How to handle a flirty coworker that won't accept a date?

A girl at my office and I have been flirting almost constantly since she started a good few months ago. At first I wasn't all that comfortable, as I didn't think getting into an office romance was a good idea, but as I got to know her, I became more and more attracted to her, and I decided dating her would be worth any perceived 'risk'. I asked her on a date back in June but was turned down because she was seeing someone.

Odd thing was that she became MORE flirtatious with me after I asked her out and less than two weeks later playfully offered to "buy [me] a drink". I pushed for that drink, thinking she had decided to take me up on the offer, only be to reminded she was seeing someone, and the drink never happened.

Fast forward to now, she is single and I am recently out of a short relationship with someone else myself. The flirting has continued the entire time, and has recently escalated to include dinner and a bottle of wine in the park at her invitation (though she claims to have invited two others who couldn't make it) and lunch at my place, also her doing. So I decided to again ask her on an proper date, but was turned down with a VERY lame excuse.

One would imagine then that she is not interested in dating me and I am friend zoned, but later the in same day that I asked her out the second time, she again intensified her flirtatious behavior towards me.

If she's not actually interested in dating me I would like to bring these flirtations to a stop. That is easier said than done, given that I am also flirtatious by nature and obviously enjoy her attention, but I am fed up with the lack of progression in our relationship and her seemingly mixed signal are making me crazy. So my question is two fold, 1) WTF is going on and 2) how do I get it to stop?

Thanks for your feedback.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow I'm really sorry that is happening to you! Even though you may not want to hear this, it sounds like she may just be leading you on. If you have asked her out multiple times and given her multiple chances to say yes, and she has turned them down every time, she is not worth your time. It's not fair to you for her to get to pick when she's interested and when she's not.

    One thing that I know some girls do is lead a guy on for a couple days, and then drop them, knowing that they'll stay around. Then, when the guy is starting to get over her, she'll lead him on a little bit more. It's sort of a cruel, never ending process that is only fun for her.

    I think it's time you stop putting up with that and bring your flirting to a close. If she starts getting extremely flirty with you or even asks you to hang out again, don't fall for it. It's just going to fall back into the same routine and she's never going to respect you.

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    • Thanks for the thoughts Emma. Particularly the part about hanging out with her again if she asks, cause I am sure that's something I would fall for.

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