Online dating has been a total bust. What about you?

I've been single for over a year now. I work so much and when I'm not working I'm studying and I just haven't been able to go out and meet new people. My friend told me to join OKcupid, so I did. Surprised by how nice and in-depth the actual site is. That being said I've gotten tons of messages like "Hey girl...lemme show you my d***" and then genuine messages from guys that I know we don't mesh well enough for things to work out, or I'm not attracted to them all that much.

I finally started talking to a decent seeming guy. Met him today and it was a total disaster =/. I couldn't wait to leave. It feels like I'm going to go another year totally single waiting for the right guy. I think part of my problem might be the bad selection of men in my city, but in any case, what have your experiences been with online dating? What about those of you who never seem to find enough hours in the day? How do you find relationships in that situation?

Updates:
Thank you for those of you that had actual helpful things to say instead of just judgement based on assumptions. I have a really good heart and I don't judge people or write them off unless there's a reason. And I really don't understand calling someone a "diva" when you actually don't know what their experience has been first hand. I'm really sorry that I didn't choose the guy who wrote me a decent message but had pictures up of him strangling his cat. Really. Thanks anyways.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • in all honesty, online dating is pretty much scrolling through pictures until you find a person you find attractive enough to talk to. it's kind of like online shopping because people just compare pictures when selecting who to talk to. girls definitely have it easier than guys though, it's pretty tough to get a girl interested when she has hundreds of guys sending her messages.

    i'd recommend using sites like match or eharmony because most people on there are looking for relationships. I think okcupid, pof, etc. are kind of like hook up sites.

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    • Exactly! I've been thinking of doing that, cause I think people who are willing to pay for those sites probably take things more seriously and are more committed to a real relationship. Thank you!

    • mosdef. good luck, hope you find someone special

    • Agreed. It is very impersonal and promotes superficial selection.

What Guys Said 8

  • I've been using these sites for a while but lately I have barely been active on them. I used to use them a lot when they were new to me. I can say I met a lot of girls but we're talking over the years here so it's not like I meet girls online a lot.

    Problems I face is that the girls I would meet were not looking for anything serious ironically. "I was bored" is the reason they made their profile. Problem for guys is the girls won't meet in person and it gets to the point where guys need girls to say it's OK to meet because they always give the excuse of "I met this creep..." Last girlfriend I made from online dating was way too clingy and obsessive over me. So I've had the worst of each side.

    My honest advice is if you see a good profile, meet them! Don't sit online chatting. Just arrange a meet that has a quick escape and is public. Meet as many people quickly and get off the site so you're not getting perv messages all day.

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  • Like Hanzo said - Get off your ass and go after the guys who meet your unrealistic criteria...

    This question makes me wanna puke. It must be awful having to filter through the 100 messages you received this week...

    Now just imagine if you didn't get one single message... THEN COME TALK TO ME about online dating being a total bust!

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    • Okay, Mr. Judgemental. You don't know what my "criteria" is. I'm not looking for some stud muffin. I'm sorry that you didn't get messages but I have values and am not gonna meet someone who clearly just wants to get laid. So screw you for making assumptions when you don't actually even know what you're talking about.

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    • Precisely. Women will never be able to comprehend the feeling of being utterly ignored and isolated like men experience... They take for granted that if one guy doesn't want them, another guy is just around the corner.

      Online dating is a goldmine for women...

    • Yep now Ms, Firefly goes into obscurity over it just because she was told what she didn't want to hear. Even online these women are more fragile. Rather than taking the advice for what it was worth which was a lot, she feels the need to immediately defend her character over the internet and assume no responsibilty and take no initiative into changing her results. And sadly this applies for other women as well.

  • I was on POF and OK Cupid. I got 4 girls to go out with me but 3 of them I really didn't care for that much once I meet them in person and the 4th I found out had a boyfriend already so I stopped talking to her.

    My advice is be friendly not picky, make friends lol I know that pisses a lot of people off but there are some nice people on there and who knows maybe they will grow on you.

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    • This is what I said, don't be picky, but apparently its only "helpful information" if it's sugar coated and taken well.

  • What the matter? 10 messages a day isn't enough?

    I promise you get more messages in one day than most men will get in a year or their tenure in online dating,

    1. Stop complaining.

    2. Stop being so picky.

    3. Stop WAITING and start messaging people YOU find interesting.

    If you take anything away from this post please use number 3.

    That goes or all you entitlement having proneness syndrome having,

    Must be perfect having divas out there.

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    • BEST ANSWER!

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    • No where in your post did you mention that you do look for people. You are only saying that now to make yourself seem correct. You said you feel like you are going to go another year WAITING. I am sure if you spent less than a year LOOKING instead of WAITING you would have had more than just one guy. AND YOURE the one assuming that I am suggesting you go for players. Of course all the women say I am not picky it's everyone else and not me at all.

    • I'm actually not picky and just want a nice guy.

      If that were actually true you would have found one by now. Online dating sites have about a 7 to one ratio. You can't tell me there aren't any "nice guys" you have come across yet. By the way you would be surprised how often that term is used. It's infuriating because it's not really what you women want. You just say that because you don't wanna seem shallow or be judged for having preferences, which are really demands but whatever.

  • You seriously have no right to call it a total bust. You at least met someone. Like I said, there are men who will never even get the chance. You have no idea actually how good you have it. Not one bit of appreciation for the advice provided. You will find yourself on there a long time with your attitude

    Now go ahead and down vote me again.

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    • ANd here come the updated parts to the question. To try and counter the points. JUDGMENTAL yeah you judge a person "strangling a cat. Which I am sure he wasn't actually doing, but hey you know everything I don't even know why you are asking for advice. I am surprised you aren't married by now. Since it's always the men and never you.

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    • Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? I would say it's to make it sound like another is defending you but that couldn't possibly be it because I read this.

      And it's not me. I'll agree my question didn't paint me in the best light but anyone who f***ing knows me would look at what you wrote and laugh

      WELL of course. As if those who know you and your friends would have anything "negative to say about you.

    • well more like 2nd person but apples and oranges. Either way, you don't seem to admit anything unless exposed or called out on it. Well hopefully Mr. Right will come around and take you away into nirvana, or a freezer either way I don't care.

  • I haven't had any more luck with online dating than real world dating, that is to say, zero luck. I've still never had a girlfriend at 24. I have profiles on multiple online dating sites, haven't gotten a single message from a girl.

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  • I've never had any luck with trying online dating ever since I gave it a shot 5 years ago, haven not been able to get dates with the girls I have wanted for the most part, or if I did get a date with a girl I wanted I would not make it past the first date

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  • I made an okcupid account and I get messages from cute girls haha! I haven't been able to respond lately mainly because I'm so busy.

    But yeah I actually think it is good to have as an option to find what you're looking for, if it doesn't work out. Oh well, NEXT. :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • I found a nice guy on okcupid :)

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    • Yay! That's awesome and exciting! :)

  • Wow, a lot of anger from some dudes on this one...

    As a girl who is on and off trying with okcupid, I hear what you're saying. You end up talking online to a guy, start to think hmmm interesting I could see this being a possibility, then you go on a date with him... and he does NOT look like the picture posted and/or he is NOT at all what his profile/messaging implied (attitude, approach). and there is NO chemistry etc.

    The first time I went on a date, I was totally excited because we clicked online so well, and then in person, there was NOTHING, no spark. I didn't even like our end-of-the-night hug. and I did not appreciate him wanting me to get in a car with him (we were in a major city--chicago--where there is plenty of public transit) just so we could go to the movie theater. His pushiness made me uncomfortable, and I hate how presumptuous and awkward/foolish he actually was... No girl in her sane mind would ever get in a car with a guy she met online. And he acted like I was being "crazy" and overly cautious.

    The second time I went on a date, I was mildly excited. We both seemed equally nerdy online, but in person, no spark. I was really not attracted to him. He was pleasant enough though, but he physically had a creepy thing to him. I can't tell you what it was, but I know that I would never have talked to him if I had met him in real life first. Something about his face or body made me feel creeped out.

    They say third time's a charm. I'm giving it another shot, but FYI, I take a few months off between bouts of online dating. I need the time in between to heal and recover. Seriously, online dating can get real weird.

    I will say, the amount of physically based comments/compliments/messages is both flattering and sociologically interesting. It's just funny when someone reduces your whole self to just your physical looks.

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    • When you said you needed to heal and recover between bouts of online dating all I could do was say "AMEN"! Guys don't realize the creepy stuff we have to go through and how on guard we have to be. And yeah it really sucks when you get your hopes up and then you meet them and it's just so not right at all. THANK YOU! I hope the third time's a charm for you! :)

    • Hah, glad you feel the same. It can get real awkward and weird, real fast. What I've struggled with in both situations is that the guys were a) a little creepy and/or inappropriate during the date, and b) after the date, I was not at all excited/interested in seeing them again; in fact, I was dreading the post-date texts. I'm hoping that if the chemistry's there, it won't be so hard. That's online dating though--a cross between blind dating and speed dating.

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