I'm in love with my friend. Should I tell him?

A couple days ago, I was hanging out with my guy friend, and he got drunk and acted mildly affectionate with me (cuddling, hand holding, kiss on the cheek). I've liked him for quite a while, but after spending some time in his arms I realize I'm in love with him.

Well... now I don't know what to do! Lol. I'm not sure if I should tell him because he was only affectionate with me after he had a few drinks. He remembers doing it all, but I don't know how he feels about it. And I don't know how much he was in control of his actions... if he knew he was doing it or not.

Anyways he's been a little quiet since then. I think he feels awkward. Part of me thinks maybe he feels the same because he cuddled me in the first place haha. But then I don't know why he's acting so weird.

Should I tell him or what? I want so badly to be with him, but not at the cost of our friendship.

Updates:
Just an update! A couple days ago, he and I sat down and talked about "us." We didn't openly say we had feelings for each other, but we did agree that we're heading down the path towards a relationship. He said he needs more time though, so I'll be patient. Thanks for your help!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should tell him you have feelings for him, yes. Though I don't think you should tell him you "love" him. That might be a bit much to spring on him all at once. But I do think you should tell him. You kinda owe it to yourself.

    But I do think he likes you. I do think he knew what he was doing. I do think he remembers. I do think these are all good signs. I think that if anything, the alcohol just freed what was already there. I think he's felt this way about you for a while, but hasn't had the guts to do anything with it, until that night, after a few drinks, and now, I think he's just worried you might get scared off by what happened, or that maybe you read too far into it, or something. So now he doesn't know what to do about it, or how to talk to you.

    So yes, I think you should tell him, because I think he likes you too. I just wouldn't start with love. I'd save that for a while into the relationship, if it goes there. Love is a little too big a bomb to drop on him right now. When you do tell him you have feelings for him, just tell him you wanted to tel him for a while, and that that night just seems to make it easier. Tell him you're not necessarily looking for anything specific yet, or trying to pressure him, but you wanted to tell him about it, so you can be honest about your feelings. Tell him you think he might feel the same way, and if he does, you can talk it out, if he wants. But in the meantime, make sure he knows, there's no pressure.

    If you can do all that, I say do it. Most importantly, if he doesn't feel the same way, a good idea is to just take it, not ask "why not" and not get weird about it. If you can take a rejection (assuming there even is one, there might not be) and just say, "Well alright. Fair enough" and continue on with your day, and live it like nothing happened, with no awkwardness, things WILL eventually go back to normal. Most often, if you both can keep treating things as normal, they won't get weird. So don't let it get weird.

    Still, I think you should probably talk to him about this, really soon. The longer you sit on this, the more it will build up into a big ball of wibblew-wobbly, neurotic energy that might get too big for you both to breathe. So the sooner you handle this, the less awkward this will get, and more likely you can get good or at least neutral results from this whole situation.

    So yeah, you should tell him. More importantly you should tell him as close to now as possible. Just don't tell him you "love" him yet. Tell him you like him. Tell him you have strong feelings for him. Save love for later.

    Good luck.

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    • Great advice. Thanks!

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    • That's probably best.

    • Well, yeah, if he needs more time, there's not a whole hell of a lot you can do about that, unfortunately. Basically all you can do is wait. Though, I'm pretty sure you know that. Oh well. So for now, keep it all to yourself, and maybe work on letting some of it out when things start heating up, or something. Anyway, too bad it's not going just as planned, but this could be worse, I suppose.

      Best of luck to you.

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