Is it wrong of me to refuse to date obese women?

As my name suggests I'm not able to get a date. In the last 3 months the 600+ women I approached/messaged in an attempt to get a date with them all rejected me.

A lot of people (online, not people I know) say I must have too high standards and should lower them if I want to get a date. However the only women I don't go for are obese women. We aren't talking a bit overweight, we are talking UK size 18 and above.

Is it unfair of me to complain about not getting a date when saying I wouldn't date these women?

I should add that I don't know whether these obese women would date me, its very possible that they wouldn't anyway.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nothing wrong with that, You should date who you're attracted to. You've got to realize that most dating sites are over-run with men and have very few women. Women receive hundreds of messages a week. They just have to pick the best guy out of them. So you never get classified as the best. That's a reasonable outcome for even any above-average guy.

    Try focusing on meeting women in real life. There are too many guys online and the reality is women are more reluctant to go online. It's more likely for a woman to be considered desperate for trying online dating whereas guys can just claim their looking for sex. So guys have resorted to only approaching women online and women are sitting around in the real world wondering why no guy ever approaches her. I know we could always approach guys ourselves but we don't really have to. Eventually someone will come along who's brave enough to do it old school. I'm not saying it should be this way but it is.

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    • @I'm not saying it should be this way but it is.

      "It" isn't this way. _you_ are. plenty of women approach guys. and you have no way of telling it won't increase in the future. acting like its an inevitability of life is rediculous.

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    • I think the sample size is big enough to say whatever you're doing now isn't effective. Rethink your methods, your awareness of good/bad timing, your style, everything. Something has to be really off. Try to make yourself the best version of you.

    • My face is quite off so I'm always going to have a low success rate. I get a decent amount of numbers... more than 50 in the last 3 months. Just no dates. Ever.

What Girls Said 21

  • If you are being rejected by 600+ in 3 months I would say it probably has more to do with your approach than, them all being out of your league... I mean how do you even find 600+ women who are all out of your league in 3 months?

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    • That'd be more than 60 a day!

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    • I never asked the question 'What am I doing wrong with women?' since I already feel I know the answer to that and I realize that people who have never met me aren't going to be able to tell me what needs to change. You decided to answer a question I never asked, so don't blame me for that.

      I don't even know what you mean by target market. If you mean I should hit on the girls who are already interested in me you are striking on the fundamental problem, there are none.

    • *smh* fine have it your way but I can gauruntee this new idea of yours isn't going to work...

  • There is nothing wrong with them when people get into relationships and have babies women are going to put on some weight anyway because they are so busy and so are you at some point the busyness of life prevents us from properly looking after our health and especially right now nobody has the women to pay for bills, rent and food and workout at the same time unless they save up for a treadmill and some weight to use at home but generally food has a lot of calories in them these days so it's hard. If one day you settle down with a girl and she puts weight on when having your kids are you going to walk away from us just because she put weight on?, this view isn't really going to work for you because then how will you explain to her that you don't like she has put weight on she is honestly going to get really upset, offended and angry at you.

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    • nobody has the money I mean

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    • You just have no clue... lol most women DO put on weight when pregnant because they are in-taking more calories due to the fact there is 2 people in one body, wait and see what every females reaction will be when you stay calling her about her weight then you will be lol.

    • then you will realize where you will be*

  • not really, but never say never. that person that may make you smile could be obese or overweight. But you got to look at it like this, maybe this obese person is trying to get those abs you have, but doesn't have that special someone (you) to push. Sometimes love comes in many shapes and sizes. So, don't feel bad that you're not attractive to them, just don't be shallow. Just look at ALL the reason why you are attracted and unattracted to them. But don't force attraction where it isn't naturally. If you're not attracted to them, oh well, move on.

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  • You don't have to date them but refrain from saying bad things about them. Fat people have enough hurdles to go through without having people talk about them as well.

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    • Why am I not allowed to talk about them? I don't feel this question is derogatory towards them at all.

  • Look, you either date what you can get or you don't date. It's not wrong of you to refuse to date obese women, but having standards that are too high and then complaining when the women that you want don't want to date you is wrong and also really annoying.

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    • As I said I do not know whether they would date me. I've never tried to date them as they are not attractive to me.

      I also don't recall laying any blame on the women who do not want to date me but whatever.

  • It's not unfair for you to not date them. We all have preferences, and just because you may not be the most attractive guy (not saying you are, just considering what you think about yourself), you shouldn't have to go for people you don't like. It's not like ugly people are suddenly going to be attracted to ugly people (not saying all fat women are ugly) or vice versa. It's not fair to yourself to date somebody you don't find appealing, and it's not fair to the women to be with somebody who doesn't find her completely beautiful.

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  • No, it's not wrong. Being ugly has nothing to do with being fat. Ugly is by nature, and there is only so much you can do about that. However, being fat is mostly by choice. If they are careless of how they look then they shouldn't complain about people like you who refuse to date people like them.

    Sometimes people need to lower their standards if they get to desperate measures and nothing gives, but that's last resort. You could either try to improve yourself in all ways possible in order to keep your standard of dating the way it is or be more acceptable to what you normally wouldn't accept. Sometimes have a great body cancels out an ugly face, so being very fit and having a very strict diet would be a possible solution, as a permanent lifestyle! not just while you get what you want. :]!

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    • I already work out and follow a strict diet. Why does everyone think this cures an ugly face? It really doesn't.

    • NO it doesn't ALWAYS help, but it's an attempt!

      People with an ugly face AND an ugly body have very slim chances to finding a partner, irrelevant to how nice their personality is. That's why I said SOMETIMES, but I guess you can't read correctly or have some problem comprehending things.

  • Stop wondering about the women and start asking what about you that over 600 women don't like? Your friends should be able to help but no one wants to be mean and point out someone's faults.

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    • I have recessed, asymmetrical jaws and a big nose. I could get these fixed but its going to cost 30k and possible complications could include death. So its not an easy fix.

  • Some people will see it as discriminatory but to be honest it's your life only you have the right to choose what to do with it, decide who to date and reject. No one can stop you from living it the way you want. Ignore what other people think. If they object that much ask them why they don't date these women and you will too after them.

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  • I could say that when it comes to obesity on occasion there can be a small barrier in likes and hobbies. Plus I would think that if there is no attraction at all it could be hard to get the relationship to begin. This again all depends on yourself. Say you yourself are closer to an obese man saying I don't date obese women, it might not be looked at a little differently.

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    • I'm not obese, I have visible abs.

    • Ok, then to me I know I am an active person so therefore like to be able to go hiking, swimming, zip lining, sky diving, what ever strikes me, so might find it hard to be with someone who might not like or be able to do these things, a barrier to get closer, on that part I could see some obstacles.

  • Well, I'd say, it's not wrong to make such standarts, as it was the way you describe your ideal woman, that you might spend the rest of your life with. Besides, standarts that you set is not going go stay there forever. The more you observe women, the more standarts you will set for them. And tell you what, when you happen to meet a special woman (who is far from your standart), and she attracted you in so many ways that have never crossed your mind, you will just forget your previous standarts, and just set her as your new standarts. Just chill out, be positive, be patient, never loose hope, as good things are worth waiting for :)

    And please keep in mind that you will always be the best for the ones who deserves you. Means, none of those 600+ women would bring you long term happiness.

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  • In real life? No its not wrong but here on gag yes its illegal.

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  • No, I don't think it is. My first reaction would be that you are wrong, but to be honest, I wouldn't date obese men either. So I can't blame you. No matter how much we say personality matters, it can't compensate for everything.

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    • Personality matters but so does attraction. Nobody wants to date someone they think is ugly, nobody wants to date someone they hate.

    • Attraction physically DEFINITELY matters...I don't get why so many people don't admit this! :-P

  • As long as you are not aiming for women who are under a size 2!

    But anyways.. yeah it's fine not a lot of people like obese men/women in general you can;t help what you attracted too.

    And jeez chill out on the pity stuff it's depressing, it's all in your head.

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    • Its not in my head. More than 600 genuine real life women did not want to date me. Its very much part of reality.

  • Don't ever lower your standards for anybody. That girl is out there for you. Don't give up. I would say to try and be more open to the possibility of them. Looks are not the only important thing.

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    • If only women beleived that last sentence you typed.

    • "Don't lower your standards for anybody" but "be more open...looks are not the only important thing."

      ...

    • That's what I believe. I can't speak for all women though. Standards are not really looks in my opinion. They're values and traits you want in a person. So you can still hold your standards and be more open

  • No because you have to be attracted to that person enough to kiss,make out, have sex, etc.

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  • Your not confident girls like confidence. I suggest Thaddeus petersmitch don't know how to spell his name. Look up lolitsthad on YouTube and watch his cofidence series! link watch eps 1-7

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    • Omg oops sowwie wrong question omg I selected the wrong question ahhh I'm so srry don't read that ahhh sowwie good lord I'm blind

  • As long as you aren't obese.

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  • Don't date. Masterbate.

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  • everyone has standards. I wouldn't want you to date someone you didn't like just to have a date. that's punishing yourself and not fair to the other person. HOWEVER, if people are telling you to date obese women if you want to have a shot at a date, then that should tell you something about your own sexual market value. you should work on your appearances so you can become a good looking guy so you have better options.

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    • Work on my appearance? How? I can't fix my jaws or nose without extensive and expensive plastic surgery. Also can't do much about my height, which is also below average.

    • You can work out so you can have a body that women find sexy, get a good haircut (hair is important) and dress cool. Make sure you wear nice cologne and always smell good

    • Getting a great body is relient on steroid usage for most males, I have an above average body but I can't acheive much more naturally. I can't do much with my hair as I have a receeding hairline. Smelling good doesn't make an ugly guy hot. Thanks anyway.

  • You're entitled to want to date whoever you want. Within reason, of course. You're probably not going to bag Miss Universe or anything, but hey.

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What Guys Said 7

  • You can have whatever standards you want, as long as you don't whine and moan if you don't get that girl you want or find it difficult to find. In terms of standards I say that people you should strive for partner on their level. There is no need to go above and beyond or to settle for less

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    • How do you work out what your level is?

      I'm not obese so surely I shouldn't be on their level?

      Why does it invalidate me being unhappy that I can't get a date?

  • Well the numbers speak for themselves. If 600 women turned you down in the last 3 months, you don't have too high standards, you are completely unrealistic in the way you approach them. That means 6.5 per day. I mean, are you serious ?

    I'm not particularly a greek statue, and in the last 3 months, I approached 3 women, and got 3 dates. This didn't lead anywhere more serious, but the idea, is that you are trying far too hard.

    And what's the problem with fat girls ? They are often cuter inside than top models.I dated one for a long period, she was the most sane partner I ever had.

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    • What's wrong with fat girls? No self control or self respect. Added to the fact I don't find them attractive at all. I may as well date men if I'm going for people I'm not attracted to.

      The thing is I haven't been on a date in about 8 months and I've only been mass approaching for the last few months, trying harder gets me more numbers and the same amount of dates, none lol.

    • yopyopyop is wise. QA is not.

    • @cheesesteak7 Well that's some really useful input. Thanks so much. Now f*** off.

  • IMO I don't think your requirements for wanting a female smaller than a UK size 18. I don't think that's asking alot, as long as you aren't obese yourself.

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    • Not even close, if anything I'm slightly underweight.

    • Then IMO your standards are just fine, dude...although in America having that requirements cuts ~1/3 of your dating pool out.

    • I'm in the UK but its much the same here aha

  • No that's fine, it is totally reasonable to want someone who takes care of them self.

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  • You are entitled to date who you want.

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  • No, of course not. You've the right to refuse to date whomever you choose.

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  • People should date other people who have the same body type.

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