So my friend dated this boy who got locked up and put into jail. I guess you could say she ?held him down? and when he got out of prison they dated for a while until they broke up again. My friend likes dating the ?bad boys?. I'm not going to go into much detail but let's just say she shouldn't date people like that but she does anyway.
What I want to ask is this:
If a friend or anybody you know continued to do something that you advised them not to do, would you eventually still advise them or would you forget it and leave it alone?
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*Why* are they put in prison? Like, for a start, why. 'Cos, lets have no illusions that the law is universally fair. There are a *lot* of young black boys locked up in US prisons right now who should never even have been questioned. The same has always been for the Catholics in Ireland. There are a disproportional amount of Irish Catholics in prisons and again, we should have no illusions that we are particularly more criminal.
However. Injustice aside. If she really does get with Bad Dudes, and not just dudes who fall before the hegemony, then... I mean, what's going wrong here, other than the fact that they break up? Is it just that she dates them serially? That isn't necessarily a problem, really. But, if you're alluding to something much worse, well...
The girl I know next door is like that, I guess. She's getting with "bad boys" and they are bad to her and it hurts her a lot and she gets rid of them eventually and she then gets back with someone similar. And, I'd love to see her get with someone real nice, but... I mean, what can I say to you, here? Like, listen. I've been with guys. And I've known guys, and I've known guys who are with girls, and sh*t. And lets talk about this: I have *never* met a dude who is good to his partner. Never. Ever. Not in my whole life.
So, what can I say, really? I wanted to say, 'Just because they go to prison does not mean they are Bad Guys', but honestly, by the virtue that they are guys they are probably Bad Guys. And what are you to do for her? Turn her lez might be your best option, heh heh. At least, just be there for her. When guys treat her badly be there for her. They will. And, if you like guys, they will treat you badly, too - and they probably always have. And it is not HER who 'gets treated badly' because of the boys she gets with, it is not that she seeks a particular brand of man and this is her downfall, it is not that whatever abuse is incurred on her is a result of the choices she makes. This is something that Men, as a whole, do to her. If they are bad to her a lot, it does not speak to *her* character, but the character of Men!
So, by virtue of being straight she is cursed to deal with men. Encourage her, comfort her, support her, indefinitely. Don't force her to change her lifestyle. Don't put this on *her*. This ain't about her and that's not what she needs. Think of it like there's nothing she can do, she is cursed. And support her like you'd support a dying friend.
Or, whatever. Good luck.1