Am 21 dating a 39 years old man. How can I know he's truly a good guy?

I went out on a date with a 39 years old guy, his absolutely

Beautiful, such a good looking guy he looks like his 33 34

Am 21, the date went great! I got tipsy and he didn't try

To take advantage of that at all, when other men my age have.

Question is, how can I know his truly a good guy and not

An ads hole whos looking to have sex ?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I can tell you my experience with something similar. I dated a woman that was almost ten years younger than me. At first I thought she was only about three or four years younger (she thought I was only about 4 or 5 years older) but then after we had started going out on dates she gave me her ID to set up some insurance for a trip we were going on and we figured out that there was a huge age difference. Granted not as much as you guys but still I had never dated anyone that young before. The thing was everything was going great before and after no difference. She was a bit more mature than I would have expected and you could say that I don't really hang out much with my age group and I guess we some how meat in the middle.

    I can honestly tell you that I was in love with this girl and I was really happy because we connected really well. Yes of course I was madly attracted to her and sleeping with her was also on my mind a lot but it wasn't just that I really had fun with her and had a warm and fuzzy feeling when I was with her.

    After we found out about our age difference things didn't actually change. I mean I felt really great that I was able to attract a beautiful woman like that and that much younger I couldn't imagine why and from what we discussed she was really happy spending time with me because I was fun and more mature than her age group and still great company so she had fun too. And as for the sex I can tell you that it was great I felt like a teenager again and she said that she hand had sex like that ever and she felt great.

    If it wasn't for my own problems and stupidity with screwing up everything we'd probably still be dating.

    So I say if you're worried try to find out or at least talk to him about your concerns. You need to know that things might not work out but still in either case you might be missing out on a good relationship and like someone else has already stated would it make a difference if you slept with someone younger and then didn't have a relationship. So see where it goes and if it doesn't work figure out what went wrong and don't bother too much about it and remember you had fun while it lasted and a new experience.

    Good luck :-)

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    • Nicee thanks for sharing your story... may I ask how old were you and how long was she ?

    • I was 30 and she was 20. We were together a couple of months but I somehow managed to screw it up and drive her away. Too bad because she was the best thing to happen to me in a really long time.

      As long as we're on the subject I went out with a nice girl a couple of days ago who was also in her early twenties and it was great. And a few days later I went out with one that's a couple of year older than me so nobody get's any weird ideas. :-)

What Guys Said 12

  • Lets start by the obvious.

    Men love and want sex. And they want it with hot and young women . This applies for all men . from puberty till the day they die. It is simply biological. You will get men who are 60 hitting on you and you will get men who are 18 hitting on you . These are FACTS ... and it is based on their biology. And it is not illegal either. If it was that bad.. it would have been a crime.

    The problem.. is when ''women'' don't make a risk assessment. With every relationship one goes into there is a risk . When you date the hot bad boy there is a risk that you have stiff competition for him , or that he will cheat. When you marry the nice guy, there is a risk that he will bore you and you will loose attraction. When you date ANY GUY.. there is a risk he is after you for sex . Are you emotionally strong to take the setback... ? if this 39 year old leaves you tomorrow after sleeping with you ... will you feel worse than if it was a 24 year old ? Both were after sex and left you afterwards...

    The risk in your situation is that you don't have much in common. Mainly in an intellectual way . That you want different things. So how to know ?

    1- Never get drunk or tipsy.

    2- Ask him.. what makes him interested in you and what is he looking after? ( don't be scared that this question will drive him away ... fear of abandonment makes many girls fall into being used).

    3- What sort of discussions does he have with you .. does he care about your career ? health ?

    4- Is he ready to meet your friends or family ? if he is serious he will know he has to do that eventually . He will know he has to face the age gap questions and stares etc.. Does he want you to meet his family and friends?

    5- he is 18 years older.. meaning that he might have health problems that affect his sexual abilities when you are 45 ... ( peak of your sexual health ) are you ready for that ?

    6- How does he treat his relatives? his family ? what types of friends he have .. are they educated or trash ? does he have a bad reputation in any way ? what does he work ? what types of books does he read ? does he have any hobbies ? Basically.. is he a sophisticated man or is he just older? Does he take care of his body and hygiene? do any sports ?

    7- What does he look for in a woman ? is it any body who is young ?

    8- How long is he ready to wait to have sex? Test him... don't have sex for 6 months.. is he gonna wait ? is he gonna keep being interested same as day one? or will he look upset and rarely call ? during this time he is being tested, you will see if he is loyal .. or if he couldn't hold it and tried to lure someone else... one rule you should always have .. players don't have dedicated patience.

    I would say that people who use others , do that without regard to age. Players could be 16 year old to 70 year olds.. I wanted to get married when I was 18 years old.. and I never changed really.

    Steer him Titi !

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  • Older guys know how naive younger women can be. It's easy to get one. Just let her keep rambling and "opening up" and eventually you feel so head over heels for him and he just keeps screwing. It's real easy.

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    • I would tend to agree with the gentleman here.

    • Not necessarily !

    • It's honestly true. Not all girls fall for it but many girls are guilty of getting overly chatty and feeling close to the guy so much without the guy even saying anything. It's because the girl can talk to him about anything and feel like he is a good guy when he is just honestly listening to her problems which makes her feel close to him.

  • He's 39. He knows how to be a gentleman enough to get a woman he wants. It's called experience. It doesn't reveal his intentions however. He could be a genuinely nice guy who wants you for you or he could just be a savvy gentleman who wants you for sex, but knows how to be just that - a gentleman.

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  • Of course he's looking to have sex. The question is whether he's only looking to have sex, or actually have a relationship.

    TBH, I'd guess most guys just looking to hook up would have at least initiated to the point of a 'slow down' from you, but who knows.

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  • 1. The only way to know is a track record of his actions - do they show that he cares for other people or is it just about himself.

    2. Stop getting tipsy on 1st dates. This would be enough for me to never see you again - I hope he's kinder.

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  • if they asking you or pushing you to do sex,that's mean maybe he looking to have sex with young girl,Depending on his words and actions I think.most guys they want to do sex with girl~

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  • Being an a**hole is hardly older age exclusive. Have fun and things will go from there.

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  • I don't know how you can even relate to somebody that is almost 20 years older than you. Such a weird thing to comprehend. I could never have a relationship with a woman so much older than me I would feel like a little kid being driven around by mommy. How are you going to feel bringing him home for holidays when he could be the same age as you parents or uncles and aunts. These huge age difference relationships make me want to barf.

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  • If your definition of an a**hole is a guy who is looking for sex, you found one. There is no question that a 39 year old guy dating a 21 year old woman is looking for sex. None.

    But I think your definition is unfair. There are plenty of women your age who would be thrilled to spend some quality time with a "beautiful" 39 year old guy. If he knew your definition of "a**hole" he would probably tell you to f*** off.

    If your expectations are realistic you might have a great time with this guy. If you're looking for a "truly a good guy" who isn't looking to have sex with you, you're being naive and need to look elsewhere.

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  • just wait

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  • Me being a guy, I hope this is not me when I am older, sorry but age matters to me

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    • I say the same thing. It's disturbing.

    • Yeah even though we can't really fight our evolution instincts

  • Well he has life experience that you don't have, and he's in a different stage in his life too. He can easily mask his true self and dupe you. I know this because I have a friend who is a girl who is dating someone 17 years older than her. He lured her in, gave her attention, listened to her, drove her around, and now he's going to try to marry her so he can have long term sex with her. I've known the guy for 2 years and he said it's cheaper and effective to give the girl attention and take her out to get sex than to pay prostitutes for a weekly bang. He's taken advantage of her naivety, and he's a villain dressed in the attire of a gentleman.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow from my perspective that's kinda creepy. You do realize he was graduating high school when you were born right?

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    • Yes I do... but I promise he looks like his 33

      And he doesn't give me the vibe that his an ass hole! I have been

      With a lot of men my age most of them are idiots who does know

      What they want, and all they think about is sex.

    • Show All
    • Really what does looks have to do with it? I mean if you want to be with a guy that apparently likes to bang chicks that are young enough to be his daughter then go ahead. But when he takes advantage of your naivete compared to what non existent life experience you have do not get mad.

    • All he has to do is wait for the QA to be in a moment of vulnerability then take out all her negative feelings on her and then feel "close" to him. After that, it's tons of sex.

  • you can tell a lot about a person as you go out more dates on him. If he's going to make a move on you after a few dates.. then I'm sure you'll know what he's like after that.

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