This happens a lot!

So my friend dated this boy who got locked up and put into jail. I guess you could say she ?held him down? and when he got out of prison they dated for a while until they broke up again. My friend likes dating the ?bad boys?. I'm not going to go into much detail but let's just say she shouldn't date people like that but she does anyway.

What I want to ask is this:

If a friend or anybody you know continued to do something that you advised them not to do, would you eventually still advise them or would you forget it and leave it alone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • *Why* are they put in prison? Like, for a start, why. 'Cos, lets have no illusions that the law is universally fair. There are a *lot* of young black boys locked up in US prisons right now who should never even have been questioned. The same has always been for the Catholics in Ireland. There are a disproportional amount of Irish Catholics in prisons and again, we should have no illusions that we are particularly more criminal.

    However. Injustice aside. If she really does get with Bad Dudes, and not just dudes who fall before the hegemony, then... I mean, what's going wrong here, other than the fact that they break up? Is it just that she dates them serially? That isn't necessarily a problem, really. But, if you're alluding to something much worse, well...

    The girl I know next door is like that, I guess. She's getting with "bad boys" and they are bad to her and it hurts her a lot and she gets rid of them eventually and she then gets back with someone similar. And, I'd love to see her get with someone real nice, but... I mean, what can I say to you, here? Like, listen. I've been with guys. And I've known guys, and I've known guys who are with girls, and sh*t. And lets talk about this: I have *never* met a dude who is good to his partner. Never. Ever. Not in my whole life.

    So, what can I say, really? I wanted to say, 'Just because they go to prison does not mean they are Bad Guys', but honestly, by the virtue that they are guys they are probably Bad Guys. And what are you to do for her? Turn her lez might be your best option, heh heh. At least, just be there for her. When guys treat her badly be there for her. They will. And, if you like guys, they will treat you badly, too - and they probably always have. And it is not HER who 'gets treated badly' because of the boys she gets with, it is not that she seeks a particular brand of man and this is her downfall, it is not that whatever abuse is incurred on her is a result of the choices she makes. This is something that Men, as a whole, do to her. If they are bad to her a lot, it does not speak to *her* character, but the character of Men!

    So, by virtue of being straight she is cursed to deal with men. Encourage her, comfort her, support her, indefinitely. Don't force her to change her lifestyle. Don't put this on *her*. This ain't about her and that's not what she needs. Think of it like there's nothing she can do, she is cursed. And support her like you'd support a dying friend.

    Or, whatever. Good luck.

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    • Thank you...I do like guys, but she's been told before from me, and our other friends, that this isn't the lifestyle for her..that she should choose other guys. Trust me I know my friend, the thug thug kind is her type. As with your answer, you need details and I'm not giving those because they are too personal.

    • Alright. Well, I'm sorry if I've assumed anything, or anything. I'm certain you know better of this than me, etc. I wouldn't expect you to give details.

    • Its fine really...you have helped me to the best of your ability

What Guys Said 11

  • I would probably eventually stop unless it got bad enough to start depressing them and bringing them down, or they asked my opinion then I would give them my opinion.

    Often this is a lesson that a person must learn themselves! What you want isn't always best for you!

    She has to learn for herself that these kind of people are no good and will only drag you down with them. Or it will take someone who has a way with words to convince her that bad boys are no good.

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  • At some point, when words fall upon deaf ears continuously, just give it up and move on. Best to leave that person because their misery becomes contagious. Few things worse than one person's troubles bringing down the house upon multiple heads.

    I understand you completely. I sold my "Nice Guy Right Here" neon sign because too many women think nice guys are "too nice" and prefer a**holes instead. From that day, I have led a less stressful life since.

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  • You can only offer your advise and whether or not they follow it is their choice. I don't necessarily stop giving the advice - I just stop caring about the person's well-being. If they won't listen, it's their problem.

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  • Get rid of the friend. She will bring you down. There is one thing about bad boys who go to jail, they are missing an important element in there thinking. Your friend loves the way they think which means you will someday either give in and become a bad girl or a victim.

    Good luck,

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  • People usually know what is right or wrong. And what is good for them and what is not. The problem is not knowing. The problem is them ignoring this knowing.

    You will most likely just tell this person what she already knows but choose to ignore. It's up to her to stop ignoring what is good for her.

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  • To a certain point I realized I'm being tuned out and stop wasting my time advising him /her.

    Most females are attracted to the masculine personality/behaviorial traits, charms and the good looks of the "bad boy"...not to the fact of him being "bad".

    These females simply accept the "bad" a side effect and tradeoff for all of the other traits listed above.

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  • change comes from with-in

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  • i tell people things for a while, let them f*** up, and say I told you so. not to be mean, but so they can learn from their mistake.

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  • I try to stay away from people who make the same poor decisions over and over again. I don't want to be there when they get into real trouble.

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  • Well to each their own but your friend is not in a position to complain 24-7 because of her guys behavior. She chooses that type. There are no victiums. Maybe she has low self esteem?

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  • Eventually, not only would I leave it alone, I'd find some better people to hang out with. If you're associated with thugs and criminals, not a whole lot of good will come into your life. There are MILLIONS of people out there. Most of them are good people who you can learn from and who care about their friends and themselves and people in general. Go hang out with those folks and leave behind the criminals and those who would prefer to be in their company.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would just stop trying to change her. She likes thugs so let her continue on with that. If she ASKS for advice, give her advice relative to her situation but don't try to be her mom

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