Since it's no longer clear, who should pay.
I went out with a guy about 2 weeks ago and he paid the bill for our drinks and dinner. I said thank you and that I would get it next time. We went out again this weekend, and I paid, although he offered.
We made plans to go to a concert next week, and I bought both tickets online so that we could be sure we got seats together. He said he would give me cash, but I told he could do that, or just but me dinner.
Am I overstepping his boundaries? Should I be letting him pay for things? Does he want to pay for things? It's not something I worry about, but I was thinking that maybe he feels better if I let him pay, especially since we just started going out?
Most Helpful Guy
I think at this point in history we should be going Dutch as the default practice. And if one of you shows up to find the other has paid or offer to have paid, take it for what it is, a generous treat your partner is giving to you.
You could argue "the one who did the asking should pay". But at the same time, the OTHER party agreed to it, did they not? They should agree on the premise that they will be paying for whatever is on their own plate. You know, like you would with any of your friends.
I don't know WHY people are so uptight about upholding a rule of who pays what based on their genitalia. Heterosexual couples are the only ones who really think like this. I haven't really seen it anywhere in the LGBT community.
Why can't we just expect everyone to pay their way after agreeing on where to go. If it's a date, just SAY it's a date. Your mouth serves the amazing ability to state those kinds of things. "Do you want to go out some time? As a date?" Wow...innovative stuff there.
"I can't really afford to go on a date right now. Would you be willing to pay?"
Got the money? "Sure, my treat!"
Short on cash? "Well, how does coffee tomorrow morning sound?"
In girls I've dated, this has been standard practice. I ask them out, specifying that it would be as a date, rather than as just friends. The general assumption is that people pay for their own sh*t. If I insist on a fancy restaurant, I'll pay for her. No sense in making HER pay extra because 'I' want to have a date at a fancy place.
But for one girl, we went out for coffee and talked about what we were getting. When she ordered hers, she got mine, too! So I made it a point to show my appreciation, and later got her a bottle of wine. She didn't have to pay for me, nor should I HAVE to pay for her.
The very premise of that assumption undermines generosity and turns dates into battles of expectations. People don't love each other enough. There's no point in just letting money waltz right in between us.1