I know I'm going to catch flack for this, but, after being burned and cheated on in all my relationships from being too easy to get and not setting myself up as a "prize" in the guy's eyes by being somewhat unavailable and hard to get, I've begun to implement it as a strategy in my dating life.
I, a very old-souled 21 year old, met a 30-year-old guy on an iPhone app (I know, but I'm careful) that allows you to interact with people around you. It's gotten quite popular lately. We talked, traded photos, and he asked for my number.
Ever since then, we've been playing this game. I never text him first, as I know it devalues you in guys' eyes and makes you easier to get. He always texts me first, but unless the convo is about guns/military/motorcycles/things he likes, I generally get 3-5 word messages. We've both not text each other back. And, he's went two days without initiating a conversation.
This has been rocking on for two-three weeks now. I really think we've both opened up slowly about some things. I can also see why he's single at 30, as he's very young in his ways and obviously doesn't know how, or doesn't want to make the effort to ask me out.
So, my question is: am I just a text buddy? (He generally texts everyday and good morning). Am I just interesting him because I'm not easy to get? Is he just playing hard to get with me? Does he have commitment phobia (he's said he hasn't found anyone to even get close to marrying)? Is he taking it slow? What's his deal?
Most Helpful Guy
First of all, that's such an ego-based interpretation of what's going on around you, and an even more ego-based belief that you can actually get a quality guy (i.e., someone you actually want) to behave a certain way for you.
It's all about negotiating power. You either have it or you don't. You're either a young attractive women, that's educated and financially successful and truly genuinely independent (i.e., not just able to take care of herself at a minimum, but also able to take care of her non-working partner and her children if she needed to). If you have the hard assets, those objectively verifiable goods and value you bring to the table, then you have something to negotiate with. If you don't bring that to the table, if life didn't really deal you a Royal Flush, then by all means - bluff! Use those hard-to-get tactics and pray for the best.
I hate to break it to you, but women are picky, more picky than men are. Their standards are much higher. That being said, good-looking women are not exactly "rare." Yes, they're "uncommon." Given a random population of 100 women (of a sexually acceptable age; no kids no oldies), about less than half of them will actually be sexually attractive. Take the same sample of 100 men, and less than 5% of them will be sexually attractive.
I don't mean guys a girl could see herself having sex with for the rest of her life in light of his vast amounts of wealth and personality. Nope. I mean, take the biggest a**hole and broke-ass man out there, but strap this guy's body and face on him, pump the girl up on sodium pentathol to take away her inhibition or any mental reservations she has, and see where her natural lusts leads her. Does she want him "sexually," or not?
Now, ADD things like personality and wealth into the picture, and a "quality" man is much rarer to find than an attractive woman. So, just based off of rarity, I totally follow the emotional motivation to feel insecure and as if you have nothing you're bringing to the table that even compares with everything this man has to offer you. I totally get the need to bluff and contrive this mystical vague notion that you're somehow "hard-to-get" for some unknown and unexplained reason that's totally at odds with the reality of your average-to-mediocre personal circumstances. But what I don't understand is this irrational belief that a quality man isn't used to dealing with women just like this who pull this routine on him time and time again.
Heck, I'm not some multi-billionaire, but I'm still used to it, and as soon as a girl does that, I can literally feel some "ignore" switch going off in my brain as she almost instantaneously ceases to be a part of my attention or life. So, if you honestly believe you're being clever and that he's not going to automatically and involuntarily put you in that mental dump pile, then by all means, go right ahead and play "hard-to-get" all you want.2