How do I know when to let up on the cold shoulder with my ex if I want to reconcile?

I really want to reconcile with my ex, but a few days ago, he gave me another run-around line of not wanting to force a relationship. He and I have been reconnecting a lot in the past few weeks, talking or messaging each other at least once a day. Nothing sexual, but we do get very affectionate when we hang out together (which was happening about once a week), and we would talk about important emotional things and things we have been improving about ourselves, He even went so far as to try and apologize for how he behaved towards the end of our relationship, which was when I asked why he didn't want to try again now that we were improving ourselves.

Anyway, when he gave me that response, I just stopped texting him back, and I think it made him panic, because then he was suddenly messaging me via text and FB, asking to talk things out over lunch, insisting he wanted the best for me, wanting to see what we were and where we were going in the future. I ignored most of those or took a very long time to reply. He did it again a few days ago, sending a bunch of messages all at once, at first trying to start a casual conversation with some compliments, and then saying that I should never doubt he misses me, while also saying via FB that he wanted to understand how to be happy. All these messages I either took a long time to answer (sometimes days) or didn't answer at all. I have decided that he already knows how I feel and anything I say to him should be very well thought out.

My question is how do I know when I should maybe start being a little less distant. I want to talk things out with him, but really only if he means to resolve it. I don't want to have a discussion full of things just to placate me. Should I worry if he doesn't respond right away? Should I maybe answer some of the messages I left unanswered? Or is it just going to make him stop caring because he tried to send those other messages and I haven't taken the bait? I don't want to be accusatory towards him and I don't want to keep making it so easy. But I also don't want to shoot myself in the foot!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I can't speak for him, but when people ignore me, I move on...

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