Can a guy be too good to date? Is it a bad thing to be good?

I'm not trying to toot my own horn but can a guy be too good to date? I will start by saying that I'm far from the most attractive guy in the world but the way in which I carry myself and live my life is one that should appeal greatly to a girl that is serious about relationships and knows what she's doing and isn't trying to make an immature douche bag her husband, figuratively speaking.

Pardon my rashness but I can't stand it much longer. Girls don't even seem to get it. Back on topic, I am confident that I am going somewhere in life and I present myself well and have a broad sense of humor that appeals to many kinds of people young and old.

Girls my age, since high school, have always acted strange around me, inviting me out but never actually talking to me despite my efforts, never tagging me in photos afterward, flirting but never actually going on dates when asked even after saying yes. Just being weird! It feels like we're friends but we're not, because they never actually are much of a friend to me when it comes down to it.

It's making me angry. Then I talk to older women and they're friendly as can be. Joking, laughing. I don't even know. Maybe most people in their late teens, early 20s just aren't very personable. Everyone seems very cliquey and closed off to others, acting like swagged out tools, even girls, when I have always tried to be open to everyone, nice and above all, not someone that I'm not. Again, pardon my harsh tone, it's just a bit of bitterness coming through.

I just wish people could come through for me for ONCE, when I try my best to be open minded and interested in getting to know others. If I'm trying to do my very best, why would girls ignore me? All while going for guys that aren't even trying in life to be something greater, to live to their fullest, to live a healthier life, because I don't even want to get started about how often perfectly attractive, beautiful girls go on to date smokers, drug users, and stoners.

It's just bulls***. I'm not like that and frankly don't want to be like that. Sure I have my own problems (such as this) but I'd love to be recognized, hell, even rewarded for going through life the right way, just ONE time. But it's like people don't even process what I say, how I live, they don't understand it and they don't understand how alone I feel everyday.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest, some people are just immature. Some girls don't know what it's like to be friends with a guy so they don't know how to act.
    I've been cyber bullied before. I didn't really realize it was bullying at first, and it really affected the way I thought of myself for a long time. I'm also shy in certain situations and I am also pretty introverted. So I had some trouble making friends in middle school up until mid 8th grade.
    The whole time, I've been hanging out with people I wasn't that comfortable with, and that made me feel lonely and unwanted. I had a pretty bad self esteem.
    ***Find a group of people willing to accept you for who you are.
    Even though I've found a group of close friends, I learned that it doesn't necessarily add more to your schedule. This means that just because I found friends doesn't mean my loneliness improves a lot. Sure, it does, but I barely hang out with my friends. Some are lazy, some aren't. It just depends on the people.
    And those girls who date those douche bags -- those relationships never last, so don't worry about it.
    You got this. Just keep meeting new people and get to know who they really are. You are a precious person.
    It's good to be picky.
    If you don't like how some people are treating you, you can always stop trying to get to know them/stop befriending them.
    It's your life -- you're choices.
    Best of luck!

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What Girls Said 1

  • This may sound so cliche, but keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine. It's easy to be a jerk and attract insecure girls for temporary, unsatisfying relationships, but being a "good guy" is a skill that will get you much more out of life. Just from reading your question, my impression is that it's an age-related problem that will get infinitely better with time... the high school cliques will dissolve, girls will get sick of getting treated like crap by the same d-bags they've been chasing for years, and people in general will grow up and start wanting the same things you do. Also, continuing to meet new people is always a good idea. If you tend to find yourself around the same type of girls and situations and you don't like how it turns out, maybe it's time to expand your horizons... hang out in new places, talk to different kinds of people, make friends that have interests beyond the ones you already have.

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    • Yeah. It's just all really hard.

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    • I get that. It makes sense you would feel that way, and I know it sucks, but focusing too much on the "5 steps back" is *your* choice, not anyone else's. You said so yourself- you have confidence, you're aware of the good things you have to offer, and you don't want to be a bad guy just to get attention. THOSE are things to focus on, rather than the random conversations that you take to be as terrible rejections. Be resilient, and trust that you are ALWAYS in control of how you feel.

    • It's not as black and white as that, it's more just like you get a compliment or someone gives you a reason to believe what you're doing is the right thing, then they start acting dumb and confusing around you and it's not being able to make sense of that is what throws you off. Like what's keeping them from being personable when they JUST gave me a reason to talk to them? It's things like that. It's stuff I start to think about and wonder about and can't stop because I want to know why.

What Guys Said 1

  • It is clear to me that you are doing something wrong and you don't know it.

    Just like a house cat that brings home a dead mouse as a gift to the owners. The intention is good. The execution is flawless. Unfortunately it is not what the owners appreciate. So, the cat can either think that its gift is too good for the owners and blame them for being repulsed, or find another gift that is more suitable.

    Which one do you think is more productive?

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