Would it really be THAT bad for me to date someone in their 20s?

Well I have just turned 16, and have gotten my GED so I'll be starting college in January. 16 is the legal age of consent here so it's fully legal to me to have a sexual relationship with an adult. However someone told me that it wouldn't be appropriate to date someone at my college because I'm "too young." even though I'm much more mature than most girls at my age and am in college, not high school.

Based on the few year age difference alone, would it really be that wrong for me to date someone in their early 20s? Everyone I meet thinks I'm in my 20s, and comments on how mature I am and many people say I talk like I'm in my 30s. So I don't really get why it would be so horrible for me to be with someone who matches my maturity level.

I don't plan on having sex until the relationship becomes semi-serious and meaningful when there is real love involved. I'm very ambitious and I know what I want in life and I'm not looking to just screw around with an older guy, its not like that at all with me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Having a relationship with a guy that much older isn't necessarily "wrong", but it is in a grey area.

    You may not know this 'rule', but I think it makes a good point: You are allowed to date someone who is (/2) +7. So, say he is 22: 22/2 = 11 +7 = 18. So he would be allowed, according to this rule, to date a 18 yo.

    It is also acceptable to date a 16 year old, especially when you are more mature for your age, but I do agree that you are still very young to be dating a guy in his 20s. He probably has a place of his own and/or works a fulltime job, while you are starting college. Also, assuming you are a virgin, the first time really is something you will remember for the rest of your life. Ask yourself: Am I okay with this guy being my first?

    I hope I am not coming off as too "strict" or something, this is just my opinion. If you have questions, ask ahead!

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    • I'm not a virgin, I've had one sex partner in the past.

      Yes I've heard of that rule before, I know its recommended to be as close in age in possible but honestly anything less than 20 I think is too immature and childish. (I know guys take a long time to mature.) I'm not dating anybody yet, I'm just talking about for when I start college therefore I will be dating someone who goes to my college most likely. All of the guys there are pretty much in their early 20s so, those are my options.

What Guys Said 3

  • "I don't plan on having sex until the relationship becomes semi-serious and meaningful when there is real love involved."

    A guy in his twenties might expect more than that.

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    • So would anyone my age though, probably more than a guy in his twenties. Its my body and I'm not going to let anyone tell me when to have sex with someone. I'm not talking about getting engaged or married before sex, just when we've been together for a good amount of time and when stronger feelings have developed.

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    • If that isn't sarcastic, then thank you.

  • If you are of legal age in your area, do what seems appropriate to YOU. Just don't ever let anyone regardless of age pressure you into sex. Be sure it's something you want for its own sake before you do it. Be prepared for folks to get all kinds of judgmental about it though.

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    • Thanks. I understand people will be judgemental, but I really don't care about what others think of me. I feel perfectly comfortable dating people in their 20s because that is the age group I identify with the most since I'm a lot more mature than most teenagers and will be in college. I was pressured into sex in the past, but I've learned a lot from that experience, so I will NOT let that happen again.

    • One more thing. It sounds cheesy, but be effing careful. There are a lot of ways sex can change your lIfe for the worse. BE as smart and mature as you want to be if you're going to be dating above your age range a bit. There are a lot of guys that will want you because of your age. They'll think they can control you. Please don't become another teenage pregnancy or rape statistic.

      I'll shut up now. :)

    • I know that. Thankfully I am highly educated about birth control and have been taking the pill for a year every single night at the exact same time sharp. Never missed one pill. I always know to use a condom as well. :) I know some men will target me because of my young age, but hopefully they will recognize my maturity and that I am not the average 16 year old.

      Thank you again for your answer.

  • I think you're in a hurry to grow up

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    • I've had a very rough life and have been forced to grow up fast. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing though.

What Girls Said 3

  • I get where you're coming from. I thought I was pretty mature at 16, too. I was really independent at that age, making money and taking some college courses along with my usual high school credits. The thing is, it's not just the feeling of maturity but experience. Guys in their 20s will usually have had several girls and women in relationships and will have an intellectual and experience-based maturity that right now you don't have.

    You will have a malleable mind in some men's opinion. With experience and dating around closer to your age, you'll get a feel for what you can and cannot tolerate out of man. It is a more level playing field. Doesn't mean you can't date someone that much older than you, but there are many more challenges involved - and it's an uneven playing field for you.

    Like all of us, it may not matter what you hear but what you experience for yourself. Just know a lot of us who will try to talk you out of jumping into an age-gap relationship have been there and reality all hit us pretty hard at some point. Good luck with your college studies! It's great to hear someone as determined as you moving towards a degree so early. :)

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    • I understand that, and I do have some experience as well. In my opinion it is better to date someone older sooner like this because chances are anybody is going to date much more adult partners than teenage partners since the teen years are such a small part of life. I know most guys that age will have dated people a little older than me since they became adults. I know its an uneven playing field, but I don't feel intimidated by older girls at my college at all to be honest.

    • Continued: I will be slow and patient with anyone whom I end up dating. Who knows, some guys may like teaching a younger girl some new things. :)

      Thank you, I'm hoping by the time I'M 20, that I'll be just about to be earning a bachelor's degree in criminal justice. :)

  • You seem pretty mature for a 16 year old. I think you may be needing to go a little younger. But it's different to all people. Age is just a number. If you think you and your body is mature enough for a sexual relationship with anyone at any age no one can stop you. It may be legal but it can still be a problem to some people. Just watch out and do what you feel. If you didn't like it you shouldn't do it again. If you did like it, you shouldn't do it to much. Respect your body and do what you feel is right and have no regrets. (: . Hope this helped.

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    • Thank you. Well yes, I do feel I am mature enough to have a relationship including a sexual relationship with someone in their 20s. I think since its legal then its not going to be a problem with anybody other than judgmental factors. I didn't really like the experience I had with the last guy, but that's just because he wasn't the right guy for me. I think if I took more time to develop a relationship with someone, things could work out differently this time. I am in no rush to get into sex.

  • Being in a relationship with an older man isn't bad per se, but it can lead to bad things if you aren't careful. If you're in college and above the age of consent, then do what feels right to you.

    And no matter what age, men will always want sex. It doesn't matter if they're 16 or 25.

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    • Exactly, I'm fully aware of that. That's why I was saying to the other guy, a 16 year old is going to want it just as much as a 20 year old. I would much rather date an older guy for many different reasons, and I feel perfectly comfortable doing so.

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