Raised in a conservative home, issues with dating?

Very short summary: my parents are strictly conservative, homeschooled me through high school, and have like, horse and buggy dating ideas.

I kid you not, first time I dated, Freshman year of college, my mom asked how the date went, and didn't like it that the date ended with a hug. Not because that was friendzoning, but because she thought hugging a guy on a first date was a sign of a slutty girl.

And a year later, I was bummed out because that girl had friend zoned me after a short dating try, and I did some online dating, and sort of had a hookup with a girl I met, and my sister sort of figured it out, and told my parents... they threatened to kick me out of the house unless I gave them the girl's address and they went and got some sort of confirmation I didn't do anything with her. Which I barely got out of.

So, it's been two years since I went on a date, and now I just feel nauseous at the thought of asking a girl out. (last semester of college, can't move out yet) Not at all the fault of girls, I could've had five hookups in the last months if I wanted. I've sort of set up hookups or considered asking girls out, but I start feeling anxious and repulsed and nervous and grossed out now and usually just end up ignoring girls who want to talk or try to strike up conversations.

So, anyone else had issues with dating/sex from super conservative parents? Did you ever get over it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Since you don't have much longer, just follow their rules for now. And then you do date. My parents threaten to kick me out every time I do something they don't approve of. And the day I turned around and said “that's fine, I'm packing, good-bye” they changed their tune. Mind you, I have a few bargaining powers that not many get when it comes to their parents. It's a control technique and if you give in and fear their power over you, the more power they have.

    What are they really afraid of? Have you had an honest talk about what their idea of dating is? I live in a conservative community and we do actually have Amish/Mennonites around so when you say horse and buggy ideas about dating, I picture someone who thinks the first date makes you exclusive and there should be wedding bells by the 5th.

    I suggest you think long and hard about what makes you grossed out/anxious about dating and sex. Work on your mindset and don't let it be influenced by your parents. It's not healthy to react like that to the thought of being with a girl. I have no issues when it comes to dating/sex despite coming from a conservative home. Other than that I'm against hooking up and casual.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Awww, I totally sympathize with you. My boyfriend is a senior in college too, and his parents sound just like yours. We've been dating for almost a year and a half, and never so much as kissed in front of them. We can't be up in his room alone (even with the door open!), his curfew is 10 pm...yeah. It's ridiculous. But the good news is, the right girl will want to be with you in spite of all that :) if there is someone you really want to try dating, just let her know up front how crazy your parents are. It'll make things all around easier and less stressful. And while sneaking around can be a pain, just remember that it's very short term...and also it can be fun if you want it to be ;) good luck!

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    • Lmao, thanks. Though the problem isn't whether girls want me, it's my gut reaction to dating now is similar to how most people feel about getting a cavity filled...

    • Aww, but dating is great! Don't let your rents ruin that for you, they'll be out of the picture soon enough.

  • My dad assumes I'll sleep with any guy who wants me which pisses me off. I'm a lot more picky than that and I also respect myself. I would never sleep with a guy that's not a virgin and I would never marry one that's not a virgin. I believe that in the bible, it's a sin to date somebody whose not a virgin.

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  • My parents aren't that conservative, so I can't say I know what it's like. But I do know what it's like to have a mother who watches over you like a hawk, and I can imagine that it's somewhat similar in that sense.

    Anyway. Family is very important, yes, but sometimes enough is enough. You should have the right to lead your own life the way you want to, without having your parents judging your every step (especially when it comes to dating and relationships). Talking it out with them probably won't work, so I think the only thing you can do right now is simply be rebellious. Maybe they'll get used to it, maybe they won't. All I'm saying is that if you really want to be able to date whoever you want and do whatever you want, you have to stop caring about what your parents think. Show them that they can't control you, and that they simply have to get used to it. I'm not saying you should go crazy or anything, just do whatever feels right.

    Also, the fact that you get nauseous at the thought of asking a girl out is kind of a red flag. It might be a sign that your parent's manipulation techniques are working. Try to get out of that mindset. It's okay to be nervous when asking someone out, as long as it's a healthy kind of nervousness that isn't controlled by your parents.

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  • You can't do anything about it, man. Your only hope is moving out. Or just be discreet about it. Liek how the hell did your sister find out?

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  • You haven't got long now I'll advice you to heed them until you move out. To be honest they won't have any power over you because you don't live with them and you're an adult. If you still want to date you could do it in schools or say you're studying with a guy friend and arrange a hookup at his house .

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  • I'm sorry about that. I don't know what that's like

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  • Wow. You need to sit your parents down and say "I know that you guys love me and want the best for me, but I'm an adult now and can make dating decisions on my own"

    There's no way that'd work with me. I'd have been that Hellian child that went out doing bad things all the time. Luckily my parents didn't give a crap about my whereabouts or doings so I was a very good kid. Restrictions like that anger me more than anything.

    You need to realize your parents identity is not yours. You don't have to follow them if you don't want to. Take what they taught you with a grain of salt.

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    • I think is fear is getting kicked out

    • Well he's old enough to move out anyways. No reason to let your parents toss you around with their ideas at that age and if you don't want to stand up then don't complain about it. Heck I moved out at seventeen because I was tired of how I was treated. It can be done

  • The problem here is that your parents are not allowing you to be an individual. They are hindering your personal growth. At some point you will have to stand up to them. Finish college, get a job and move out. I know that's easy for me to say but you will have to distance yourself in order to find out who you are... Good luck!

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  • I had the same problem.

    But see, I recognize that my parents just care a lot, so I sort-of use that against them.

    Basically, my current relationship started online and I kept it a secret for awhile. Then I realized that our relationship was going in a really good direction and was getting more serious, so I told my parents about it, and said that I don't want to hide him from them, but I will not let them know anything about my love life, because it's not their love life (its mine!), if they plan to be judgmental towards him. In about a month, he's going to meet my parents, and my dad has been known to threaten all my past dates...thus I've never had a 2nd date. So I've warned this guy beforehand about my dad, although I am really trying to get my dad not to be like that. I basically told my dad that if he ruins my chances with this guy I will never forgive him.

    Honestly, I had tried everything beforehand. And this has been the only thing to work so far. I did also have a therapist talk to my mother before I went on my first date (I was 19), because they were trying to control everything, and after talking to a therapist, she backed off.

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  • I don't think it would be too much of a hassle. There's lots of girls that are conservative. You just have to look hard like at churches.

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  • No, I've never had to worry about super consverative parents (thank Gawd lol). My parents never hovered because they knew they raised me right so they didn't have to worry about me making poor decisions for myself in the dating department.

    First off...

    You need to realize that aspects of conservatism are outdated. Not only that, but overly conservative people tend to be a pain in the ass to deal with because they are uptight, judgemental, and boring. No offense to your parents, but please DO NOT bring their mindset around girls because that could make even the most attractive guy undesirable!

    You are a grown ass man: your parents need to butt out. What you do is none of their damn business. Same for your sister, tell her to stop being nosey and go get a life of her own to overly criticize. Sheesh. You have got to stop letting your uptight, boring, judgmental family smother your possibilities with women or you'll be 25 with no potential wife candidate or mommy candidate. You will have pushed many great women away.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Yes, though not remotely as bad as you. I've heard of it though.

    Some people get over it, some never do.

    If you are -intellectually- over it, and keep examining what's holding you back, and pushing yourself through, and re-assuring yourself when you feel knee jerk guilt that you don't actually believe you should feel, you will get over it.

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  • Can't say I've ever had that problem.

    Could always try not giving details about your private life to your parents.

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  • I was raised conservative and it's more like I have trouble just getting the attention of females. At least you get dates.

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