Ladies, would you be OK with the guy you're dating spending time with his ex-gf's kids?

So you've started dating this guy. And it comes to light that he sees his ex-gf from time to time. But only when she has her kids, so he can spend time with them, as the kids love him and he loves the kids. However, you've never met the ex-gf and aren't quite sure how she and he are around each other.

Would you be okay with this? Why or why not? Would you want more details about the situation before deciding if you were okay with this?

Updates:
Should've added a poll (and fixed title)... dang no edit feature.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If it was so he could spend time with them, I would hope he would be a man and not abandon them just because they're not together (depending on how close he was with them, their relationship, etc.). I would also hope that I would be able to trust him enough to not want to be with her again, or that he would tell me he still had feelings for her. So, I would be perfectly okay with him being around the children.

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    • abandoning the kids because he isn't with her anymore? really? that's a peril of of having children and dating. your kids get attached, so they learn not to. guys try not to get attached to the kids, because it hurts. now, say he does go spend time with her kids, and a suitor comes over and sees him. what is he going to think? being that he wants to hang with the kids says that mommy broke it off. maybe mommy is using the kids to get him back?

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    • Oh, okay! :)

    • Thanks for the BA. :)

What Girls Said 4

  • I wouldn't be okay with it, ESPECIALLY if I had never met the ex. Perhaps if we all hung out a few times and I got to know her then things would be fine. Unless she was acting inappropriately (ex: saying things like "Hey remember when..."). But honestly that's a weird situation and probably weird for the kids too...

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  • ...are you bleeping serious? lol, most females truthfully are not going to be okay with that even if they pretend to be just for the sake of being 'cool' about it.

    You are not those children's father. You have no obligation or responsibility to be around them and their mother for extended periods of timing, playing daddy. Single mothers instinctively want a father for their children. It's natural; they can't help it. If they are good moms, they want their child to experience the love and care of a father. So when they see a guy that their kids like a lot and really get a long with, it is so easy for them to look at him seriously. Because it's attractive and it's really difficult for them to find a guy who can do that. So you've got these two factors and the fact that you used to f*** her. Do you honestly believe women are going to be perfectly comfortable with that? You are essentially replacing the daddy/possible husband/boyfriend role in these kids lives. Seems a bit inappropriate.

    I wouldn't be okay with it because ...

    1.) It would be annoying that I'm dating someone who is constantly spending his time playing daddy role with children that aren't even his. Yes, it's selfish, but I'm not looking to date with children involved; it's too much for me at the point in my life. So I would get aggravated that we could be spending time together or doing fun things with each other and plans will probably always be altered or cancelled so he can be around these kids and his ex as well.

    2.) Generally, no female wants her man around some girl he used to f***. You two used to be intimate in different ways, you had an emotional bond and connection. How do you think it would make me feel to be trying to build all of that with you and you are always around someone you kinda already have that with?

    3.) I don't know how the relatonship ended, but females are scandalous and I wouldn't put it past your ex to try and get you to be with her again.

    Seems like drama. I'd be turned off and probably stop dating you.

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    • QA, to sum it up: You are playing an active role of a FAMILY UNIT and I think you need to be realistic about how uncomfortable and frustating that would be for a female who is trying to date you and build something with you.

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    • lol, clearly I didn't expect them to "perfectly okay" with the situation. That's kind of the point of asking the question, no?

      What did surprise me was the lack of any kind of further questioning or understanding of the situation, except for by one user. The jumping to conclusions and generalizations is really disappointing.

      But again, I suppose that's the answer to my question - most girls jump to conclusions and make hasty generalizations. And I lack logic...*sigh*.

    • Perhaps there may have been a lack of further quesitoning or understanding, but I still stand firm by my opinion. I know how females operate and while you think you are being innocent, the odds that the mother is just looking for a friend to hang around her kids are highly slim.

  • Are you serious? Kids love him cool but he's not the father of the kids so why?

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  • In all honesty, it would really annoy me and I might be a little threatened deep down that he and the kid's mothers might get back together.

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What Guys Said 1

  • dude, really? isn't that how old romances rekindle?

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    • Not sure. You should do a study and find out.

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    • that's one. but she also said no for the same reasons.

    • QA, it's not about being insecure, it's about being REALISTIC. If it was an insecurity, then some guy wouldn't be here right now agreeing with me.

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