "love" first before I do that you know? If it was just about sex I would have done it A LONG TIME ago. I'd rather it be with someone who WANTS to be with me, especially my first time, you know? not just someone who wants $1000 and says "adios!" But I don't know, the more I can't seem to find "love", maybe I will try it. but not yet, Will keep trying, just will keep the idea for later, just in case. But RATHER it be with a girl who's my GF, that'd be nice!

    • It's what I want PHYSICALLY, but "emotionally", I want love first! If I'd already HAD myfirst time along time ago, np. But always wanted to find someone to love who loved me, before I did that. Just haven't had the good luck to, so far. But still trying. Not sure. It's a thought, maybe I'll do that, if I get "hornier", but we'll see. For now, I think I'll keep trying. Sex may be MOST important to most guys, and is to me too. But truthfully..love is. That's what I REALLY want...a Gf. Trying! :)

  • Judging by your answer to anon girl's question ("Do you like yourself?"..."Trying to") you really need to work on YOU first before finding someone.

    I think you're being way too hard on yourself. Surely you have other things going for you. If anything, you're a selfless person as you mentioned spending time taking care of family and friends that needed your help.

    Have you considered therapy? Your question and comments are riddled with self-doubt and low self-esteem. You have to be happy with you before you first before you can focus on others. Even ifything, you're a selfless person as you mentioned spending time taking care of family and friends that needed your help.

    • Yeah, trying to work on me. Thanks! COULD'VE left home early 20s, but stayed behind to take care of mom, grandma, & little bro, when dad cheated/div mom, and left, with two other sibs. They gave up on us. I didn't see it as right, staying til mom back on her feet, and I could HOPEFULLY go to CA and Hollywood..but bad luck leaving ever since! She needs me: older, mental. MISSED OUT ON MY LIFE AND WANT IT! Trying therapy but taking too long, til "normal". I'm lonely, horny NOW. Want high esteem!

  • This is from another question, but I thought this guy gave some really solid advice about online dating. I never have dated online, but I'm really social and love meeting new people so dating has always come easy to me. Online dating is convenient because you have access to so many more people, than you do on the street. Anyhoo, here's his response about online dating:

    I know a few people who have met someone online, but really only one guy who used online dating heavily and successfully. He'd use it between girlfriends and often find a girlfriend based on his online activities, within a month or so. Here's how he'd operate ... note the subtle differences from how you operate:

    - He used a pay site, not free ones.

    - His profile was good

    - He'd message something like 15-20 women a day. This was a lot of work he freely confessed because this was based on actually reading profiles and choosing women he had some interest in.

    - He would ask them to meet on message one. His views were that A) a lot of women (probably men too) online are flakes just looking to flirt and be validated, people who actually want to date want to meet, and those that don't are a waste of his time. B) online dating is weird and you want to move to normal dating as quicly as possible. C) if a woman isn't even tempted to spend 10 minutes having a coffee with him based on his profile and some back and forth, the odds that she's a good match for him are terrible. D) until you meet in person you have no clue about chemistry.

    - He'd go on something like 4-10 first dates a week. Yes 10. I can remember him moaning about his schedule one Friday where he had three first dates set up for ONE DAY.

    - Maybe 1/3 of the first dates would lead to a second date (so that's 1-2 a week) and maybe 1/3 of those go further. By 3-4 dates he'd either cut it off or go exclusive.

    - He'd fool around a little with more than one woman, but generally once he was sleeping with one, he would not be dating others. Note that he was up front about dating more then one woman, I'm just saying he personally didn't continue sleeping with a bunch, once he went that far, he generally gave things a shot with her.

    Do the math. In a month of being single he might have messaged 300-400 women, met 30 of them, had 5-10 second dates and a few third dates and chosen the one of those he was most compatible and interested in to pursue things further.

    Note that your ratio of meeting 4 of 20 and getting one second date out of 4 is actually quite close to his ratios. He's just talking to as many women in 2 days as you did in 18 months. Talking for a long time before asking to meet is probably not improving things much

    Read more at link

    Advice please! - GirlsAskGuys.com

    • Thanks for the info, I appreciate it! Well, I know I'm a lot of the problem, how my life is. Trying to change things, make better. Maybe that'll help. I know I have to fix some things, but figured the REAL me, would be good enough for women to like? But seems not to be the case. I do things wrong, don't know what I'm doing. Mess up and lose them, when I DO get chances. But will try to learn, fix more, do better. Hope I'll have better luck. Thanks I'll put that info to good use! I appreciate it!

  • She got upset because you basically put her in the same boat as 'adult stars' . . . in her eyes you called her a p*rn star, easy, a slut . . . However, she's sort of asking for it, posting ignorant crap like that on the internet . . . If you choose to make a comment on a picture, pic a classy flattering one to comment on, not stupid bythcies trying to 'hoe it up'.

    Are you socially awkward? Do you find it hard to meet knew people and show your self off? Do you like yourself? Do you need to be considering other women? Maybe expand your options a bit? Are you trying to find the 'perfect' woman? I mean, do you have a list of criteria and if she doesn't meet one out of ten of them you kick her to the curb? Are you trying new things?

    That's all I got for ya. I figured maybe some questions pointed at you may make you do some intropspection The only commonality in your entire experience, is YOU. Good luck

    • Yeah, I agree with you. Well, I was just trying to "fit in" with the other posters, while she AND them said pretty much the same stuff. It was just the only thing I could think of, just wish I hadn't. And I was flirting with several women, including nice comments to nice women, who LIKED the comments! A's: Yes/No, Yes/No, Trying to, Consider them all, Def, Only somewhat, Not really, at least I try not to, And, yeah, trying new things, soon. I just seem to be unlucky. But trying harder. Thanks!

What Guys Said 8

  • You gain experience via mistakes. Your 'problem' is you went through life not making mistakes. Now you're making them. If you figure out a way to learn anything without making any mistakes, please let me know. I'm an amateur boxer as a hobby and mistakes when learning new defensive techniques are pretty painful :p

    Next ... you're being oversensitive to others sensitivity. She made a sexual comment, you made a sexual comment. She didn't like it for who knows what reason. She deleted it. You don't need to ask forgiveness. You didn't go out of bounds for what she said. If she didn't like it, she has a right not to like it, but you don't HAVE to get her to 'forgive' you. And when someone blocks you, that means 'leave me alone', not 'drag me into a public spectacle'.

    You need to let things roll off your back a little more. Be a decent guy, be an honest guy who is showing your real self. If people don't like the real you, let it go, don't push yourself on them, but them not liking you doesn't mean you - or they - are doing anything wrong. You're just not supposed to be togther. At work, with family, you HAVE to find a way to get along, so we have stricter manners to ensure people who aren't all that compatible can get along. With dating, friends, you have to make some effort, and you are hopefully a nice person, but if they're not in tune with you, find people who are!

    • Yeah, you're right. My life was sort of put into Neutral, and didn't get same advantages as most ppl..until hopefully now. Like a teen in a man's body, not starting in life, til older. So NOW I'm making mistakes. (Also, always tried to NOT make others' mistakes, so I could bypass their consequences. Still trying.) Yeah, not worried, I left the site. I try to be a great guy, but maybe a little too sensitive. Want people who WANT me around, not who doesn't. I try to be me, a good guy, 4 people who C it!

  • You should invest in a hooker just to get the damn in experience out of the way. This way you won't be so nervous around girls.

    Read some books on picking up women.

    Trial and error my friend!

    Don't be afraid to fail because if you are you will never go anywhere.

    Don't kiss girls asses either.

    Approach women as much as you can wherever you can.

    You see a pretty girl you like start off with hi!

    Ask your buddies if they know of any available women.

    Have them set you up on a date.

    • Yeah, I might, we'll see, if it comes to it. STILL want to try for a woman who WANTS to be with me tho, not just for money, you know? But I'll think about it. yeah, chking on "Dating Gurus" and Ebooks, etc. Try to learn tips. Yep, planning to try, just have to hope for the best. Will try not to "kiss up to them". And will approach, say "hi", as much as I can. Several in area I might try with. Most seem taken, but we'll see. Or maybe move, fresh start. But def planning. Thanks!

  • step1 talk to women step 2 talk to women step 3 talk to women step 4 big profit!

  • You are f*****, too late to do anything now.

  • you should have gone to an escort ages ago

    • Maybe, we'll see, if things don't work out soon like I want them to. But we'll see. Thanks!

  • F these hoes and go get a escort.

  • for "V' just buy a whore ;) ; ... me and my frens buy whores all the time ;)

  • You need Doc Love...simple as that. Buy his book The System. You can thank me later. You can go to his website, and listen to audio clips of him giving advice etc. Listen to his weekly radio show every Thursday, before you buy the book. It changed my life.

    • Cool, thanks! I may have heard of it. Been checking out all kinds of ebooks on dating, flirting, picking up women, etc, bought a few, may buy more. Heard of "The Game", and others. But just haven't REALLY delved into it all yet. HOPEFULLY it'll all help, I could def use the tips and help! But, OK, thanks I'll check that out. How did it help you? How were you before "The System"? What changed? How are you with women, yourself, life, now?

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    • Ha ha..likewise!