Who should pay when you first start dating?

Since it's no longer clear, who should pay.

I went out with a guy about 2 weeks ago and he paid the bill for our drinks and dinner. I said thank you and that I would get it next time. We went out again this weekend, and I paid, although he offered.

We made plans to go to a concert next week, and I bought both tickets online so that we could be sure we got seats together. He said he would give me cash, but I told he could do that, or just but me dinner.

Am I overstepping his boundaries? Should I be letting him pay for things? Does he want to pay for things? It's not something I worry about, but I was thinking that maybe he feels better if I let him pay, especially since we just started going out?


0|0
6|12

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think at this point in history we should be going Dutch as the default practice. And if one of you shows up to find the other has paid or offer to have paid, take it for what it is, a generous treat your partner is giving to you.

    You could argue "the one who did the asking should pay". But at the same time, the OTHER party agreed to it, did they not? They should agree on the premise that they will be paying for whatever is on their own plate. You know, like you would with any of your friends.

    I don't know WHY people are so uptight about upholding a rule of who pays what based on their genitalia. Heterosexual couples are the only ones who really think like this. I haven't really seen it anywhere in the LGBT community.

    Why can't we just expect everyone to pay their way after agreeing on where to go. If it's a date, just SAY it's a date. Your mouth serves the amazing ability to state those kinds of things. "Do you want to go out some time? As a date?" Wow...innovative stuff there.

    Watch this!

    "I can't really afford to go on a date right now. Would you be willing to pay?"

    Got the money? "Sure, my treat!"

    Short on cash? "Well, how does coffee tomorrow morning sound?"

    In girls I've dated, this has been standard practice. I ask them out, specifying that it would be as a date, rather than as just friends. The general assumption is that people pay for their own sh*t. If I insist on a fancy restaurant, I'll pay for her. No sense in making HER pay extra because 'I' want to have a date at a fancy place.

    But for one girl, we went out for coffee and talked about what we were getting. When she ordered hers, she got mine, too! So I made it a point to show my appreciation, and later got her a bottle of wine. She didn't have to pay for me, nor should I HAVE to pay for her.

    The very premise of that assumption undermines generosity and turns dates into battles of expectations. People don't love each other enough. There's no point in just letting money waltz right in between us.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 11

  • It sounds like you're bouncing who pays back and forth so it seems even. I wouldn't over think it. Most guys just want to make sure the girl isn't looking for free stuff and that she's generally interested in him the same way he is interested in her.

    More and more guys are getting cautious about dating because a lot of women have taken advantage of it over the years. So you're offering should be reassuring him that you're not gold digging.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Definitely the one who asks, which most of the time is the guy. But if it was for coffee or something small, I think it would be fine if y'all paid for your own things but I would pay for both anyway.

    As for your 'situation', I think you're being totally fair in offering to pay. That's the way things should be IMO. Guy's shouldn't have to pay for everything, even if they insist. I think next time y'all decide to go out, y'all can pay for your own stuff that way it's equal.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If she asked : the guy pays after she hopefully offered to pay

    If he asked : he should pay

    He should always pay.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'd say whoever asks, pays. But if he asks you to dinner then you could always get drinks later, the movie, etc

    0|0
    0|0
  • The guy

    4|1
    0|2
  • Whoever invites should pay, regardless of gender. It's common courtesy really. Then you can alternate afterwards.

    0|0
    0|0
  • a gentleman always pays unless the lady really insists

    1|0
    0|1
  • The woman.

    0|2
    2|0
  • What you're doing is perfect, and what more women should do. The expectation that men should always pay for dates is as acceptable as the expectation that women should put out if he pays.

    It's time for women to give up their selective view of "equality".

    Props to you for getting it right.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Whoever asks out first which is usually the guy. On very,very,very, rare occasions, women will ask guys out, This type of woman is known as Miss straightforward.

    0|0
    0|0
    • And what do you think of "Miss straightforward?" ;-)

    • Show All
    • I'm not sure a lot of guys agree with you on that one. At least not a lot of the ones I know. Think they might be intimidated by it.

    • I'm not . It just means that you know what you want. There's nothing wrong with that.

  • I'd say just split everything or you pay this time and he pays next time. If one person keeps paying for everything they are eventually not going to like it and feel like they are getting used

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • I am in a relationship and my boyfriend insists on paying. I have to say let me get one thing for us because I don't want you to feel like I'm using you as a bank. I don't care if it is 5 or 20 bucks. I feel guilty when he pays for everything and I just want to pay for one thing. I feel as if I am using him if I don't pay for at least one thing. he tells me that he wants to treat me like a princess means I don't pay for anything

    0|0
    0|0
  • The inviter should pay...if you get along well the invitee should pay next time.

    0|3
    0|0
    • Thanks. We actually did the opposite. I asked him on the first date and he paid, then I paid on the second date. But I understand what you're getting at.

  • I think the guy is the one to pay when first dating. I also suppose it is a good indicator if he likes a girl or not (if he likes you he is not hesitating to "invest" in you during a date). But there is an exception: if a girl is the one initiating a date I would say you two should share costs.

    0|1
    0|2
    • And I think the woman should. It is a good indicator she likes a guy or not. If she likes him, she is not hesitating to "invest" in him during a date.

    • so you're saying if a girl asks a guy out, they should go dutch, but overall its vital the guy should pay?

  • My rule: Whoever makes the invite should be the one to pay

    0|0
    0|0
  • You ask, you pay and I don't care if its usually the guy that asks.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I guess it depends on the people. For me, I go out with my guy friend quite often and no matter what he always pays. I always tell him, "next time it's on me" and then next time comes and he refuses to let me pay. lol

    sometime I wish he would let me pay, I like to keep things even and never want anything to think I 'expect' it.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...