Dating someone who has a fetish for your race?

How do you feel about that? Do you think they view you as a piece of meat? Do you think they like you for who you are, or is their fetish doin all the talkin? :D

Admittedly I'm pretty bias here. I have a bit of a fetish for a particular race.. but I still wouldn't date her unless she was what I look for in a girl. But girls who had a fetish for mine, I just feel like a piece of meat lol. :\ This girl once told me how she loves BBC and it totally turned me off lmao. -__-

How have your situations been? :D


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Most Helpful Girl

  • mmmm. Like, yeah. This is a real, actual problem. I mean, I think it's okay *in theory* to a have a fetish for a particular race. You can have a fetish for anything, my mentor knows a guy who has a fetish for red shoes. Not like, a woman wearing red shoes, just red shoes. He'll be walking down the street and see a pair of red shoes and just go 'hnnnnnghhhhh'

    But. What is it that arouses them about that race? It's not easy to enter into that without treading on that territory of (the little-used expression) 'race essentialism'. What is that? I'll hoke out a definition, 'cos it's difficult... "The essentialist view on... race, ethnicity, or other group characteristics is that they are fixed traits, discounting variation among group members as secondary." Basically, it's the belief that all members of a particular race have certain traits, and nobody without those traits can qualify. In gender essentialism, which I feel the brunt of, its usually weaponized against trans folk: "real women have wombs!", which of course is outright not true and doesn't include a good deal of women. The effect is to discount the womanhood of a particular group of women - transwomen and women without wombs - and make them 'not women'.

    With race it functions differently; you'll know well better than I do that people make sweeping genralisations about people of color, the most infamous being that black guys have big cocks. This is usually called 'generalising' but that's too weak for me! No, this is not just some venial sin someone has done, to generalise you. And they can simply say, 'well, obviously not ALL black guys...' No! This is a deeply rooted attitude, this is a part of western culture that goes all the way back to Plato, this is an ideological weapon of Imperialism! It is essentialism, racial essentialism. That is a sufficiently strong term, to me. So they say all black guys have big black cocks: why is this harmful? one might ask - surely you're lucky! Everyone thinks you're hung! It discounts the experience of small-penised black men, makes them inferior, denies their racial status, denies them their identity. They are no longer black but always in that shadow of 'well, not ALL black guys.' It's an incredibly harmful thing.

    This goes to certain, more hysterical extents. For example, Balkan women are stereotyped as submissive, traditional... Slavoj Zizek makes the joke, standing on the bridge between a Balkan town and a non-Balkan town, that 'on this side the women are beaten, and raped, and they like it, and on this side they are beaten, and raped, and they don't like it.' [snicker] It's harmful because it denies their freedom to explore non-traditional gender roles, etc., without being called 'westernised' or having their Balkan ethnicity compromised. This is especially harmful since the majority of Balkan women are communist!

    Anyway. I've never met anyone with a white girl fetish lmao.

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    • Hey, QA, if you were one of the ones who -1'd me, I'm sorry. I understand why. I guess I like to build theory, but I can overstep my bounds that way and this was one of those occasions.

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    • Indian guys here REALLY try to get it in with you guys? I def wouldn't say they're all like that. Those kinds of generalizations are inane. "And they all wanna ape up" ha ha I love the word choice. I totally agree though.

      Didn't you have pics up before? If I remember it correctly you don't need them to have an Irish fetish for you to land them! Lol Yeah that line was funny. Although some comics clearly plagiarized him if it is an old bit!

    • I just read you're a classical musician! What do you play?

What Girls Said 12

  • No way in hell will I be some dudes Ebony fetish.

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  • I have a fetish for Asian guys, but I've never dated one (unfortunately). Just because you're Asian doesn't mean I'll like you (I'm still going to be extremely picky lol) Your personality still counts and so do your looks. I don't automatically think all Asian guys are hot.

    On the other hand, I did date a white guy who really liked black girls. I didn't feel like a piece of meat until he would call me things that had to do with my race (brownie, chocolate, caramel cappuccino, ect) at which point it got a little weird. I think race fetishes are fine and all, but if you're constantly pointing out the difference in races that's when it gets weird

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  • hahahaha @ BBC

    um yea I wouldn't date a guy unless I knew he loved me for me and not my race but id hook up with them

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    • You're a gag! lol.

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    • men without a race fetish cheat all the time so what's the difference? no. this brown sugar would dump him though. Pft I know my worth lol I am a rare find, if he wana cheat he don't deserve me. I been with my guy for 8 years and we never have a dull moment

    • Lmao! I dig you! And that's what's up, congrats on 8 years! :D

  • I don't think I'd be OK with it. I mean, having preferences is okay, but having a fetish for a certain race is going a bit too far in my opinion. I wouldn't be able to help but think that he's only with me because of my race and because of the fulfillment of his sexual fantasies.

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    • I feel that! Where can you draw the line between preference and fetish?

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    • Alright cool beans thanks for answering! I feel good knowing what I have isn't a "fetish." And haha, I ain't a grammar Nazi. :P

    • No problem. That's good! Glad I helped clear it up for you 8)

  • i don't blame you for feeling like this, I would be put off too. I don't know why but I instantly feel desrespected. Iam South Asian I and I have attracted all different races in the past, but for some reason I tend to attract white guys alot. My female friends who come from a simillar background have also experienced the same thing. I have to admit the question of whether we are seen as a fetish did pass our mind and I didn't feel well thinking about it. I would instantly right someone off if they said 'hmmmm I love Asian girls' I would feel like an object.

    Having said that I am extremely attracted to mixed race men (black and white) but that doesn't mean I have a fetish. This is because I found men from all differenct races attractive in the past but I tend to gravitate towards mixed race men more. However a guys personality is very imporatnt to me, alongside he's looks. So no matter what race you are if you have a sh*t personality I won't go there

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    • I've seen that too. I think they just want their little sexual fantasies. :\

      People with fetishes only like one kind of race? Snap! Guess I don't got a fetish then lol. I find women of all races to be beautiful. But like you, I gravitate to one and am very attracted to them. Asian girls -__-. Since you really like lightskin boys I have some Q's for you. :D

      If I met a girl like you admittedly I'd be a bit biased. I'd be worried that I could have been just any lightskin dude. -__-

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    • No problem! And yeah :\

    • Well that's a tricky question it really depends on the other person and whether they want help. If they are the sort people who strive to be the best version on themselves then you would be a great help. If they extremely negative and are comfortable in their negativity then that could be draining for. Remember what I told you,observe the girl in question and then take the necessary actions.

  • I've been told I look "exotic" a lot, and I feel like some guys give me some sort of "harem girl" stereotype that couldn't be farther from the truth. It's really frustrating.

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    • ughhhh yeah that concept that women of color are 'exotic' is one of the most disgusting things ever

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    • I know *exactly* what you mean. The worst is when they're down for whatever, or want a relationship, but don't even know your last name, what your passionate about, etc. Feels like they don't even know *who* you are. What kind are you attracted to? It was my niece and the neighbor kids. :)

    • Exactly! It's like they don't actually want you for you, because they don't care about you. They only care about the image you portray. Awww that's cute! I teach swimming lessons so I'm around kids all the time :) And I'm usually attracted to quiet, studious types, although they're usually athletic. You?

  • I LOVE GRINGOS! I don't think that counts as a race thing though lol

    But yeah choosing someone just because of their color is totally objectifying. So I wouldn't date a person tht saw that as requisite

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  • I think those who are OK with it tend to be the ones who view whites as a prize. And they'll put up with anything to feel accepted by whites

    I don't think my boyfriend has a fetish...

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  • I may have preference towards particular race but if I don't like his personality there's no way I will want to be with him.

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  • Fortunately I've never been in this situation. And I would never date someone like that. If I did that I wouldn't be respecting myself.

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  • I would never date some dude like that

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  • im not into specific races, I just don't care. it just happned a lot of times I hooked of with persian, arabian...Americans, asian...so I really don´t know. But I like it in general when they are from a different culture, because it is somehow exciting and exotic.

    You may hook up for a night with someone because you are into his/hers race, but don´t stay with that person if you don't like the rest...so I would agree with you. And I guess girls don't apprpoach you as meat, they are just attracted to you

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What Guys Said 8

  • I don't think I would date someone who has a fetish for my race, I don't mind preference but fetish would not transition into pure love in my opinion, just infatuation.

    I'm Black for the most part , I have went on dates with a few people who did have a strong desire to be with a black guy, I didn't feel comfortable with that. I believe everyone is entitled to their preferences but when its beyond preference, it becomes somewhat strange and I just don't believe its pure feelings.

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    • "it becomes somewhat strange and I just don't believe its pure feelings." --Well said!

  • It's okay to have a fetish...just don't take it to the extremes. If the girl has a fetish that's OK too. As long as she wants to be with you for other things besides just a fetish. If she's only with you for a fetish then chances are she'll be with someone else at the same time.

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  • I've been approached solely on the grounds I was black before. It's not exactly the most endearing way to approach people. I'm almost positive that I wouldn't even be able to allow myself to be used as a mere experiment while also fuflilling my own sexual needs just on those grounds alone regardless of the attractiveness of the person in question. Oh, and yes, I do feel like a piece of meat, giant black **** meat. Which isn't as great as it sounds at all.

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  • I like Indian women, and yes obviously this is a principal reason for me dating them.

    However, see this as no different to only liking blondes, brunettes, tall women, etc. My current girlfriend is Indian and have been honest in telling her that was a major factor in why I chose/like her. Even still, it's just one of many traits, since she's educated, confident, independent, ambitious and free-spirited, which are virtues I value in general. I won't just date ANY Indian woman, but she has to have the package as it were. I am black, and whilst everybody is different, I would only take offence if the sole reason why she dated me was due to my race.

    I don't get why people find preferences offensive. F***petty and insecure people lol..

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  • Nope I would not. I want someone to like me for me not as some sex object.

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  • I have a "fetish" for a given race, but it's not the sole reason I would date somebody. I'd have to factor in personality, interests, etc.

    I wouldn't like it done to me, but then IMO it's not different from liking blondes or brunettes. I think people are to het up about preferences, it's part of life. lol..

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    • I suppose when I think about it, I wouldn't date no female who didn't have her own standards anyway. Like there were times a girl wouldn't even know my last name and was down for whatever. So your above post makes sense.

  • doesn't effect me -- fetishes are simply strong preference -- everyone has preferences -- if its unhealthy where the person will be with someone even if its against their well-being (because of the color), that is a larger problem.

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  • I never experienced this but I know that would be a turn off if a girl said that to me.

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